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Anxiety fills a room, even if it's empty. Uncanny but it manages, almost every time. The claws in my head grow wings, sprout tentacles, take over: my room, the house, the neighbourhood, and soon entire nations... What?! Oh, wait. Gradually, then all at once. That's how this stuff works because of course at first I am only dimly aware of it. It's not really an issue. The panic isn't big enough I'm tripping over it. Yet. Beyond black and white thinking
It's almost a year to the day the judge awarded primary physical custody to my abusive ex-husband. My attorney was as surprised as I was. My attorney said that the best she could figure (without being allowed to see the interview documents, if there were any), was that my older son elected to be with his father because of his anger toward me, and the judge decided for keeping the kids together.
I am very grateful to hear that many people have been asking about me and wondering about the return of "Surviving ED."  I have taken this time off to take care of myself during my ongoing recovery from anorexia. I didn't have a relapse and I am still at my healthy weight. However, I needed to take some time to care for myself because of some ongoing issues in my personal life. I have been struggling with a great deal of anxiety and depression because of these issues and felt it was best to take some time off from writing.
Sometimes anxiety makes it seem perfectly acceptable to throw the baby out with the bathwater, in search of calm and peace. Even if that results in hating myself because it feels like I'm  reaching for something I can never have. So what's the solution? Be someone else, of course!
Common messages spread by certain special interest groups are that “mental illness doesn’t exist” and “there is no biological evidence for mental illness.” It’s not surprising I take great exception with these claims. So do most doctors. But the brain is an extremely complex organ and refuting the above notions is hard. It’s not a two-word response. So, I’m going to attempt to give a two-part overview, in plain English, of some of the research around the biology of major depressive disorder according to a meta-analysis done in 2010 (see below).
Let's talk about irritability. Our children suffer irritability because of their psychiatric conditions. But I'm not talking about their irritability--I'm talking about mine.
I’ve discussed my difficulties with setting personal boundaries and some of what contributes to those difficulties. But it occurs to me that there may be a link between the high suggestibility of people with Dissociative Identity Disorder and the challenges so many of us face with personal boundaries. It seems reasonable that saying no would be more difficult for people who are particularly susceptible to the power of suggestion.
I asked myself "Why?" more than any other question during my marriage. I thought that finding the answer to "Why?!" would allow me to attack the root causes of the trouble between him and me. But, for so many reasons, why? was the wrong question to ask. Why can be an empowering question in the correct setting. The "5 Whys" is a wonderful technique for getting to the bottom of almost any normal situation. But when using the whys to understand an abusive relationship, it causes trouble. Why? Let's find out...
Although world-wide research over the last 20 years has indicated that women experience depression at 1 ½ to 2 times the rate of men, recent research conducted by Jed Diamond, Ph.D, and others, indicates that male depression has been under-reported and is beginning to rise significantly. In his 2009 book, Male vs. Female Depression: Why Men Act Out and Women Act In, Diamond reported on a major research study that concluded “Women seek help—men die.” The study found that 75% of those who sought professional help at a suicide prevention program were female. Conversely 75% of those who died by suicide in the same year were male.
I was recently asked, "Does Bob have an IEP?" No, he doesn't--here's why.

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Comments

Mags
Curious where this has ended up? As i am in this situation right now
Dawn Gressard
If it were only that easy... I agree. To alleviate anxiety, you have to have coping skills or a list of things (a toolbox, so to speak) that help you retake control of your brain. This, then, hopefully, lessens the anxiety so you can work your way through whatever it is that has triggered your fear more healthily.
nils
Wonderful that "instead of being anxious, don't be anxious!" works for you. However, if it was that easy everyone would be doing it.
Joseph
I am.learning to better understand my partner who.has been diagnosed with D.I.D and I appreciate your blogs. Thank you for helping me to better understand and be loving.
Joseph A
I am trying to learn all that I can about D.I.D because my partner has been diagnosed with it. We are trying to renew a relationship. We have a daughter together and have a 17 year history. I was released from prison. Almost two months ago after 6 years. She had expressed to me that she was diagnosed, but I didn't really understand all that entails. She transitioned one night about two weeks ago and I was there and actually experienced it. When we were together in the past it was all pre diagnoses. I am trying to better understand her and how I can best love and support her. I have felt rejected since I came home and now I am starting to understand her need to feel safe, secure, and stable in order to share any kind of intimacy with me. After reading your article and watching the video I see how she had been trying to be intimate with me emotionally, intellectually, recreational, and spiritually. This is all very new to me and my love language has always been touch and affection...which I am.learning is hard for her these days. I just wanted to say thank you. I will continue to try to understand and love her and this platform has been very helpful.