Putting Your Recovery First

The topic for this blog came from a phone conversation with someone in-my-circle-of-people-I-appreciate-and-trust. That's a mouthful. In other words: I have a difficult time trusting people. And this person, whom I have known for a verrrry long time (who I love very much), called me one the morning. As she usually does. Without hesitation.

So, What Happened?

After all, a phone call is just a phone call, right? Well, sometimes. This person has a habit of going on antidepressants for a few weeks, and then back off, claiming they don't need them. But they do. They suffer with depression. They wonder why, exactly, they feel rather ill when they stop taking them. I explain, over and over to a highly educated person, that the body needs to detox from medication. Slowly. This is important.

I wonder, why must I have to explain this over and over again? But I do. And this person responds: "Well, I've never had a problem going off them abruptly" and later, call telling me they don't feel so great. No kidding!

Truly, they deserve a goddamn award for the inability to understand the very basics of medication compliance. Go off their medication--that's their prerogative--but it would be nice if I did not have to keep explaining the obvious. They have access to Google. Perhaps, I should suggest it. Where am I going here? I have a point outside of the context of This Being My Story: those who struggle with mental illness face stigma from those who struggle as well.

Medication Compliance

I asked this person why they were going off of their medication--again. The response: "It's making me feel sluggish. Lazy. I have gained weight. I cannot sleep." The list goes on. This person takes a very low dose of an antidepressant. I sit on the other side of phone thinking of all the medication I take: decent sized handfuls twice a day to keep me sane.

I wonder, well, if they feel sluggish, how do I feel? I think I feel okay, but how can I really know? Maybe, I walk around in a dense fog. But I feel okay. I do not mention this. I just explain that the medication has kept this person well and soon enough they will enter darkness and be back at square one: complaining that a low dose of an antidepressant is ruining their lives, when, in fact, it is saving it.

They will call me, a week later, sometimes crying: "I don't feel well! I'm depressed!" No kidding. Ugh. They go back on the medication. They are well. They go off it. They get sick. And I get sick of the charade of explaining what is blatantly obvious. This person is an adult, decades older than I, and I get sick of playing psychiatrist. Because it makes me feel bad. After these phone calls, thinking of all the pills I take, and their reluctance to take just one.

Putting Your Mental Health First

I decided that I don't need to be talking about my mental health nor theirs with this person. I need to take care of my own. You cannot minimize another person's illness, no, but you can distance yourself from their situation if it is affecting your recovery.

Sometimes, those who struggle with mental illness can be a detriment to our recovery. It's important to make sure we stay well and, sometimes, this involves being honest with people. Next time she calls, I will not bite my tongue, I will explain that I take my medication because I have to, and I feel a little put off when told that they do not need theirs.

Protect yourself--even from those who love you--if you must.

Your recovery comes first. Remember that.

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