BPD and the Relationship Dilemma
When you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you live with the BPD relationship dilemma. What is the BPD relationship dilemma? Well, I just made it up. But, it might sound familiar if you or someone you know has BPD. For me, at least, relationships used to feel like an impossible paradox.
What Is the BPD Relationship Dilemma?
When I first learned what BPD was, I was floored by how much of it was familiar. I have experience with many of the symptoms listed in The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Still, the abandonment and relationship aspects really hit home. I didn’t use to understand why I was so desperate to be in a relationship or why I would swing from infatuation to disgust.
I wanted a partner so badly that it physically hurt to be single. But I could lose my feelings at the drop of a hat. I used to say my curse was to forever wish for companionship but never entirely acquire it.
Healing From the BPD Relationship Dilemma
As with every aspect of my recovery, learning about my BPD symptoms has been the key to addressing them. When I’m reminded of an emotion I had during my formative years, I sometimes unconsciously reenact the dynamic from the original context — even if it’s not beneficial.
This information is helpful when dealing with unwanted relationship behaviors. Nowadays, when I feel triggered in a relationship, I identify the emotion that’s being triggered, and I try to remember the first time I felt that way. When I find the original context, I deal with the initial hurt. Being aware of the original context is often enough to disarm the trigger.
How have you learned to overcome your BPD relationship dilemmas? Let me know in the comments.
Brown, D. (2022, September 6). BPD and the Relationship Dilemma, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, March 25 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/borderline/2022/9/bpd-and-the-relationship-dilemma
Author: Desiree Brown
I’m having a lot of trouble. My BPD seems from my ptsd. This is the first relationship that I have been in since I was raped… x3. I’m struggling so badly. I know in my heart that I love him but he fights me at every turn. I don’t know what to do. I know I am justified in what I say but I will start using your method. Thanks. Maybe things will get better or at least easier. But I have my doubts. 😢
I relate to a lot of what you’ve written here, Desiree. It’s a great tactic to try to trace these feelings back to their origins when they arise. That’s a strategy I’m going to try in the future! :)
Hi Mel! Thanks for the comment! I hope it helps you as much as it has me! <3