Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me
I am a strong person, physically. At six-foot-three inches tall and 250 pounds, most people wouldn't waste their breath arguing that assertion. And, whether because of, or in spite of, my bipolar and anxiety diagnoses, I consider myself to be strong mentally, as well. I am intelligent, accomplished, likeable, and successful.
Despite the mountains of evidence of this, my brain works diligently to convince me that every interaction I have with another person is a misstep. If I text someone and they don’t reply back, it is obvious they are mad at me. If someone doesn't answer the phone when I call, say hello when they pass by, or reply to my email, then my mind goes into what can only be described as an emotional roller coaster. It isn't a fun, state-of-the-art roller coaster, either. It’s an old wooden one, poorly maintained, and it’s painful when it turns corners. The ride up the first hill is jerky, slow, and the anticipation sends shock waves I can feel all over my body. It is emotionally, physically, and even mentally straining. It is fear, panic, anticipation, and dread all rolled into one giant full body panic attack.
Anxiety Convinces Me That Everyone Hates Me
At that moment, I feel as though everyone I know is mad at me. They all disrespect me, think I am stupid, and do not want me in their lives any longer. Quite simply, my anxiety says everyone hates me.
Now, on top of all the other emotions, guilt forms. I feel guilty that I put someone in such a difficult position. I imposed by reaching out to them. Asking them a question, for a favor, or simply saying hello was uncalled for. I should not have done it and, since I’m a good person, I want to apologize. I want to reach back out to them and ask if they are mad, if they are okay, what I did wrong, and let them know I want to make amends. I want to set things right.
I Just Want the Anxiety to Stop
More often than not, what does get me in trouble and where I do make a mistake is by war dialing, constantly texting or e-mailing, or asking them one too many questions about why something is a certain way. Even apologizing for a legitimate mistake can be over the line, if handled the wrong way.
Ninety-seven times out of a hundred, the reason I didn't hear back was because the person was busy, in a meeting, mulling it over, or because people have things to do other than answer me. In the rare occasions where I did make a mistake, offend, or bother someone, the issue is generally cleared up quickly with an explanation and an apology. The people in my life know that I am a good person and don’t intentionally hurt others and they doubly know I wouldn't intentionally hurt them.
Ignoring the Anxiety that Says that Everyone Hates Me
It is hard to sit back, relax, and not engage the anxiety. It baits me to do something I will later regret. I work with my therapist to find techniques to calm down and I explain to my friends and family that when I ask if they are mad me, it is because I genuinely care and I want to make sure they are okay. I am also honest in admitting that checking in with them alleviates my suffering. Often, it is more about me than about them, and they understand that.
There are as many ways to alleviate anxiety as there are people. It is trial and error, but there are techniques that work for many people. Mindfulness, meditation, advanced preparation, sleep hygiene, therapy, and medication can all be used to control this disorder. But the biggest factor in this will always be me.
You can find Gabe on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, and his website.
Howard, G. (2014, May 6). Anxiety Says Everyone Hates Me, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, June 8 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2014/05/anxiety-says-everyone-hates-me
Author: Gabe Howard
Have found volunteering helped great deal!To meet good people!Good chance to meet real people!
I've been feeling this way for years now. I constantly believe that everyone is out to get me, everyone has a secret ways of communicating that I don't understand. I get so caught up in my thoughts that I really believe they are true. The way I feel about myself i automatically think everyone else feels that way about me. I slowly feel like I'm losing my mind. I get annoyed super fast and I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want my life back. I want to be able to laugh and interact with my family and friends. Someone please help
Same man , and when im in groups espexially my own friends , i feel like they are secretly communicating behind my back , as if they invited me to make a fool out of me , and when i get the courage to ask they all deny . But then i just get really upset and whem someone of that group will talk to me , i feel like they are making sarcasm and i get really upset that i break everyone with difficult words.. Then i just go home and isolate myself and think about what happened and i just wajt to end this up .. If someone can help me ...
I was wondering if you got picked on when you were younger and have actually heard some one bad mouth you if that could have to do with the way my brain thinks.
