I Have Anxiety – I’m Not a Snob

November 12, 2014 Gabe Howard

There are many pitfalls to being a person living with an anxiety disorder. The mental, physical, and emotional tolls that it takes to live with this disorder is, at times, heartbreaking. Anxiety tells me everyone hates me, it panics me, and it embarrasses me. In the midst of high anxiety and/or panic attacks, it causes me to appear distant, uninterested, or even makes me appear to be ignoring someone. An ill-timed panic attack, for example, at a first meeting, can make it appear that I am a snob.

How Hidden Anxiety Appears to an Observer

Often, we forget that how anxiety feels and how it looks are very different. How hidden anxiety appears to an observer is nothing like it feels in our heads. While we are panicked, scared, with our hearts racing and trying to flee, what the people around us see is someone who is quiet and not paying attention. Someone who, at first blush, just doesn’t care.

The problem is compounded when we, during this anxiety or panic attack, realize it is our turn to contribute to the conversation. Since we have been so focused on the anxiety brewing inside us, we have no idea what is going on, so we say something that is either off topic, making us look like we had been ignoring them, or we say something unintentionally offensive.

It is Anxiety, Not Snobbery

I dream of living in a world where I can look someone in the eyes and say, “I’m sorry. It is anxiety, not snobbery,” or some version thereof. In general, honesty is the best policy, but we all have our reasons for hiding our panic and anxiety attacks. There are people we should be more honest with, such as friends and family, but at school, work, or amongst strangers, I understand the need for privacy.

When I am having an anxiety or panic attack I can seem dismissive, uninterested, or even rude. I just want people to know, I have anxiety -- I am not a snob!While we can’t control the timing of our anxiety and we certainly can’t control how people react to us, we can control our actions. We don’t have to compound the problem by answering questions with guesses or by staying in situations where we aren’t able to successfully participate.

Sometimes, we need to excuse ourselves and retreat to a private space, like a bathroom, until we calm down. We need to practice saying, "I’m sorry. I don’t feel well at the moment. Please excuse me and I’ll return in a moment.” We also need to educate people we can trust on the best way to run interference, if they are willing, to help you make an escape. My wife is excellent at clearing a safe exit and explaining that I will return in a moment and it is nothing personal.

Taking control of anxiety comes in many forms. While prevention is the best outcome, it isn’t the only way to take control. We can’t always prevent anxiety, but we can learn from past experiences for better outcomes in the future.

You can find Gabe on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, LinkedIn, and his website.

APA Reference
Howard, G. (2014, November 12). I Have Anxiety – I’m Not a Snob, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, July 23 from

Author: Gabe Howard

December, 29 2014 at 8:12 pm

Excellent article. A lot of people are not aware of this. They mistake anxiety for arrogance.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Gabe Howard
December, 29 2014 at 9:24 pm

Thank you for reading and commenting. You are quite welcome! ~Gabe

Suzanne Booth
November, 25 2014 at 2:27 pm

Thank you for sharing this. As a sufferer of treatment-resistant depression, panic disorder and generalised anxiety disorder, I *so* associate with this. I'm very lucky in that I work from home (so that part is generally covered) and I have a very understanding spouse, but people who don't suffer with anxiety/panic just don't understand (h*ll, us sufferers don't even understand WHY we're feeling the way we do!) and you feel like people are judging you if you say anything, so you keep it to yourself and just "pretend" that everything is normal.
My worst times are when I have to go out somewhere (to a party, family function, etc, etc) where I don't really want to be in the first place and I know I'm going to have to make conversation, the whole time feeling like I want to flee. I've learned a breathing technique (mentally saying “relax” on the in breath and mentally saying “accept” on the out breath) now that I can use that helps drop my anxiety level by a few "notches" and I'm at the point where I can do it while I'm sitting there and someone is talking to me and they wouldn't even know. It helps calm me down slightly and learning to ACCEPT and not trying to flee has been key to my success. I'm not saying I'm over it - not by a long shot - but at least I have a coping mechanism, and sometimes that's all you need to get you through.
Thanks again for sharing.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Gabe Howard
November, 25 2014 at 1:38 pm

It is my pleasure. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. :) ~Gabe

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