How To Tell The Wing Nuts From The Phonies

March 19, 2013 Alistair McHarg

In a culture as deeply superficial as ours it is often difficult to tell the authentic from the false.

It is easy to sympathize with the phonies, poseurs, affected wannabe’s and disingenuous empty vessels passing off pilfered ideas as original, skating past any serious analysis or criticism by others as an ant might slide across a non-stick sauce pan slathered with extra virgin olive oil.

Their dilemma is not unfamiliar. How does one stand out in an atmosphere of mass homogenization where, thanks to the constant recycling of mediocre ideas discarded by others, we are reduced to virtual clones, unable to generate anything original or even recognize originality in others?

With apps ever ready to do the work and thinking for us, today’s Johnny & Jane Lunchbucket simply don’t have the energy or ability to develop attributes sufficient to earn the name “personality”. So what’s a faker to do?

Simple – steal one! This is not as odd as it sounds, indeed, throughout history residents of society’s inner circle – where tedium is sought out and bland banality honored as a virtue – have looked beyond the castle walls for character, creativity, flair, vision and style. Shamelessly pillaging the campsites of society’s least loved minority groups they returned home with loot enough to pretend they were interesting.

And thus, gentle reader, do we arrive at the crux of this tale. You see, crazy is the new cool – and so - these days there are a lot of creeps passing themselves off as wing nuts when in fact they’re square bears in chicken outfits. This leaves the average citizen with the challenge of separating the honest to goodness wing nuts from the phonies.

Keep an ear out for these phrases; they will help you differentiate.

“I’m crazy, man, I’m dangerous, man. I could snap just like that.” Phony

“I am perfectly sane, no need to worry about me!” The Real Thing

“When I walk down the street, children run and hide.” Phony

“I stepped onto a Moebius strip to get to the same side.” The Real Thing

“My thoughts are too advanced for society.” Phony

“Wearing my underwear outside my clothes makes laundry day easier.” The Real Thing

“I hear voices and they all sound like Oprah Winfrey.” Phony

“I hear voices arguing with each other and ignoring me altogether.” The Real Thing

“I drink to forget something I’ve forgotten because I’ve been drinking.” Phony

“The more you drink the more talented I become.” The Real Thing

Hope these help! Be on the lookout, poseurs are everywhere!

APA Reference
McHarg, A. (2013, March 19). How To Tell The Wing Nuts From The Phonies, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 19 from

Author: Alistair McHarg

March, 23 2013 at 8:16 am

Hi Alistair :) I think the phrase "If I didn't know I was crazy, I'd go insane." would qualify as the "real thing". Have a great week!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
March, 23 2013 at 12:10 pm

Definitely would qualify!

March, 23 2013 at 4:52 am

that mostly went right over my head and I am not going to try and figure it out - I only found one of the phrases funny...sometimes they put the sane people in the lonny bin. I read an interesting quote recently that goes something like this I am crazy I only try to act normal or something like that

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
March, 23 2013 at 5:14 am

Thanks for reading, and writing. Humor really is a sport for the reckless, people frequently don't find one's work funny and then go "Huh?" - or get offended. Thanks for being a good sport about it!

March, 22 2013 at 6:07 am

There are people out there who want to appear as if they have a mental illness? Why on earth would somebody want that?!

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Alistair McHarg
March, 22 2013 at 7:30 am

Hi Matt: Thanks for reading, and especially for writing. You would be surprised how many people claim to have mental illnesses but don't! This happens for a variety of reasons, some of which are stated in the piece. Evading responsibility is a big one, especially for crimes - and of course - appearing to be interesting and complex when they are not. Cheers!

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