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"It didn't matter to me that you had it, it was just who you were." ADHD can be hard on a relationship, but love truly does conquer all.
In a popular t.v. commercial, a Dad skips through the aisles of an office supply store, giddily tossing notebooks and pencils into his cart while his children glare at him. The accompanying music is untimely but fitting--”It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.”
The ad is meant to humorously demonstrate how differently kids and parents perceive the start of the school year. Most parents delight in the end of pricey summer care and/or the constant “I’m bored!” cries of their offspring. Parents of MI kids are no exception--although we may have more anxiety over the new school year than most.
Seroquel was the 5th grossing drug in 2009, with revenue of $4.2 billion. That’s more money than any pain-killer, antidepressant or erectile dysfunction medication. And my guess is that many of you reading this right now, are on it.
And I also guess almost none of you have taken the time to read the prescribing information on Seroquel.
One challenge of dissociative living is task management. Dissociation creates fissures in consciousness that make the demands of daily life extremely difficult to meet. It's important that I get my son to swimming lessons on time. Showing up for psychiatric appointments is imperative. Paying bills is not optional. But I cannot expect my dissociative mind to sustain awareness of all my obligations throughout many alter states. Instead, I rely on external tools to remember for me.
On Monday, I talked about what to do if you’ve just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and if you’ve read that piece then you know, I recommended a lot of breathing and thinking. I notably did not suggest decision-making.
Well, you can’t live in a yoga studio forever.
I call it DSM Scrabble because lots of people don't fit neatly into the categories doctors put them in. Diagnoses are convenient boxes but rarely entirely accurate, and certainly not the full picture.
It felt like I'd won the lottery the first time someone put an actual name to my experience of anxiety. My shrink knew all these catchy phrases that described where I was: Maybe she had connections? Maybe she could give me courage, a heart, a brain?
One aspect of hyperfocus in ADHD that I've not heard mentioned much is the inability to shift gears, or in other words, adapt to the flow when things change. You would think that an adult with ADHD would have spontaneity in the bag, but that golden attribute of ADHD impulsiveness is hampered when ADHD's hyperfocus mode is engaged.
I recently wrote about The Mistake of Settling in a Relationship and how, many times, people make a huge relationship mistake by settling for "Mr. Okay" instead of "Mr. Right." In that post, I also laid out the signs you are settling for the wrong person and reasons why people settle.
After receiving several reader comments, I want to discuss a related aspect in this video.
Well, I know you're not doing it for the money, the fame, or for an easy ride. Treating eating disorders is tough, and I admire those who take this up as a profession SO MUCH.
The summer before Bob started kindergarten, I signed him up for teeball.
I’m still not sure what I was thinking. I’m not a sports fan and have always refuted the argument kids need involvement in team sports to be fulfilled. I guess there was something about the image of Bob in a tiny uniform that must have persuaded me. Whatever it was, we found ourselves on a team.
Well, eventually, the depression demons took hold and he told me on August 5th 2023 that he decided he wanted to just move to MT and isolate himself from everyone. He had been offered a free place to stay if he did some maintenance. He is very handy and that type of situation was very ideal because it was flexible; he only worked on things on the days he was physically up to it.
We talked every night like "normal" up until he left on April 14th 2023. We had a long distance relationship then and so I didnt get to see him in person often and didnt see him that last week. He told me one last time that he loved me and he was sorry to hurt me and I have not heard from him since. He didnt even tell his parents or sister he was leaving.
I still love him as much as I ever have even though it has been over a year since we last spoke. I just had dinner with a close friend who was always very critical of him because often he would have to cancel plans last minute due to the Crohn's or because he would go dark for weeks at a time. She told me tonight that he is a selfish person and that if he truly loved me he would have gotten help for the depression. Oddly, she has been depressed before and suicidal which you would think would make her more understanding. I asked her if when she contiplated suicide was she selfish? She said yes. I said but are you a selfish person and she said no. I said that was the same for him. Sure him leaving me and his family was "selfish" but at his core, is he selfish? Absolutely not. She thinks because she was able to conquer her depression that if he really loved me, he would have fought his depression. It makes me sad to think she cant see the amazing guy that is buried under the depression. I know, without a doubt, if he did get a handle on the depression, that he would NOT be selfish at all. It is hard to understand why others cant see the true person under the depression.
I hope those that are struggling know that not everyone will abandon you in your time of suffering. There are people out there that see the real you and would do anything to help.
I encourage all those suffering from depression to not only tell your loved ones what you are going through, but also to seek professional help. And for those of you who love a person suffering from depression, have compassion and understanding for their struggle. Know they do not intentionally hurt you and deep down they still love you even if they cant show it.
Thanks for reading.
p.s. I also struggle with depression and anxiety but I did get help and between medication and coping techniques, I am able to be myself again.
From the story you told, it sounds like you know when your partner's alters switch.
I'm sorry this was written in the first/second person. But maybe apply this to your situation with a grain of salt.