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Does Schizoaffective Disorder Make Me Socially Awkward?

December 8, 2022 Elizabeth Caudy

I have schizoaffective disorder, and I am very socially awkward. I don’t know if my schizoaffective disorder is what makes me feel that way.

Medication for Schizoaffective Disorder Made Me Socially Awkward

I do know that, at one time, the medication I took for my schizoaffective disorder increased the experiences that made me feel socially awkward. I was overmedicated, and I was mostly silent in social situations until I would just blurt out statements that were often inappropriate or had nothing to do with the conversation the people around me were having.

One time, I was at a party with some family friends, and the discussion was about one woman’s deceased son. Even though I had been close friends with him, the only thing I could think to say was that he had thrown up in my car once. The room went silent. A few minutes later, embarrassed about my faux pas, I told his mother it was like having a rock star puke in my car. This was not an exaggeration; her son had been a rock star to me. But I’m not sure the added comment made her feel any better.

Since my medication made me socially awkward, I changed it a few times until I got the right mix. Until then, I went through a phase of bringing up illicit drugs in conversation whenever possible. This was strange for me since I didn’t do illicit drugs. But when I realized how uncomfortable it was making the people around me, I stopped.

The puzzling thing about all this is that I still dated a lot until I met my husband. But now I have very few friends. I’m still in contact with some old friends but haven’t made new friends in years--I’m talking almost 20 years.

I’m Socially Awkward Because I Don’t Like Meeting New People

A big part of the problem is that I just don’t like meeting new people. COVID didn’t help--when I used to go for walks, I considered strangers that passed by “harbingers of death.” Even now, when I pass by people who are smiling, I think they’re laughing at me, or at best, I wonder what they have to be so happy about.

Another reason I don’t like meeting new people is that they don’t feel “safe” to me. My family, and especially my husband, make up a circle of people who are my safe people. A few friends fall into the category of safe people as well. I have one friend who moved to the West Coast, but we’ve literally been friends since we were five--how could she not be one of my safe people?

So, I may be socially awkward, but I’m blessed to be surrounded by family and friends who love me and whom I love. As I said, I don’t know if my schizoaffective disorder is what makes me socially awkward. But I don’t think it helps.

APA Reference
Caudy, E. (2022, December 8). Does Schizoaffective Disorder Make Me Socially Awkward?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, January 30 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/creativeschizophrenia/2022/12/does-schizoaffective-disorder-make-me-socially-awkward



Author: Elizabeth Caudy

Elizabeth Caudy was born in 1979 to a writer and a photographer. She has been writing since she was five years old. She has a BFA from The School of the Art Institute of Chicago and an MFA in photography from Columbia College Chicago. She lives outside Chicago with her husband, Tom. Find Elizabeth on Google+ and on her personal blog.

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