I can totally relate... when ever someone doesn't react me back especially after I tell them something I instantly think that they are mad... or even if they don't talk that much I'm like r u mad and they say no im just tired... but my friends tend to also stay mad at me bc they know it gets to me. I don't tell them to stomp bc I'm afraid that they will be mad. They are not bad friends they don't know how it hurts me but I just can't stick up for myself
Times we can be paranoid!Once learnt others opinions of me isn't whats important!I create my own positive thinking!Iam not others opinions of me!
I am in the military and believe it or not i feel the same way when I communicate with co-workers and people in my squadron...i feel like I am a burden on anything and everything when it comes down to social interaction whether work related or not. Obviously im going to go get some help with this and see what i can do to reverse it. Been a hard road on the mental aspect of things
I feel so alone in this. Whenever I argue with someone I cry. I feel like I can't believe that I have caused someone to be so mad at me. My mom says it's a maturity thing (she doesn't have anxiety). She has said multiple times that some people just won't like you and you can either take it or leave it. Which is true, yes. But she doesn't consider the mental aspect behind it. Like me having meltdowns is just me being immature. She says the same thing when other adults do the same thing. I need some help and advice. Is it immature to have meltdowns when I feel like I've wronged someone and that the think I'm an idiot. Or is it anxiety?
WOW! When I read this I was shocked, amazed, relieved and so much more. This article could have been written by myself! But it was certainly written about me to a t!! Apart from the Bipolar. I do not have a diagnosis of Bipolar. I do have ADD though. Gosh so enlightening thank you. I am going to keep a copy of this to show friends and family in the hope they may one day understand me.
Its more important we understand self!We can only change our own self!We all create our own self!Others opinions are just that!Opinions!Give self a break &time out!
I, too, struggle with social anxiety. Sometimes I feel good and like I'm able to have great, normal interactions with people and a lot of times I worry that everyone hates me, or think I'm cold or a bumbling idiot because I frequently struggle with social interactions. I know that there are lots of personality types that make the world go 'round and have come to believe that social anxiety is common among people who are highly sensitive in nature which makes us great at careers in fields like science, math and the arts. I often wonder if it weren't for social anxiety if humanity would have innovators like Einstein or even Mark Zuckerberg , who probably stayed away from people to develop new ideas in their own comfortable bubble. So there's a part of me that embraces my awkwardness because I know that it aids me in self-isolating and doing what I love to do: which is to write. As highly sensitive people, I think we should embrace our alone time and channel it into pursuing creative (or inventive) dreams, while also continuing to make time and efforts to attempt to be social no matter how difficult it can sometimes be. I wish everyone the best with their journey's. I am working on embracing this part of myself, recognizing it in others and just doing my best to show love and care to all people I interact with, and know that as long as my intentions are good, people will hopefully feel that from me (no matter how my brain may try and make me feel about it later). Best to everyone!
I'm in tears rn.....this was so helpful cause for once I found what is wrong with me.....thank you!
Thanks 4 sharing!I too am writer!Great therapy!&therapeutic!With hope &faith we can arrive on our most comfortable squares in our life!
My anxiety prevents me to be around crowds, stores, elevators ect... I'm afraid all the time. I take meds for this but still have these problems. Can anybody help!
I have been struggling with anxiety for quite a while now. Not many people know about it. I'm not sure if my anxiety is leading me to think that I annoy everyone and that everyone hates me or if it's true. I always feel like I annoy people when I talk to them too much even if they say that I don't annoy them. It makes me scared and it makes me feel like I have done something wrong. Any advice?
Im sorry you are suffering from this. My mom has always suffered like this and now me ugh exhausting
This perfectly puts words to the way I've been feeling. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one. Thank you for sharing, I wish you all the best!
