Secrets in Eating Disorder Recovery, Part Two

I'm always real fascinated by the stories I read in newspapers and magazines about people who've gone from being seriously obese (and we're talking about life-threatening stuff here) down to their ideal weight. I mean these people work hard, harder than I've probably ever had to work in my life, to sort out their weight issues and it can take them years. So how come we all can't do the same?

I used to be anorexic and now I'm struggling with binge eating. It's so frustrating. I'm at my highest weight EVER, easily x-y pounds overweight.. wishing I could flip the switch back to anorexia. Toying with the bulemic avenue, but afraid of the repercussions. Don't know how to get help. I know my ED is my go to coping mechanism and my husband has been traumatically I'll for the past 5 years. I think in the Prairie region of Canada the resources are sadly lacking. Glad to have found this blog at least.
Thank you and good luck to you.

Jess,
It's never easy, is it? I'm exactly eight years out of inpatient treatment, and I've been ED behavior-free for about the last four or five. Most of the cognitions have disappeared, too. But every once in awhile I have to fight one back.
We all travel our own roads back to wellness--living in varying degrees of darkness and light until finally we can flip the switch all the way on. No two journeys look alike, but I want you to know that there is a life after anorexia. It's a rich one. One in which your daily activities and relationships aren't plagued by the shadows of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" and "can'ts."
You can do this. You deserve the freedom recovery brings. Everyone does.

This is a good post. It's really helpful to me to read how it really is for someone in recovery. Specifically to hear how someone else is grappling with difficulties, relapse or set backs. I've read a lot of blogs where people have stopped their eating disorder behaviors and while that gives me hope, it doesn't help me understand how others deal with struggles. When someone acknowledges their weakness it helps me feel more kind to myself.
So I thank you for your honesty.
What's next for me in my recovery?.....having just made a shift into abstinence after more than 21 years of bulimia...I'd say to just keep doing what i'm doing because it's finally working. I'm working hard on recovery, so I have to also be gentle with myself as I'm now facing a lot of difficult emotions that I've buried for a long long time. Thanks for your writing.

Thanks so much for sharing! I have had an eating disorder recovery blog for awhile now, and have been working on my recovery book for about six years. It wasn't until this past year that I truly have considered myself fully recovered--and that is probably why it wasn't until now, six years later, that I am FINALLY getting ready to publish the book. It can take a lot of time to get there--but as long as you find your reasons to recover, you WILL get there.

I've always believed that recovery is way harder than living an eating disorder. ED has always been a sort of coping mechanism for me and it's much easier to hide in unhealthy behaviors than deal with my reality.
I think a public blog is a great way to recover. If I had to blog all my shit, I probably would think twice about doing it.

Jess, just because of what you've been through and what you HAVE accomplished (regardless of setbacks and struggles you're having), I do think you're inspirational. Through relapse or recovery, you're still going to be someone I look up to. You're like my older sister, you know? I love you no matter what, and I don't want you to feel that pressure from me. Of course I love it when you're doing well, but I'm not going to hate you when you're struggling. You're a good person, Jess. I'm sorry if I've even said something wrong in this response. But I wish you good luck with pulling things together. I'm here to support you.

This article makes a lot of sense to me. People have often said that my blog is "inspirational" and it really makes me wonder. And over the last year as I have gained all of my weight back, i've battled feeling like a complete fraud. I gave up blogging for most of the summer, because I didn't like the idea of people looking to me for advice, when I clearly don't have my s*** together. I don't exactly what took me back to blogging, but I hope when I do talk about weight and my journey I can be honest and open.

There IS something to say in not judging one's recovery on weight/numbers alone....
So remember that.