One Year After My Dissociative Identity Disorder Diagnosis

At one year after my dissociative identity disorder diagnosis, I can say I have learned a lot. When you receive a dissociative identity disorder (DID) diagnosis, your life changes (Criteria for Dissociative Identity Disorder in the DSM-5). You learn to adjust your life as a multiple in a world designed for singletons. Those adjustments aren't easy, but you try and figure it out. Some changes can lead to progress, while other changes can set you back. So does living with DID get easier over time? Is one year after my dissociative identity disorder diagnosis easier than day one?

Accepting Dissociative Identity Disorder Diagnosis Is Still Difficult

Every person copes with a DID diagnosis in different ways, and there is no right way to cope. Not every person accepts a diagnosis right away. Denial can continue for weeks, months, or years after receiving the diagnosis.

It's hard to accept that you have a mental illness. It's hard to accept that you experienced severe trauma (90% of people with DID have a history of abuse and neglect in childhood). While it can be relieving to have a diagnosis, that diagnosis also brings truth that is hard to face, even years later.

Part of the treatment for DID is working through the trauma that you and your parts have experienced through therapy. When you have DID, therapy isn't a short-term commitment; it can take years. Therapy is helpful for working through trauma and learning to work with your parts , but it involves a lot of emotional hard work. There will be setbacks. There will be times when you need to take a break, and that's okay.

My Experience Living with DID One Year After My Diagnosis

I was officially diagnosed with DID in August 2015. Now, more than one year later, I can say my life is different. I go to therapy twice a week, every week. I spend my free time in online support groups. I write about DID on this blog every other week. I even got the opportunity to share part of my story in a book about DID.

But I am also struggling more than ever. It's still hard for me to accept that I have this diagnosis. I still tell myself the abuse didn't happen to me. I still grab hold of a fantasy life, a life in which I was never hurt, a life in which I say "I'm okay" without knowing it's a lie.

My system is still chaotic. I try to work with my parts; I try to communicate with them. It's overwhelming. I thought I had just a few parts -- that I could handle. But as I started working with them more, I realized that my system was a more complex than I originally thought. I still don't know where I end and another part begins.

My therapist and I are just now starting to work with the specifics of my DID. That's because I've had moments when I struggled with stabilization; I wasn't practicing self-care. I've narrowly avoided hospitalization and intensive treatment. While I am stable now, I worry about when I will fall back into dysfunction again.

You Can Manage with Your DID Diagnosis, but It Takes Time

There is no cure for DID. Whether you choose to integrate or to remain a multiple, your DID doesn't disappear -- you just learn to manage it better. No matter how you decide to manage your DID, healing takes time.

For those who are still struggling with DID a year after diagnosis, or even 10 years after, you are not alone. It's okay to want to deny it. It's okay to be stuck in therapy. It's okay to feel confused, scared, or frustrated. You are a work in progress.

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