I'm an artist, but I spent so much time fighting the inner voice of being worthless and useless that I gave up attempting to practice and improve because battling my thoughts exhausted me. I still manage to work as an artist, but my job is the only way to quell the inner voices because I have to get it done - I'm afraid to fail in meeting my obligations. In the last couple of years, I just gave up on people, especially, after I had my son. I tried a few times to get together with people, but it seems like their schedules were always so busy, so I gave up. I generally feel like a nuisance and a bother. Like, I really am just in the way. Now, I just resent and sometimes hate the people I did have as friends who disappeared after I had my son. Unfortunately, my husband has a bunch of anxiety related to his verbally abusive, neglectful mother, and other childhood issues and we're not very kind to each other anymore. I think about suicide a lot as escaping, but it's more just wanting to escape than anything. I do want to see my son grow up, and I'm scared to be nothing but a negative experience in his life. I'm scared to death that he doesn't love me and will only grow up to resent me. I know I have a lot of emotional maturity issues. My mom was very overprotective, and I spent a lot of time alone growing up. My brother had substance abuse issues, as well, while I was growing up and an entire set of rejection issues for him which affected us all. I'm proud of where my brother is now in his life, but its taken him a long time to get there. My dad has his own emotional immaturity issues from his childhood neglect though he's been a great loving support in my life and my son's, and I don't know what I'd do without him, but it's taken me years to grow up to where I am. I have no friends and feel so isolated. Any more I have little time to engage in any kind of relaxing. It feels like I'm always on, always doing something for somebody and can't ever release stress from morning to night daily. My husband and I work opposite schedules - and, honestly, he chooses grave schedules because he has an anxiety of being around large groups of people. I spend a lot of time resenting him. Life feels like this unending hamster wheel of misery sometimes - especially with the struggles of trying to get my almost 4 year old boy to potty train and eat anything healthy which is a daily source of frustration. Don't get me wrong, my son's a sweet, wonderful little boy, I'm just starting to realize that maybe screwed up people like us, don't get to have happy joyful families. We don't learn how to raise children and have no family support or generational knowledge to help. Life just feels like a Murphy's Law of failure - like this irritating pebble in my shoe of missteps and poor choices. I tried to be peaceful and let life be joyful this weekend, be intentional with my son, and my husband and I got in an argument where I threatened to divorce him because he just wouldn't stop being negative and angry and critical. It all just sounds like a bunch of complaining, but I just want to run away sometimes. I just have nobody to talk to, and I'm tired.
When people go through such tough, stressful times, it's common to feel isolated and alone and to want to escape. It's okay to feel that way, and acknowledging it like you have is an important first step in healing and taking action to change things. Connecting with a therapist can be beneficial. So can support groups. If your community has a NAMI affiliate, that's a great starting point. You don't have to have a mental illness diagnosis to attend their groups. Other organizations might exist in your area, too, such as DBSA. Check your community center for information. Also, if you are feeling suicidal, reach out to the Suicide Prevention Lifeline, http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-8255(TALK). They can be of tremendous help, and they can point you in the direction of resources in your community. There are absolutely things you can do to feel better and live the life you want to live.
Gabe, I'm 33 years old and still single. I don't own a car or not even a house.
even no any savings.
I'm easily nowadays get tired and not confident. I can't and don't know to perform well in my work, neither in my life.
I started to feel everyone around me don't like me at all.
I always getting 100% negative thoughts in my mind. Such as will my future wife or girl friend (lover) will be good or play fool behind me. Will my future be bright.
Will I success in my life. Am I in my right path. I don't know what should I do.
I always alone. I don't have anyone to share, because everyone busy with their own life and problems. I always feel why I were born here and what is the purpose.
Do you know when I were small kid, I use to scared of dead, but now I'm waiting for it because can't stand anymore my life here in this world.
I'm like a boat without a peddle that just follow the stream where it goes and lead without knowing where it would bring me. I've been like this in my whole life.
Yes, its easy to listen and to advice but its difficult to follow because everything and time and life change everyday, every hours and every seconds. Seems like I hate everyone around me and myself.
