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Recently, I felt pretty darn sorry for myself. It seems that despite my best efforts, I cannot cut ties with Will, my abuser. Just last night, he came to my home to bring me our final divorce papers. He stood in my living room telling a humorous story of how our youngest son attempted to climb a pine tree with parachute gear. He gave my the papers, and I handed him my military ID card. Marc, our oldest son who now lives with me because his father choked him in a rage, sat quietly on the couch. I saw my son shrinking into the fibers of the sofa and made a mental note that Will is no longer allowed entry to my home. I will speak to Will on the steps or out by his truck; the man's mere presence disturbs the peace.
Rough week?  Symptoms flaring up?  Consider building a comfort zone as a way to self-soothe and de-stress. Watch this BPD video.
Amanda_HP
The cycle of dysfunction - you grow up in a significantly dysfunctional family and it has an impact on you. Now you have kids and the cycle of family dysfunction continues. Without recognition and positive change, the family dysfunction is passed from generation to generation.
It's a bit daunting to say the word "never", especially when we are referring to depression. Depression has an element of surprise and the benefit of disguise in it's arsenal, but there is a part of me that believes I never have to go back, that I never will experience the darkest depths of depression ever again.
This week began my new status as an "at home" parent. It's also Bob's first time having me around more than usual and not going to before and after-school care. It wouldn't seem like this would be a situation requiring an adjustment period, but it is.
If anxiety has become your unwanted friend - you may already be familiar with the usual suspects when it comes to the causes of anxiety disorders. We have heredity, brain chemistry, personality and life experiences. But have you taken a moment to consider physical causes of anxiety?
Have you ever felt safe? Maybe that seems like a stupid question, and if it does, consider yourself lucky is about all I can say. My therapist asked me something like it once, and I ended up triggered, taking a 20 minute tangent via Intellectuals 'R Us to pick up a freakin' clue. Look hard enough at most things in modern life and they are pretty scary. Panic: Life = risk? Life = risk? Is that as good as things get?? Well, catastrophizing ever so slightly less, life = many things but in amongst them, inevitably, is an element of risk.
May is Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Awareness Month. While there are many sites with excellent clinical descriptions or offer advice for the loved ones of a person with BPD, there is a lack of information on BPD from the point of view of a person with BPD. So, in honor of BPD Awareness Month, here's what BPD is like for me.
In response to some of the comments I see here and elsewhere, here is my response to another ten myths about bipolar disorder.
The signs of verbal abuse are usually invisible to the world outside of your family. Verbal, emotional and mental abuse eats you alive from the inside out. Abuse can do heavy mental damage and cause mental illnesses like depression, anxiety and PTSD. Those illnesses have visible symptoms, but after developing the illness, no one but your closest friends may notice. (If you still have friends after being isolated!) So, the signs of verbal abuse are often felt instead of seen.

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Hilary
Hi,

So sorry to hear this Christine.

You are welcome to email me. Anytime.
I am sorry you are struggling in such a hard situation. It's not an easy thing to go through when you love someone and they are your adult or young child. as well. I
Its v hard to talk about too.
I hope you and yr daughter are setting some boundaries that suit your situation (safety wise ) soon ...you would or are doing the right thing to set boundaries. together in writing, maybe even legally would be good.

Enforced living arrangements by a real estate agent or court is sometimes best in the end if all else fails, even though its v hard- or a group home while you think on what to do might be good -easier said than done...
All the best to you, yr daughter and yr family
Hilary
I understand and I am so sorry for your and your son's pain. I get it totally but not many do ... if you need to chat do write back to me . Keep going in the meantime by taking one day at a time and looking after you too x
William
thank you for making the effort to write about this with such honesty and insight . You may be ill but you sound more genuine and likeable than most of the superficial actors we meet everyday . I too have a similar ongoing battle involving much suffering despite perhaps appearing to others as "normal ". I am 60 in 2 weeks and poor mental health ..particularly depression and anxiety took away my ability to lead a normal life no matter how hard I tried . I became an alcoholic for perhaps 30 yrs ..trying to self medicate the feelings away . That almost killed me 7 years ago ..the last time I had a drink . I have no means of escape now but for several decades have believed buddhism offers great healing for us folk . Compassion , wisdom , peace and of course ..living life in the present moment , moment by moment ,..... ...all the things I have yearned for all my life . Good luck and much love from Devon in the UK .
Danielle
I just got into it with a stranger who was driving and didn't slow down like he was supposed to even though I was a pedestrian already in the crosswalk. He was turning into the plaza as I was using the crosswalk and we both hesitated but the default rule is to wait for pedestrians. But after all, he continued rolling passed me as I was half way thru the cross walk when he said out his window "pay attention ..blah blah". thats all I heard because before I knew it, I was shouting back at this car "no you pay attention, you're supposed to slow down for pedestrians" he was still driving but he stopped and put his car in reverse and started to "follow" me to argue. I was just going to my own car not too far into the parking lot. He stops and looks at me while I'm arguing back and they starts to insult my appearance. I was just running errands so I was in some flare yoga pants and a hoodie. My hair was poofy because I had just gotten it freshly colored that morning and it had been blow dried. I wasn't wearing makeup, so apparently he thought I looked like I was "on drugs" he asked me several times if I was high and I said what are you talking about and then he started laughing and calling me a tweaker or junkie. I was so insulted. I'm a woman, he was a man and just because I didn't dress for his gaze (the male gaze) while running errands, he concluded I looked so bad that I was on drugs? I'm so embarrassed and annoyed that this happened. All because he didn't want to slow down for a pedestrian in the cross walk? I can't help but feel like this is some kind of karma from the universe because I do admit that sometimes I am not the most patient or nice person out in public, but I never throw personal insults at people. If I am complaining or verbalizing my displeasure, it is directed at the situation itself rather than personal insults at the participating parties. For example, all I rebuttled back to him was that he needed to be the one to pay attention and later I told him he was very rude for saying I looked like a tweaker. He even pulled out his phone like he was going to start recording the altercation but I drove off hopefully not giving him enough time to make a decent video. I could have insulted him back, but he went straight for personal attacks and it hurt my feelings. I should not have to be insulted just for running errands while not being all done up.
Mags
Curious where this has ended up? As i am in this situation right now