Spending Time Alone at Christmas for My Mental Health

For the past few years, I've decided to prioritize my mental health and not visit my family over the holidays. It's a decision not everyone may understand. Aren't the holidays about spending time with your loved ones? I do love my family, but the most loving thing I can do for myself is to take quiet time alone to rest and relax. Time with my parents and sister is often stressful and triggering for me. I've decided that my mental health is more important than anything else.

Time Alone Will Give Me Mental Health for Christmas

I know that it would make my parents and sister happy if I agreed to visit them over the holidays, but I also know that my mental health would suffer. Visits with them can take days or weeks for me to recover from. I always leave feeling drained and sad. Why would I want to do that to myself?

When I'm in their company, I feel like I have to play the role of a daughter, sister, and aunt who's happy and stable, when I'm actually living my life in a state of controlled chaos. I have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex posttraumatic stress disorder (complex PTSD), and both conditions have made it difficult for me to have much stability in my life. I'm more stable than I used to be, but I still struggle to hold down a job and manage my mental health. 

Some might think that one of the ways to increase the level of stability in my life would be to spend more time with my family. Their lives have been more stable than mine -- they have long-term jobs and haven't moved nearly as often as I have -- but that doesn't mean that spending more time with them would make me any more stable. As much as I love them, I find that I'm the most stable when I keep my distance.

Spending Time Alone at Christmas Will Boost My Mental Health

I feel most at peace when I'm alone. I'm an introvert at heart. What I most want this Christmas is to have the time and space to meditate, write, and go for a walk. I may see friends for lunch during the holidays; I may not. No matter what, Christmas Day will be a day I spend enjoying my own company in peace. I know it will do wonders for my mental health.