My wonderful spouse lives with social anxiety. She trys so hard to live perfectly, be kind to others and support family. But with people being people, no one can live up to never being annoyed, tired or just sometimes down-right mean. It tears her up sooo much. We no longer can go to family get-togethers because of a family member who "is mad at her", "who glares at her" who "won't respond to peace making gestures". I end up trying to explain why these people who she sees as hating her act, but this makes things worse. Any advice on how I can help??
Hi Buddy, I'm not sure why there are not replying. My advice is, until your last breath, until your old age, your spouse will be at your side. So take care of her. If she trying her best and others are not respond or reply positively, or even worst when you try to explain, better leave it and don't get it be worst. Let time take care of it. It will. Slowly they will understand and think and accept. Try help her and make her like doing nice and positive things that can make her proud of herself and you too. Example like do a dinner or birthday celebrations, donate or dinner at orphnage or do some business or small business that can make her a little famous or etc. Make her do something that can make them proud to accept her.
Sir I'm arun 1 day a person told you have get mad that'stimes to I'm thinking I have mad why this negative thoughts avoid it please help sir tell me a solution
Arun, I'm not sure why there are not replying. If you asked me, as been told also to me, don't think what people are saying negative about us, only receive positive to get or be positive. If they say or think also, the main important think is don't us ourselves think bad about us, must have confident on us so that everyone also have to same, if we ourselves don't have, than how we can expect others to do, do positive things and make urself busy so that you won't get negatives thoughts.
Thank you for the courageous blog and the commentary that follows. It has helped me to understand more fully the emotional distress and the social challenges faced by someone I love very much.
I feel similarly to what's described above - as if everyone dislikes me on sight, people I know disrespect me, ignore me, are angry with me, are ridiculing me, want me out of their lives, etc. etc. I know this couldn't really be true in every case, or even in most cases, but it sure feels like it.
I end up feeling guilty like the writer, though. I just feel sad, hurt, angry. My coping mechanism has mainly become the avoidance of interaction with others as much as possible. Makes for a lonelier life but it really is better than how I feel when interacting with people. It's bard enough dealing with others for my job - it's a relief to be alone after work hours because I'm not dealing with the constant feelings of being disliked, disrespected, etc.
Can't recall a time in my life that I didn't feel like this, that I didn't feel people treated me like this. If there's a solution, or even better coping mechanisms than hiding from the world, I haven't found it and I've dealt with these feelings for a very long time. Since childhood.
This is how I feel
Hi there. So I just had a very rough night with my girlfriend and am now doing research to figure some things out.. What was said in this article is exactly what she explained to me tonight and how she always feels. She thinks she is crazy and is screwed up because she feels like this and doesn't know why or what it is.. I tell her the exact opposite of what she thinks but of course her state of mind tells her differently. This is also just really starting to surface with her more recently and she is blaming herself for ruining our relationship which is actually doing the opposite of ruining. She just doesn't see it... So I am just not sure what to do. I know I have to be there for her but I can't seem to figure out what I can do to help her or even find help. She's scared she'll lose people because they'll get annoyed with her. She's even scared of losing me when I tell her time and again that I'm not going anywhere.. I wouldn't change her because this is the person who I fell in love with. But it's eating away at her which breaks my heart..
My name is Miranda. I am 14 years old. Wow. Where do I begin? You know that feeling you get when you feel that everything around you is falling apart? Well, that's me too. Last year I got a very concussion and it caused me much stress and anxiety and feelings I never thought that I would feel. My concussion progressively got worse and harder to deal with. I would have these "episodes" where I would cry and cry and cry uncontrollably because I felt like I couldn't go on. A little seventh grader. Feeling the need to Durand to escape from unbearable pain. I went to all sorts of doctors, took medicine, physical therapy, counseling, and I missed a lot of school. It has been over a year and It seemed like things were back to normal. Although I still take anti-depressant medicine every single day. Until these past few weeks I feel like my whole world is coming down on me. I have several break downs a week and feel so utterly alone. I have lost most of my friends and feel so unwanted and unappreciated and forgotten. I realize that a mental illness is something that others cannot see, something that you can't always see healing like a broken arm or bruise. And I think that's why it's so hard is because no one, not even your family can see the suffering inside you or can see you falling apart or crying yourself to sleep. Ever since I was younger all I ever wanted was a group of friends who would love me for me and help me in times of need. Friends you can do stuff with and who share the same values as you. But I have never gotten that no matter how hard I try how much effort I put in. I'm still that girl sitting all alone at lunch and walking alone in the halls. Each day I pray and I pray that I may find the strength that I need to keep going and not give up, but it seems I have lost hope. This world is so wicked and hard and at times it feels that we don't have a purpose or a place where we belong. But deep down I know that we all have a plan and we are given trials for a reason. But sometimes life gets the best of me and makes me feel so unliked and unwanted. Typically I am full of joy and laughter but at the end of the day I am miserable. I am seeking for help and for answers so that I may find my place and find a sliver of hope. I know that no one will probably never see this or never read any of this but I guess that's life. Isn't it?
