First Flubs on the Job

I pay attention in class. I really do. I sit there with eyes open and brain straining to follow. I hear everything the instructor tells me. Then something usually goes horribly wrong in the follow through.

[caption id="attachment_74" align="alignleft" width="126" caption="Fail Rd. by fireflythegreat"][/caption]

Take my first week on the job here at HealthyPlace.com. I started off by forgetting to both sign my contract and send them my email address so they could pay me. It’s nice to know that I was proving to them my authenticity as an adult with ADHD.

Then it was time for me to post a blog. I followed along during instruction without any major difficulties. Yet somehow my first blog here never posted. Didn’t I schedule it properly? I set the date. I set the time. The keywords were all nice and keywordy. The summary was concise. The blog writing was thoroughly bloggish and even spelled correctly. Yet I got a kindly email from one of my editors around 8pm with a prompt to post.

Oh! You mean I have to click on the “Schedule” button after setting up the schedule? Whoops. Somehow I missed that and left my first post in draft form all day. No, I didn’t think to check back and make sure things were alright. That would have been too easy.

Then came Thursday’s blog. I wasn’t going to let anything mess up this time. I set the date. I set the time. I hit “Schedule” with flair and verve. The post even appeared at the designated hour. Yet in my mailbox again was another kindly reminder. This time I somehow forgot to title my blog before posting it so that its URL was something useful like /adhd/something-useful not /adhd/42/.

So I deleted the blog and reposted it. Now it was number 61, but still not something-useful.

In the past, this sort of failure would drive me into Depression. I would be wracked with guilt over my lack of skills. I would worry. I would ruminate. Then I would spend every waking hour (and sleeping hour) trying to troubleshoot the problem. I wouldn’t be able to leave it alone.

That isn’t dedication. That is an aspect of ADHD that is referred to by Hallowell & Ratey as the “tendency to worry needlessly, endlessly; tendency to scan the horizon looking for something to worry about, alternating with inattention to or disregard for actual dangers.”

Now, I’m not sure about that last part. I don’t recall ever putting myself in harms way while worrying about something, but I sure wore tracks in the carpet with all my pacing. Over time, though, I taught myself to not worry so much. It took great effort in the beginning, but my perseverance paid off.

So when it seemed I was hopelessly messing up my blog posts, I conceded that I had no idea what I was doing wrong, let my editor know what I had tried, told myself that they were still working out bugs in the system, and moved on to other projects. A few hours later the word came back that even they were having problems. It was a glitch.

As for my first week on the job, well at least they can rest assured that I know what I’m talking about when it comes to Adult ADHD. I’m not sure that comforts them, but it might be good for a laugh.

I’d love it if you could tell me about your first week foul-ups. Surely something is far enough in your past that you won’t mind letting us have a giggle along with you as you share it. Please leave a comment below.