Reasons to Leave a Verbally Abusive Relationship

A list of reasons to leave a verbally abusive relationship could be a very long list and yet any one reason would be reason enough. Information on why people stay in abusive relationships is pretty easy to track down, but finding reasons you should leave is not nearly as common. In fact, when doing some preemptive brainstorming for this article, I entered “reasons to leave an abusive relationship” into Google and the majority of results were articles on why people stay. Understanding why we do the things we do is important. Becoming informed about anything that touches our lives so personally is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. However, to learn, grow, and evolve, we must look toward our next step, we must be willing to explore our own possibilities, only then will we begin to move on.

How I Came Up with a List of Reasons to Leave a Verbally Abusive Relationship

I was, admittedly, very disappointed with Google’s lack of resources on my topic. I can’t possibly be the only person searching for this material. The thought that someone else may have searched for a good reason to leave abuse to no avail, bummed me out. So in doing research, I decided to search for answers on my own, the old-fashioned way -- I picked up the phone and rang some friends. I asked them two questions:

1. What is a reason so solid you'd consider actually leaving your verbally abusive relationship?
2. Has the quality of your life improved subsequent to leaving your verbally abusive relationship?

I asked five trusted sources, friends of mine that have been through horrendously abusive relationships, and the answers they shared were poignant and genuine.

Reasons to Leave a Verbally Abusive Relationship

Question: What is a reason so solid you'd actually consider leaving your verbally abusive relationship?

L said:

A good reason to leave would be . . . verbal abuse impacts your self-worth and makes you question who you are. It brings out insecurities and makes you sad all of the time.

F said:

Once I had space from him, I gained clarity. I started to grasp everything I had gone through, everything I’d sacrificed. I was stuck in a rut, waiting for the person I fell in love with to come back. Then it clicked, I understood deep down that this person is not good for me, that the bad will always outweigh the good.

M said:

If someone continually demeans you, and it gets chronically and progressively worse, you can gather from that trend and conclude that it will only get worse. If your situation is already unacceptable, statistically speaking, it will remain that way.

E said:

If I could do it all again, I would do it with the strength of character I have now. I would leave anyone that made me feel weak, empty, and refused to give me equal space in the relationship. I would tell him that my soul, mind, heart, creativity, love, family and intelligence are not his to own, not his to take away.

B said:

The main reason for me is to take control of my life. Verbal abuse tends to alienate you from not only your friends and family, but that type of manipulation makes you compromise who you really are and what you believe within. I felt like I had lost control of all aspects of my life, and my life was now contingent upon someone else. I was a puppet. If I ever felt I was losing my authenticity as a person because of someone’s abuse, I would hope I’d find the strength to leave.

Question: Has the quality of your life improved subsequent to leaving your abusive relationship?

Answers to this question were:

• “Yes.”
• “Dramatically.”
• “I actually wake up happy every day.”
• “Oh my God, dramatically!”
• “Absolutely. Tremendously!”

Leaving a verbally abusive relationship is messy, tough, and heart-wrenching. One of the hardest things you may ever do will likely be the best thing for you. Reasons to leave a verbally abusive relationship are that you deserve to be valued, cared for, and loved. You are no one’s doormat or puppet. You have the potential for a happy life, filled will love and success. You are not powerless and you can exercise the power that you have by developing a safe plan and leaving.

*Thank you to my brilliant, fabulous, resilient, friends for being so candid with me. I’d like to note what impressive people each of you are; I’m so glad to know you all and have been so grateful to witness the places you have gone and the way you have persevered.