Hello. This post was amazing! I didn't know my condition had a label or diagnosis. I truly thought I was very much a pessimist. Even better, I'm not alone in this behavior. If their is assistance, guided therapy for 1 person, I will rest assured I can overcome this. Thanks so much
Thank you so much! I appreciate your comments and reading! :) ~Gabe
I need help
Perhaps you might consider the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ (1-800-273-8255). You can talk to someone 24/7, or you can chat online. At the very least, you could investigate the website to see if they provide the type of help you need. Help is available, and you are not alone.
I get the feeling of people hating me once in a while, especially every time my girlfriend doesn't want to come over or hang out. She says that she loves me and my friends tell me that she would never leave me but I just get this sense shes pissed at me or that she hates me. Its happened with my other friends too, I feel like everyone will just leave me. I get stressed out a lot from this, is there any techniques to help with this? I would really appreciate a response.
The best advice I can give is when you feel like that, stop and replay the conversation and events leading up to this feeling one by one in your head. When I do this, I realize that none of it had horrible deep hidden meanings and while it doesn't take away all the bad feelings, it helps me calm down a little bit.
Also, it seems like you very much need social interactions to help you feel wanted and needed. But you also need to consider that your girlfriend may have different needs and alone time might be one of them. Maybe she's a little bit introverted.
I can relate to this a lot. I'm not as driven however. My anxiety is so crippling for me. I also have selective mutism and depression as well.
I'm very quick to jump to the worst conclusions about people. I feel like I'm always being treated like I'm wrong or I shouldn't have a voice. Even trying to explain it to family I get scolded for blaming them for something they aren't doing. That I'm too sensitive and too accusing. I don't mean to be and I have told them that.
I get mad at friends on Facebook when they ignore all my other posts except the one i have an opinion on. There again i think I'm being scolded and shut down.
I hate my voice almost more than my thoughts. People don't get that. It makes them uncomfortable that I'm quiet but when I speak I normally get spoken over. So.. I become frustrated.
I have no drive to do things because I feel no one will take time to understand me. Where I try and take time to understand them.
Sorry for the long comment I just needed to try and vent.
I kind of panic when I call people and they don't answer. I think I shouldn't have called and that I'm being bothersome. I wish I could go back and not call, but at the same time, I called because I want to hear from them. When I text people and they don't text back I assume they don't want to talk to me. I struggle with low self esteem, depression, and anxiety. I feel lonely even when I shouldn't. It's really hard being away at school. Now it's to the point where when people call me back I am beginning to think they aren't doing it because they like me or want to talk to me but because they feel like they should. I feel like I shouldn't blame them for not wanting to call because why would they want to. My best friend has been super busy lately working multiple part time jobs while going to school. I feel bad because I always go to him when I'm sad or anxious and now that he is so busy I feel like a burden and when he doesn't text me back I to panic thinking that I must be a burden to him. And I know he is my friend and that I'm being irrational but I can't stop feeling that way. I don't want me freaking out to ruin our friendship and I'm super scared to lose him. I feel kind of stupid and insignificant sometimes like why should my friends care? I also feel pretty stupid and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do and I need help please. How can I fix my screwed up thinking and how can I calm down when I freak out? And how can I talk about his to my friend when he doesn't really want to talk about it and I don't want to push him away? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
yea so what? like the suggestions to solve anxiety won't help everyone, especially for depression and suicidal thoughts. But yet people tell you to call the suicide prevention line. Im not even going to bother because they probably going to talk down to you or force you on medication. Let me tell you, even if you reach out to them, their going to think your mental or have some chemical imbalance in your brain.
