Yes, I am Bipolar and, Yes, I Can Be Great

If I keep getting better, I can be whoever I want to be. Today was a fantastic day. I listened to my affirmations, meditated twice this morning and then I put on my suit to go to a volunteer meeting at NAMI. I was so psyched. My dream of helping others like me was going to come true. And then we listened to what they wanted in volunteers and I sighed. I didn’t want to answer the phone or pay a membership fee. I wanted to get down to the nitty gritty. I wanted to be with my people. I wanted to make a difference.

I did decide to join the Advocacy committee.

I want to stand up and fight for our rights in Congress. I want my voice to be heard. I believe I have something unique to add to the mix—I’m bipolar. I want to be stable enough to get my point across while keeping my passion alive and doing something great for something I believe in. When I started down this bipolar road, I wanted something to happen to me. I wanted to be saved and now I want to do the saving.

I also applied to volunteer at a State Mental Hospital.

Now’s that’s getting to the nitty gritty. I’ve spent so much time visualizing the inside of the state mental hospital, that it’s haunted me. But, today, I had to go through it’s walls to go to the NAMI meeting. I looked around and it didn’t look so horrific to me. It looked old and beautiful. I’m sure it’s housed some not so beautiful people inside, but so what. I've lived through psychotic episodes. What can be more horrific than that? Seeing things crawling all over your walls and hearing loud buzzing in your ears, I’m sure, is nothing compared to what these people are going through. But, I understand. I know what it’s like to lose your mind.

My journey has just begun, but already I feel like a winner.

And that’s saying something. If you told me a couple of weeks ago that I would be here, I would’ve laughed in your face. It’s hard to believe in yourself when you’re so down. I think it’s the bipolar medication and meditation. Ha! What a combination. There’s nothing like feeling leveled out and confident. I cried last week about my NAMI meeting. I didn’t think I would be good enough. Before the meeting today, I was confident and calm. Where did that come from? I think it’s medication and the mind. I’m finally getting it all sorted out. I’m on the way down my winding road.