Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and New Relationships

April 2, 2018 Shelby Tweten

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) makes new relationships difficult. Taking it slow is often difficult for people with BPD, so learning to build a healthy relationship is very important. Learn more about BPD and new relationships at HealthyPlace.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) and new relationships create a challenge. We all know borderline personalities have an issue with relationships, but is there a way to make it start out more healthy--can we learn to take it slow? Let's look at the importance of taking it slow with BPD and new relationships, and how borderline can make it difficult to not get caught up in the moment.

BPD and New Relationships: It's Tough to Take It Slow

When you experience BPD and a new relationship, BPD makes it hard to take it slow. When you rush into a relationship with someone you are basing everything off of your immediate feelings for one another. You aren't sitting back and evaluating the reality of the situation. Are there things that I'm looking past now that could potentially hurt me later?

I am constantly having to remind myself to remain self-aware to avoid stress and abandonment triggers. The worst thing you can do is get extremely attached and then realize that there were things there all along that were red flags. Borderlines need to remember that their biggest triggers come from abandonment, even if imagined, so we have to find someone understanding and affirming enough to make us feel loved at all times.

Learning to Take a New Relationship Slow Seems Impossible

No matter what I do, I can't seem to find the happy medium of how to rightfully go into a new relationship with BPD. I feel like I live in some sort of fantasy land when it comes to love (Romantic Fantasization in Borderline Personality Disorder [BPD]). When I say love, I mean more "obsession" because I don't think I have had a completely normal and healthy relationship yet. I want one though, which is why I'm trying to learn how to take it slow.

It's like one moment I'm meeting someone and I either really dislike the person or I am obsessed with the person--meaning there is no in-between. If I don't like you, then I cut you off pretty quickly, but if I do like you, you immediately are holding the controller to my emotions.

Fear of Abandonment and BPD in New Relationships

I think one of the biggest reasons we as borderlines have trouble taking it slow is because we want more than anything to be loved. We think if we move things along quickly and make the person fall in love with us, he or she won't leave us. The sad reality of that is the average person wants to take things slow, which means we are pushing people away when we act so aggressive.

If we can learn to take it slow and create healthy boundaries, even with BPD, in new relationships, I think borderlines would be fantastic partners. We just need to remember that the other person has his or her own life and are allowed to live it separate from you (Does Borderline Personality Disorder Make You Codependent?). It's easier said than done I know, but the world, unfortunately, doesn't revolve around us.

APA Reference
Tweten, S. (2018, April 2). Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and New Relationships, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 15 from

Author: Shelby Tweten

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