Im not trying to bash anyone, but its the truth. Am i experiencing anxiety or having suicidal thoughts? YES I LIVED WITH IT FOR 6 YEARS STRAIGHT, IM 19 SO ITS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE IVE LIVED WITH IT BUT I DO NOT DARE TELL ANYONE. NOT EVEN MY FAMILY KNOWS ABOUT WHAT IM GOING THROUGH, LIKE NOT KNOWING THE REAL ME, IM SMILING AND LAUGHING BUT INSIDE IM DROWNING IN MY OWN TEARS OF SORROW . ITS NOT THE TYPE OF SADNESS THAT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, ITS THE TIME WHERE EVERYTHING WENT WRONG WITH MY LIFE FROM SOCIAL TO ACADEMICS. IF I HAD A CHECKLIST OF OF THE NEGATIVE THINGS, I WOULD CHECK THEM ALL. OF COURSE I HATE MYSELF, I BLAME EVERYTHING BECAUSE SIMPLY I WAS BORN INTO THIS GOD FORSAKEN WORLD. SUICIDAL THOUGHTS DOESNT MEAN IM ACTUALLY GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE BUT I WISH AND PRAY THAT I GET KIDNAPPED AND KILLED OR HIT BY A CAR, STABBED. YOU NAME IT! BUT IM NOT STUPID AND SELFISH ENOUGH TO DO IT MYSELF.
DID YOU KNOW THAT I FEEL BURSTS OF SICKNESS WHEN I THINK ABOUT MY LIFE, MY FUTURE, MY PERSONALITY AND MY FAMILY( NOT LIKE I HATE THEM) ITS HARD TO DESCRIBE. I GET THIS OVERWHELMING SENSE OF PUKING AND THROWING UP.
IM NOT SAYING ANYMORE
For many people, dealing with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts for so much of their lives would be difficult, and doing it alone, without anyone else knowing about it, would make it all even worse. It often leads to incredible frustration and hopelessness. What you describe is a common effect of anxiety and/or depression. Of course it doesn't seem like it now, but these things can and do get better. Connecting with someone for help and support can make a huge, positive difference. It's hard to know where to start, though, especially when you're not ready to talk to friends and family. If you are interested, this link will take you to information about a wide variety of resources that might give you some ideas for reaching out and connecting with someone. Some are in-person, others are online, via text, or through the phone and are anonymous. http://www.healthyplace.com/other-info/mental-illness-overview/i-need-mental-help-where-t…. You've taken a great step already in reaching out here. Keep going!
Hey i need help i am having the same thing but worse . I lied to my class mate and now the keep on bringing it up as a joke and i cant avoid it . My anger keeps on geting up . I have been called a person to keep disturbing people .i dont know what to do . I am only a 9th grader and i need help if someone can pls try to contact me -Prateek Singh
I kind of have the same problem my anxiety really attacks me when I got to school just when I feel like people are staring at me judging me and I feel like everyone hates me...I really don't wasn't to go back to school but I have no idea how...I don't go to a therapist because I m scared that if I tell them things in my life they will go straight to my parents and tell them everything I told her/him...I don't thin anyone suspects I have anxiety and depression because I usually act bubbly so people wont worry...im just worried what should I do about feeling like this ??btw im 15 years old
You might be surprised to know that you are absolutely not the only one who feels this way. This type of social anxiety is very common in middle school and high school. Many people just tend to "fake it" -- to act bubbly and outgoing in order to hide it. Of course, that doesn't make your feelings any better, and I'm definitely not minimizing what you're going through. I just want you to know that you're not alone in this. Your concern about seeing a therapist makes sense. Perhaps you might feel better knowing that ethically, you are the client and the therapist is bound to confidentiality. Therapists, even school counselors, can't disclose things you say to your parents. Sometimes parents do have to give permission for a school counselor to see a minor. It depends on the school district policy. Parents don't have to give permission for an initial visit with a counselor, so you could stop by and talk to the counselor about what's going on, find out if he/she needs your parents' permission to talk to you, etc. Counselors get to know you personally and can work with who you are to help you identify the best strategies to manage anxiety and depression. In the meantime, work on small steps you can take to keep anxiety and panic from taking over and keeping you away from school. Can you talk to teachers and ask if you can sit in the back of the room so you don't have to feel like people are staring at you? Can you identify one or two people you feel closest to and could develop a friendship with and then concentrate on the positive aspects of that rather than on all of the other people, who aren't actually that important to you, judging you? What do you do to feel calm (if you don't have anything yet, that's a good starting place -- find what soothes you)? Find the good and do more of that. It's a process, but it is very possible to overcome anxiety, panic, and depression. Don't give up!
