Borderline and Relationships: The Fear of Abandonment

January 29, 2018 Shelby Tweten

Borderline and relationships are a tough pair to manage. Do you feel like no one can relate to your struggle with the fear of abandonment? Check this out.

Unfortunately, borderline and relationships just don't seem to go hand in hand. Everywhere you look there's talk of how it just won't work and your constant fear of abandonment will only leave you controlling and dependent. Sometimes all you can feel is alone. Relationships with borderline are tough.

Borderline and Relationships Will Never Be Easy

I wish I could write this article with the confidence that I have all the answers, but sadly, I am currently dealing with the struggle of fear and aggression that comes with borderline personality disorder. I feel like I just can't win. The second I communicate one thing to my partner, my mind changes its pace and he's having to relearn everything again. It's hard to find someone who is ready and willing to handle the true chaos of borderline and relationships (Borderline Personality Disorder Symptoms, Diagnosis).

Borderline Relationships and the Fear of Abandonment

I don't think I will ever escape the fear of abandonment. Even seconds ago, a simple song threw me into a fit of tears, flashing me back to eight years old when my sister died and I felt to blame for not being with my mom. It's the little things that triggered us borderlines into this codependent lifestyle. Now almost 15 years later, that pain and regret still play a major part in my relationships--I don't like feeling this way but it's like it was burned in my mind. If my boyfriend says he needs "space" after an argument, I lash out with anything to stop him from leaving me because all I can believe is he's never going to come back.

Borderline Makes Me Feel Like I'm the Problem in the Relationship

I feel like I'm constantly letting my partner down--I come with baggage I just can't seem to shake. If I had a dollar for every time one of my partners have said "all you wanna do is fight," I would definitely be able to pay for therapy. It's not my fault that I'm paranoid--or is it? But if it's not always my fault, why can't I stop punishing myself? Maybe one day we will learn the trick for success with balancing borderline and relationships.

APA Reference
Tweten, S. (2018, January 29). Borderline and Relationships: The Fear of Abandonment, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 15 from

Author: Shelby Tweten

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helen drummond
February, 10 2018 at 3:01 pm

Thanks this told me a lot in short a time and i understand.

Lizanne Corbit
January, 29 2018 at 2:31 pm

I think this is a very important concept - "I feel like I’m constantly letting my partner down–I come with baggage I just can’t seem to shake. " This feeling that we come with baggage, can automatically make us feel "less-than", it's hard to function from a loving place when we have these feelings, but acknowledging them and being patient with ourselves while we work through them is the strongest first step.

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