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Isolation and domestic abuse cannot be separated. Whether physical or emotional or both, isolation is the first step to convincing a victim that their controller is the most important person in the world. How do abusers isolate victims? Why are isolation and domestic abuse inextricably intertwined?
For weeks, I have struggled to do anything beyond the bare minimum. Eating disorders are in part coping mechanisms, and can be deceptively helpful in masking painful emotions. That can make recovery from an eating disorder very difficult, because most people struggle with painful emotions and would rather push these feelings aside than face them.
I always like to think I am different - but I am not - and that I can push through the emotions the recovery stirs up. Each time I begin the recovery process with a fierce determination to beat anorexia nervosa for the last time. I feel strong and sure as I start to eat regular meals and snacks and stop all related eating disorder behaviors, and I know in my heart that I will travel the road to full recovery without roadblocks or detours.
But emotions can only be suppressed for so long, and I inevitably become anxious and depressed as I begin to eat like a normal person. Determination fades and strength wavers as all the emotions that I couldn't feel while in the middle of my eating disorder come roaring back, leaving me cowering in the corner.
Sometimes people with mental illness aren't the most self aware. Some of us have a tendency to get consumed by our internal drama that it's hard to listen to other people. We spend so much time listening to our feelings, processing our emotions, talking about ourselves in therapy to figure out how to stay healthy. I'm not suggesting that we give up time-tested methods of self regulation, but I think that our relationships with others - not always that with ourselves - can tell a bigger picture about our mental health.
Depression is an illness. It is not a sin.
Some well-meaning Christians who have never experienced depression might tell us otherwise. They might tell us we’ll feel better if we just have more faith. They might even tell us that God has the power to heal our depression, so antidepressants aren’t necessary.
That is a dangerous and shallow view of mental illness.
One of the problems with mental illness is that it's invisible. As I've heard many times, "You don't look sick."
Well of course I don't. You're not looking at an fMRI.
And because we don't "look" sick, our illness moves into the "not real" category. Bipolar, the unreal illness, the imagined one.
And it's even worse because others will tell you that mental illness doesn't exist. Other's will confirm your worst fears and tell you what the tiny, horrible voice in your head has been saying - you're just imagining you're ill. Really, bipolar disorder doesn't exist at all.
But of course the voice is wrong and so are the ignorant people - bipolar is as real as it painfully, awfully, grippingly gets.
But that doesn't make it visible. And its invisibility makes it all that much harder to fight.
I was so honored to hear I had won a Bronze Award for this blog on HealthyPlace from the Web Health Awards for Summer/Fall 2011! I want to extend and share my congrats to Natasha Tracy (Breaking Bipolar Blog) and Randye Kaye (Mental Illness in the Family blog) for awards received as well!
Over the weekend, I received an email about the work of government agencies (specifically the SAMHSA) and new policy initiatives designed to reduce and prevent behavioral health problems.
It seems unfair, to say the least, that when we are trying to recover from mental illness, our body can become ill as well. For a long time, I did not connect physical illness to mental illness. I believed the body and mind were separate.
I often found myself in my doctor's office. I told him I had migraines on a daily basis. He asked me if this had always been the case, and I told him no, just every few months. I get hit with serious sinus infections a few times a year, and curse my immune system. I am doing everything I should: eating healthy, exercising, taking my medication, and some vitamin's throw in for fun.
It took a long time to put the pieces together: mental illness causes unwanted physical symptoms, and not symptoms exclusively from psychiatric medication.
Two significant things have happened to me in this last year. I turned 50 and I began working with my own business/life coach. Both have me thinking more about where I am in my life and my work. What I want to change…what I am satisfied with. Up until about six months ago I had been fairly content with how I was serving the ADHD community. I had been specializing in working with people with ADHD for nearly nine years, I had established a good reputation, had steady referrals and was contributing to ADHD awareness in many ways. However, I had a gnawing feeling it wasn’t enough. There was more I could do…more people who I could reach and serve. But how?
About six months ago, I attended a conference where I met and committed to working with my new business coach… for an entire year! I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay for the coaching, or if I even had the time or energy needed to do so. However, I wanted to increase my ability to serve the ADHD community, and just “knew” the coaching program was the right choice to do that.
It was Halloween night, and I was dressed up in costume waiting my turn to read poetry in front of 40 patrons at a local coffee shop. Despite my anxiety, I knew I had a battle to fight. Five minutes remained, my palms were sweaty, but there was no turning back now. I got up on stage, and my first words were “Hello, my name is Dan Hoeweler and I am here tonight on a mission.” I then turned on my stereo system which blared scary music from the movie “Saw”, and began to read the following poem, inspired by my mental illness, schizophrenia, completely unsure how the audience would react. Watch.
"What I find most annoying about self-absorbed narcissists is they don’t spend nearly enough time thinking about me." Taz Mopula
In the fascinating world of mental illness and mental health one can always fan the flames of debate by throwing down this challenge: Can what we call “mental disorder” be the response of a healthy mind to a society that is, itself, not sane?
Recent decades have seen an alarming increase in the incidence of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This leads the medical community to wonder - What were these folks called before the ADD diagnosis? Did the disorder even exist a century ago? Or, is ADD a mass response to cultural shifts de-emphasizing thoughtful deliberation in favor of superficial, trivial and constantly changing entertainment?
Thank you for your comment. I'm sorry you're having such overwhelming experiences. That sounds hard.
I would say that when I get really wrapped up in talking to myself because of hypomania, it's similar but I don't feel like I'm in an imagined place or dreaming. That's the part that may be concerning.
If you're experiencing distress because of these experiences, you absolutely should tell your doctor -- and make it clear that it's causing your distress. It does sounds like it falls into the mild psychosis category, but that doesn't occur with cyclothymia. That only occurs in bipolar I. Of course, you may be experiencing bipolar and psychotic symptoms, just in an unusual way. (There is a category of bipolar disorder for this called "Other Specified Bipolar and Related Disorder.") https://www.healthyplace.com/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-types/what-are-the-types-of-bipolar-disorder
Experiences like that are normally treated with antipsychotics. A low dose of one of those medications may be just what you need. Antipsychotics are serious medication, though, so you want to carefully consider whether you think it's worth taking them. Thoroughly discussing your options with your doctor should help you make that decision: https://www.healthyplace.com/thought-disorders/schizophrenia-articles/antipsychotic-medications-for-treating-psychotic-illness
If you choose to go down the medication route, go slowly and continually assess along the way. There are many antipsychotics available, so it can take time to find the right one for you.
It's really good that you've recognized these issues in yourself. Now you can work on lessening them.
Good luck.
-- Natasha Tracy