Thank you for this post. I have the same issues. A book that greatly helped me is "running on empty" its on amazon). It describes how childhood emotional neglect leads to such a mindset. The child is never put at ease by the parents nor soothed or guided by them. Often the parents have their own issues and no time, strenght or interest to deal with the child. This child is left to its own (wrong) thoughts which cannot be shed easily in adulthood. Yet cognitive behavioral therapy can help. Go through you childhood, be your parent, soothe youself and comfort yourself. I had a very difficult childhood with my parents divorcing when I was six, amidst heavy fighting, having to deal with different partners of my mother who was severely depressed but working full time, having four small siblings, being set to a boarding school with 13 were l was bullied... My sister broke under the situation. There's hope but you have to do the work. Buy this book, do all the exercises in there, see a therapist maybe but the main thing is the work you have to do on yourself. Its not easy, what we are facing is an endless emptiness, sadness and loneliness. Be that little light in that vast universe of sorrow.
Hi Gabe! I have read this and I relate to this very much. I am still a teenager, but when I am around my friends, I always think that they hate me. Whenever they don't talk to me whenever I say "hi" or "hey, whats up?" I always think they would rather hang out with someone else. I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach and my heart hurts and it feels like someone is pushing down on my chest. I feel like people get annoyed when i want to talk about my problems, but reading this made me feel a bit better. I guess. I don't have many friends, so I am very quiet at my school. I have a fear of talking in front of people so I have a hard time making new friends. Thank you for explaining this :)
Gabe is no longer writing for HealthyPlace so can't respond to your comment. The feeling you describe is a common experience in anxiety, especially social anxiety. You're not alone! Keep that in mind as you learn more about anxiety/social anxiety and how to overcome it. :)
I feel the same way. I always think my husband is mad at me or he is over our relationship. I am worried that I am going to drive him away with constantly asking if he is mad at me. How do I tell myself that it's all in my head and he isn't mad or going to leave?
Thank you so much for speaking out openly and honestly about this topic. I was feeling so much anxiety when I came across this article. It helped me feel better just knowing I wasn't alone and that sometimes other people experience these thoughts and feelings, too. I could especially relate to the thoughts you mentioned of fearing "everybody hates me." My ex and I got in a car accident (we're still friends), and he told me to contact his father for the insurance information I needed for the doctor (it was the other driver's fault). His dad didn't reply to my email and I felt sick to my stomach. His family had been very kind to me and had done a lot for me. I wanted to keep things on good terms. They even had me over for thanksgiving and picked me up from the hospital after the accident. But he didn't reply to my email. I apologized for bothering him in the email (but I needed the insurance information or couldn't make my other doctor's appointments). When he didn't reply I wanted to email again and apologize again for bothering him, and explain that his son told me to contact him. I felt like such a burden. I wanted to explain I didn't want their insurance to go up and it would be on the other driver. His son finally called him to ask for the info, and his dad replied his email to both of us, but addressed it only to his son and ignored me. I felt so much anxiety. That pretty much screams he hates me and I feared he thought I was trying to take advantage of them or something. I would never do that. Instead I usually do things for other people's advantage to my own disadvantage if there's an issue. I guess because I don't value myself enough or want people to know my good intentions or need to prove something to them that I'm not a bad person. I have so much anxiety that something as stupid as his dad not emailing me spun me into a downward spiral, starting to feel suicidal. I've got to get control of this but don't know how. Thank you for sharing that even as a big strong man you have these thoughts of feeling apologetic for existing. I feel like that a lot and often fear that people hate me. I thought maybe it was because I was small and weak (I'm 5'1", 98 lbs--not anorexic, just a very tiny Asian genetically--my grandma was 72 lbs and 4'10"). I was imagining these false correlations in my mind that perhaps smaller people struggle with anxiety more. A couple of the very emotionally stable, steady, confident women I know tend to have larger bone structure and tend to be thicker built, but I guess that was just anecdotal and not a real correlation.
