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The better you listen, the more you will know. It may sound very simple and it is. Listening takes up more of your waking hours than any other activity. Of your waking hours, 70% of them are spent communicating. Writing takes up 9%, reading 16%, talking is 30% and listening is 45% of communicating hours. THE underrated business tool is good listening.
This week one of my Twitter followers asked me for advice on communicating with her friends and family about her mental illness. She has only recently started telling people of her illness and she wasn’t sure on how to express her needs around her mental illness.
This is a great question and one I think every person with a mental illness faces. How do you tell people about your mental illness needs?
Verbal abuse is confusing. I sometimes blame myself for not hearing our conversations for what they were. Conversations is not the right word. A conversation is a flow of words and thoughts, back and forth, between two people - a dialogue. But my ex-husband and I didn't have dialogues, we filled our communications with monologues in which we looked at one another, directed our sometimes screaming voices at one another, but definitely did not converse.
One of the things I have tried hardest to avoid is having a house divided. Regardless of the differences in our DNA, I wanted our family to function as one cohesive unit. But lately, despite my best efforts, one of the sheep is doing his best to separate himself from the flock. And it's driving me nuts.
A mental illness that saps sufferers of motivation and energy, depression notoriously impedes productivity. For many people living with depression, even basic day-to-day chores seem to take herculean effort. The inability to get things done is frustrating on its own, but even more maddening is the vicious cycle it perpetuates.
I recently went to my obstetrician for a routine check-up and got onto the dreaded scale after the holidays (never a good thing to do, in my opinion). The nurse said, “You must have had a really good Christmas.” I cringed as she told me I gained 10 lbs. I packed on10 lbs. in a month! Even though I am seven and a half months pregnant, this is definitely not a good thing. This got me worried that I’ll have another huge baby (my first one was close to 9 lbs. which is large for someone my size). So the wheels started turning in my head for ideas on how to be healthier—physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I am Kellie Jo Holly, and I participated in the cycle of verbal abuse with my soon to be ex-husband for almost 18 years. I retain the relationship with him because we have two sons together who are now teens. Leaving the marriage did not end the abuse. Stopping verbal abuse has more to do with my reaction to it than convincing him to stop!
What could cure my anxiety? In answer, all I've got is a deer in headlights expression to go with the sign that says 'wrong way, go back!' So no, I don't have a cure for anxiety. But I have some ideas.
Although our obstacles are on a smaller scale, we too know what it's like to be stuck 100 years behind the rest of the country. We face discrimination and hostility because of a psychiatric diagnosis.
Sometimes people don’t believe I’m particularly sick. They meet me, I look fine, I interact, I charm, I wit and all seems, if not normal, at least something reasonably normal adjacent.
And that’s fine. It’s by design. Being a high-functioning mentally ill person, I can’t really afford to run around with my hair on fire. But faking normalcy, happiness and pleasure is a tricky and very expensive bit of business.
My point being, I'm right there with you. I hate the rollercoaster. I just want to live life without being in a state of constant fight or flight mode, only for his character to change and de-escalate and I fall for the person I fell for all over again.
Exhausting is a horrible word. The understatement of all understatements, if you will.
I wish there were better support groups for this kind of mental health condition.