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(cont. from part 1 of story) My son’s bipolar disorder and ADHD treatment has been a constant source of conflict between his father and I. Non-compliance with Bob’s prescribed medication regimen has been an ongoing problem for years, and has once again become a problem following a frightening drug reaction. Despite the devastating effects bipolar medication non-compliance could have on Bob’s physical and emotional health, there are sadly few resources I can go to for help.
Epileptics often get what is known as an aura before they have a seizure. An aura is a sensation like hearing voices or seeing colored lights or experiencing numbness. An aura might be present a few seconds or a few minutes before the seizure depending on the person. It’s an early warning sign of a brain misfire. Similarly, I experience signs, an aura if you will, of upcoming hypomanias.
It seems many people think of Dissociative Identity Disorder as the pinnacle of crazy. But  if I've ever truly lost my mind I did so when I was trying desperately to escape DID. It was when the confusion, fear, loneliness, and shame I felt in the aftermath of my Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis periodically reached critical mass that I panicked and, in fits of desperation, clung to ludicrous, even dangerous thoughts.
Depression and hope are natural enemies. When it comes to recovery from depression, sometimes others have to do the hoping for you. Graeme Cowan survived what his psychiatrist described as the worst depression he ever treated. Graeme says his parents, and the faith they had in him, helped him to eventually overcome the severe depression that nearly ended his life.
It is still hard to confess that from February through May of this year, I created a alternative persona called Ana Magersucht and became enmeshed in the pro-anorexia lifestyle. I joined several websites devoted to pro-anorexia under this alternative name, and began to buy into the idea of anorexia as a lifestyle choice and that recovery was optional. My eating disorders psychiatrist quickly became alarmed when I talked about what I was doing, and immediately suggested that I be hospitalized. I wasn't at my lowest weight yet, but I was heavily restricting and it was significantly affecting my health. But that was not his biggest concern. He was most concerned with my growing obsession with pro-anorexia.
In my current series, Diary of a Newly Diagnosed Dissociative, I've been writing about what I've observed to be common emotional reactions to receiving a Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis. I say, "emotional reactions," but I don't know if that really does justice to the enormous impact a DID diagnosis can and often does have. When I say I was confused, I mean I was nearly incapacitated by confusion. When I say I was afraid and lonely, I mean I was almost paralyzed by fear and loneliness. It's with that same respect for the degree of overwhelming emotion that I talk to you today about shame.
OK, so I admit it, I haven’t spent a whole lot of time thinking about gender’s relationship to depression. I know the basic pieces of information: more women are diagnosed with depression than men, and more women attempt suicide while more men actually commit suicide. But there is a lot to understand beyond that. Did you know that men are up to 15 times more likely to commit suicide than women?
or, How Not to Mistake Phish Food for Your Self-Esteem You're Not An Idiot Trying Harder Doesn't Always Work There's a lot of talk about positive thinking and its links with self-esteem but little that talks about tone. This made me feel really stupid, when I couldn't seem to think my way out of my mental illness. Tone Matters
Living with Dissociative Identity Disorder can be excruciatingly lonely. I endured my loneliest moments with DID in the first few years after diagnosis. Granted, my primary relationship at the time was drawing its dramatic last breaths and I'd recently lost my job. I had virtually no support system and was barely able to feed myself and my child. There's no doubt my loneliness was the result of more than just my Dissociative Identity Disorder diagnosis. But when I look back through my diaries from that time period, it's clear the diagnosis was partially to blame. In hindsight, it's easy to see why.
As I mentioned in this week's audio, Bob recently suffered a reaction to one of his psychiatric medications. He’s fine now, but the discussions between his father and I that have followed leave me wondering if he’ll survive the fallout.

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Hilary
Hi,

So sorry to hear this Christine.

You are welcome to email me. Anytime.
I am sorry you are struggling in such a hard situation. It's not an easy thing to go through when you love someone and they are your adult or young child. as well. I
Its v hard to talk about too.
I hope you and yr daughter are setting some boundaries that suit your situation (safety wise ) soon ...you would or are doing the right thing to set boundaries. together in writing, maybe even legally would be good.

Enforced living arrangements by a real estate agent or court is sometimes best in the end if all else fails, even though its v hard- or a group home while you think on what to do might be good -easier said than done...
All the best to you, yr daughter and yr family
Hilary
I understand and I am so sorry for your and your son's pain. I get it totally but not many do ... if you need to chat do write back to me . Keep going in the meantime by taking one day at a time and looking after you too x
William
thank you for making the effort to write about this with such honesty and insight . You may be ill but you sound more genuine and likeable than most of the superficial actors we meet everyday . I too have a similar ongoing battle involving much suffering despite perhaps appearing to others as "normal ". I am 60 in 2 weeks and poor mental health ..particularly depression and anxiety took away my ability to lead a normal life no matter how hard I tried . I became an alcoholic for perhaps 30 yrs ..trying to self medicate the feelings away . That almost killed me 7 years ago ..the last time I had a drink . I have no means of escape now but for several decades have believed buddhism offers great healing for us folk . Compassion , wisdom , peace and of course ..living life in the present moment , moment by moment ,..... ...all the things I have yearned for all my life . Good luck and much love from Devon in the UK .
Danielle
I just got into it with a stranger who was driving and didn't slow down like he was supposed to even though I was a pedestrian already in the crosswalk. He was turning into the plaza as I was using the crosswalk and we both hesitated but the default rule is to wait for pedestrians. But after all, he continued rolling passed me as I was half way thru the cross walk when he said out his window "pay attention ..blah blah". thats all I heard because before I knew it, I was shouting back at this car "no you pay attention, you're supposed to slow down for pedestrians" he was still driving but he stopped and put his car in reverse and started to "follow" me to argue. I was just going to my own car not too far into the parking lot. He stops and looks at me while I'm arguing back and they starts to insult my appearance. I was just running errands so I was in some flare yoga pants and a hoodie. My hair was poofy because I had just gotten it freshly colored that morning and it had been blow dried. I wasn't wearing makeup, so apparently he thought I looked like I was "on drugs" he asked me several times if I was high and I said what are you talking about and then he started laughing and calling me a tweaker or junkie. I was so insulted. I'm a woman, he was a man and just because I didn't dress for his gaze (the male gaze) while running errands, he concluded I looked so bad that I was on drugs? I'm so embarrassed and annoyed that this happened. All because he didn't want to slow down for a pedestrian in the cross walk? I can't help but feel like this is some kind of karma from the universe because I do admit that sometimes I am not the most patient or nice person out in public, but I never throw personal insults at people. If I am complaining or verbalizing my displeasure, it is directed at the situation itself rather than personal insults at the participating parties. For example, all I rebuttled back to him was that he needed to be the one to pay attention and later I told him he was very rude for saying I looked like a tweaker. He even pulled out his phone like he was going to start recording the altercation but I drove off hopefully not giving him enough time to make a decent video. I could have insulted him back, but he went straight for personal attacks and it hurt my feelings. I should not have to be insulted just for running errands while not being all done up.
Mags
Curious where this has ended up? As i am in this situation right now