I'm going to a therapist now, and she has me fill out thought records, where you write down the experience that triggered the anxiety, the thoughts and beliefs associated with it, and then write/explore other possibilities about what may be an explanation. For example, my ex's parents are always trying to teach him to be a gentleman. He's a good man, a little lacking in dating experience, and sometimes a bit oblivious. His dad emailed him and cc'ed me said that HE should call the insurance company. It's possible that his dad wasn't trying to be rude to me or ignore me, or wasn't being suspicious of me or annoyed or feeling burdened. It's possible he was annoyed with his son, and wanted him to take care of it. Or not annoyed but trying to teach him to man up and take care of things instead of making me or him do it. I have no idea. It still is difficult to feel like any other possibility could be true. For some reason my brain automatically takes the worst case scenario and clings to that as the most likely. But it helps to start exploring other ways of interpreting experiences, since those of us with high anxiety interpret the worst "they all hate me" as the default. I'm also super highly sensitive to other people's emotions, so as soon as I sense the slightest bit of negativity, I instantly panic and wonder what I did wrong. Sometimes it is something I've done wrong, so that sensitivity allow me to fix it. However, realistically it's probably often the case that there are many other reasons people are unhappy or upset that have nothing to do with me, and just because I can perceive and pick up on people's emotions, it doesn't make them my fault. Taking other people's emotions on me is too much of a burden, yet I've done it habitually for my entire life.
Phew! Perhaps it may seem inappropriate to rant on so long on a website to strangers, but it feels oddly wonderfully therapeutic. And I'm don't feel like I can talk about this with anyone in my personal life. This makes me think perhaps group therapy or discussions are the way to go when it comes to severe anxiety--because part of the anxiety is judging yourself for feeling anxiety, and feeling like a weirdo or a freak. But in a group you realize there's nothing wrong with you, and other people sometimes experience these things too, so you're not alone, so you can feel a little less anxiety knowing that and judging yourself less for it.
(Sigh of relief)
Thank you for creating this safe space to talk about these things. God bless you for being brave enough to be vulnerable. You're blessing me and others because you had the strength to say something.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Hi Gabe. I can't say enough how good to feels to read not just your blog but also to read the comments from everyone else. This is how I feel. I have good days and bad days. I convince myself that I am not worthy of being noticed, that people don't want to have to talk to me. Those friends I do have I always think are paying me lip service and I try not to bother them. Even after they say it's OK, I just manage to convince myself that they "have" to say that. I'm trying to overpower those thoughts by thinking of positive things and for all of us, it's a difficult learning curve. Best of luck to you all! xxx
Gabe is no longer writing for HealthyPlace so is unable to respond to comments. His post describes something that is very real to so many people living with anxiety. I'm glad you've enjoyed the post as well as the comments!
Fantastic items from you, man. I've be mindful your stuff prior to and you are simply extremely wonderful. I really like what you've acquired here, really like what you're saying and the way by which you are saying it. You're making it entertaining and you still take care of to keep it smart. I can not wait to learn far more from you. That is really a tremendous web site.