Blogs
Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often means grappling with borderline PD mood swings that can swiftly turn my world upside down. When these BPD mood swings hit, thoughts become tangled in cognitive distortions, and black-and-white thinking takes hold, making it difficult to see shades of gray or to check the validity of my assumptions. In other words, BPD mood swings are a rapid descent into a world where worst-case scenarios feel like certainties.
Learning how to silence your inner critic after trauma can feel impossible. Personally, I developed a harsh (and loud) inner critic during early childhood following a trauma that made me question my worth. As I grew up, I found it "safer" to try to be the perfect kid, teen, young adult, and now woman, thinking maybe it would make me more worthy of love and good treatment. However, this has only ever perpetuated more self-loathing and vicious cycles.
It feels like I write an article on this topic at least once a year—but as someone who has dealt with sexual assault and a lifetime of body image pressures, I will return to the keyboard once again as society continues to devalue women's (anyone who identifies as such) bodies. So, why am I talking about it this time? The answer is simple: Because it's hard to escape the stark reminders that women's bodies are often not seen as culturally valuable or worth protecting. The devaluing of women's bodies infuriatingly continues.
Playing the piano affects my schizoaffective disorder in a very positive way. Let me tell you how my piano playing soothes my schizoaffective disorder.
I've noticed that slowing down helps my anxiety. When I am extremely busy, the pressures of having a demanding schedule and multiple deadlines begin to weigh on me and contribute to my anxiety. The busier my schedule gets, the more I feel anxious daily. Unfortunately, this becomes evident as I start having a hard time sleeping, concentrating, and focusing on day-to-day responsibilities. In these situations, I need to help my anxiety by slowing down.
Depression has affected my self-esteem lately, making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. These days, I often have this question at the top of my mind: Should I just stop trying and give up? Sometimes, I feel I should keep going anyway; at other times, I am convinced I need a break. Tired of this conflict, I decided to write about it. Here's what I realized about thinking nothing I do is good enough.
Managing finances when you have a mental illness can be complicated. The dreaded "your account is overdrawn" bank email and I were well acquainted while my mental health declined. I felt a heavy sense of guilt when it came to my finances. My reluctance to face my situation and the shame I felt asking for help created a snowball of dread. Mental illness can make managing finances more difficult, but it isn't a hopeless situation, and it shouldn't be a source of shame.
For me, self-esteem and Earth Day are connected. As someone who has experienced the ups and downs of a mental health condition, I understand the ongoing struggle to find ways to boost self-esteem and cultivate a sense of purpose. Amidst this journey, I stumbled upon a source of solace and empowerment that I did not anticipate when I was younger: Earth Day practices and sustainable living. Earth Day occurs on April 22 and is an annual celebration that reminds us of the importance of our only habitat. Earth Day can be used to cultivate improved self-esteem.
I should be able to fix my own depression -- or at least that's what the world keeps telling me. We have a lot of euphemisms for it: pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, walking it off, turning that frown upside down, and so on. And the Internet is full of New Age gurus (and lay people) claiming to know the secret of how to do it -- just buy my book and wave your depression goodbye. But if everyone says it's possible, why can't I fix my own depression?
The voice of my eating disorder (ED) often tries to influence what I think, feel, or believe about myself—but ED thoughts do not have to become actions, no matter how persuasive they sound. An ED thought only has power if I choose to accept its narrative and react accordingly.
You are absolutely correct when you said, "They're still going to act like people." People are people who will act in ways we wish they wouldn't -- even the ones closest to us. That statement can be a large pill to swallow, yet it is one that we need to get down if we want to sustain our mental health. I have a specific page in my journal that lists things I can control and can't. I often look at it to remind myself that I can't control other people's actions, choices, or feelings.