Anxiety Have You Second-Guessing Yourself? Be Self-Assured

Have you ever second-guessed yourself, questioning your words or actions? Many people place second-guessing at or near the top of their list of agonizing effects of anxiety. At best, it can knock down your sense of inner peace and happiness a notch or two. At worst, anxiously second-guessing our choices can cause us to berate ourselves relentlessly, unnecessarily assume blame, question whether we're good enough, and begin to pull away from a connected, active lifestyle. We don't have to let anxiety have this life-limiting and frustrating effect on us. Stop second-guessing and become self-assured in what you say and do. 

Anxiety and Second-Guessing Make Us Lost to Ourselves

Worry and fear make it seem like it's us alone versus the world, but self-doubt can destroy even this single positive reassurance, the thought that we can rely on ourselves. In causing us to second-guess what we say and do, anxiety makes us feel that we can't trust ourselves. We've lost ourselves as our own allies. 

Second-guessing can take many forms. You might be experiencing self-doubt if you feel anxious and do one or more of the following:

• Lying awake at night replaying conversations in your head and agonizing over things you said or left unsaid
• Re-reading important emails because you're afraid you sounded stupid, offensive, or otherwise off-putting
• Using harsh labels for yourself because you're afraid you said or did something you shouldn't have
• Feeling guilty for something that happened when it actually had nothing to do with you
• Frequently checking in with others to see if you've offended them
• Avoiding making any decisions, no matter how small, because you're worried about making the wrong choice
• Staying at home rather than going someplace you used to enjoy because you're not sure how to act or what to say when you get there

This is just a sampling of what this devastating effect of anxiety can do. If you're disconnected from your sense of self because anxiety has you second-guessing your thoughts, feelings, and actions, you're not permanently lost. You can shift from self-doubt to self-assurance. 

Replace Anxiety and Second-Guessing with Self-Assurance

It is possible to stop second-guessing yourself and become self-assured, calm, and content with your words and actions. These are just a few examples of therapeutic activities you can do to reverse self-doubt. They come from a variety of helping approaches and can be used singly or in combination. 

• Acceptance: Rather than fighting with your doubtful thoughts, acknowledge them, accept that no one is perfect, and remind yourself of what's important to you so you can keep moving toward what you value.
• Identify and seek: When you're agonizing, pick one worry (one thing you're beating yourself up for), and counter it. Look for evidence that it's not true. Just because you think something is true, it doesn't mean it's realistic.
• Affirmations: Write positive statements about yourself on note cards, sticky notes, or craft sticks. Make each one short and meaningful to you (e.g., "My comments add to conversations.").
• Meditation and/or deep breathing: When your mind races with self-deprecating thoughts, bathe yourself in quiet. Close your eyes, breathe slowly and deeply, and concentrate on the sound and feel of your breath. This is part of more formal meditation practices as well as short breathing breaks wherever you are at the moment. 
• Mindfulness: Pull yourself out of anxious self-doubt by grounding yourself in the present moment. In the below video, I provide tips on how to use mindfulness to prevent anxiety from making you second-guess yourself. I invite you to tune in.