The Effects of Verbal Abuse and How They Hurt

I’m physically and verbally abused by my boyfriend on an everyday basis. Iv been with this dude for about 6 years I don’t even know how to explain it what so ever. All I know is when I read the first four comments on this page from victims every single one described my relationship perfect in there own type of ways. At first it would stress me out and get my heart racing when he would treat me so poorly in front of friends and family. It breaks my family’s heart seeing me in this situation and it breaks mine to but I feel like after the pass 6 years I have just become completely numb to it all, when he hits me sometimes I don’t even feel it and I just walk away like a boss like Ironman until later on or the next day when the injury has settled in I feel soar and at times couldn’t move without pain and agony. Sometimes I wonder if this dude is going to kill me and it does worry me I try to ignore the negative things he says about me and I know that he’s mentally not with it I know everything he says is just him trying to degrade me and I don’t let it belittle me, he try’s to get at my ego and sometimes he does but sometimes i take it in as like maybe he’s right I need to work on that thanks for pointing it out and sometimes I’m like yeah so what who cares not me, cause sometimes I don’t care how people think of me depends if what’s being told is true or not. I still think I’m awesome no matter what anyone says especially him cause I feel like I’m pretty with it and he needs some help. I’m just having a hard time getting out of the relationship, I want to go and I know I don’t deserve this crap but why am I still here? I get beat up over pointless stuff like Forgetting to grab the ketchup now he’s going to either throw something at me or he’s going punch me and throw me around. One time he threw me into every single room of the house just kicking and punching and throwing me and hitting me with whatever he could grab and I mean like think logs, he’s wipped me with an extension cord, iv gone thru a lot of physical abuse and yet I just feel numb like I’m already broken down to the point where you can’t break me down any worse unless if you kill me I don’t feel it. My feeligs are gone. My outlook at everything in life is gone. If he kills me, I’m dead. No I don’t want to die but if he kills me then all well I’m dead and no more misery. Now I just don’t understand why I’m still here. I don’t love him anymore and he has never loved me. I tell myself to leave everyday but I’m still here.

My boyfriend verbally abuses me . I tried to kill myself over the abuse so many times because it seems like he doesn't care . He says things like " I hate you " youre the reason I cheat " I'll have sex with this girl on your grave when you kill yourself " like I really don't know what to do and it hurts . I cry and get drunk or smoke . Something to ease the pain I guess but nothing works . He says things that are so mean and he cheats on me non stop and he tells me but I still continue to stay . I just pray the Lord helps me walk away

My ex-husband verbally and emotionally abused me for almost 10 years. Things I would tell him in confidence, whether it be about me, my feelings, or someone else, would be used against me later, mocked, or repeated to others. I was told how crazy and insane that I was on a daily basis, he even called a mental institute for information and told me that he was just ‘trying to help’. I was emotionally numb and depressed. I wanted to leave but he told me that he would get the kids since I was on an antidepressant…I believed him and stayed….I believed everything that he told me. Another time he lied about having cancer so I would stay. While still married I met an amazing man who lifted me up and believed in me, he basically helped me to get the help that I needed, not only for me but for my children. While our relationship wasn’t sexual, we were deeply connected and I slowly began to feel and trust again. I finally decided to end the marriage, not for another man but because my eyes were opened to the toxicity of this behavior. As a result of walking away my ex has retaliated, slandering my name to everyone including our children, their teachers, my co-workers, and mutual friends, acting as if he is the victim. We have been divorced for 3 years and it still continues to this day. I don’t want to go anywhere in fear of what people think of me, I am seeing a therapist regularly but I feel like he still has control over me and I don’t know how to break free of it.

It is helpful to read your article and I do agree that verbal abuse can cause such depression and anxiety, I am suffering with it. I hear his views and complaints and critical blaming comments and the rant can go on for hours and hours. Every time I try to say something he says to stop talking or my words are nonsense. I end up not being able to think or articulate my thoughts at all. I shake and feel disconnected. He never apologizes and i end up with heart palpitations, high bp and the feeling that I am just not what I should be. I have almost all of your symptoms listed and I just feel sick. I dont know how to be what he wants and I hear that I am not what he needs and that I have held him back in his life. He asks me to make decisions and figure out a plan for our life as he says what he wants and what I want are different. I cant even think, answer or formulate any kind of plan with the extreme pressure and insulting in put. Then on a dime he can be kind and loving and treat me well. I am confused and hurt and damaged.

I'm a male, and I think I'm being verbally abused. I've been dating this girl for 3 months and it was fine but then she slowly started wanting to change me. From the way I dress, to how I behave in front of her friends. Saying I should be more this or that. Saying I have no self esteem, no confidence, that her friends think the same or saying things like "what you are saying is stupid", or "It doesn't make sense". Also turning what I said just to make her point when I know exactly what I said. There are some topics I don't want to talk to her about because she gets on the defensive very fast and starts an argument for anything. It really sucks cause as a friend she was pretty good. But now she is very controlling and is even mad when I don't buy something, that she wants me to buy ! I'm not sure if it's really abuse, but when I started talking to a friend about it she said "It sounds like verbal abuse"... I don't know if it is me being too sensitive or too insecure as my GF keeps saying but I'm starting to think it really is.
Do you think I should tell her that what she is doing is verbal abuse ? I'd really like this to be resolved and ending with us still together. She can be a very fun woman to be around. When we are with friends she really has a different behavior.

I do not know where to turn. I am emotionally and verbally abused constantly. The verbal abuse hurts me so bad i can not stand. He talks about the way i look, my weight, that i am useless and not worthy, i am always getting accused of taking things from him, etc. My self esteem is gobe. I do not care abour the way i look at all. He will n9t take responsibility and says i caused all the problems. Whatever i say foes not matter, it is his way or no way. He will ask me to do somewhere with him and always refuse. He has not made love to me in 2 years so infeel that he does not want me any more. I am so lost and 8 do not know what to do except cry. I hide my feelings from other dam8ky nembers ir friends quite well. I feel like i am nothing, no energy, spunk , nothing. Please help me.

I do not know where to turn. I am emotionally and verbally abused constantly. The verbal abuse hurts me so bad i can not stand. He talks about the way i look, my weight, that i am useless and not worthy, i am always getting accused of taking things from him, etc. My self esteem is gone. I do not care about the way i look at all. He will not take responsibility and says i caused all the problems. Whatever i say does not matter, it is his way or no way. He will ask me to go somewhere with him and always refuse. He has not made love to me in 2 years so i feel that he does not want me any more. I am so lost and do not know what to do except cry. I hide my feelings from other family members or friends quite well. I feel like i am nothing, no energy, spunk, nothing. Please help me.

I have been verbally and emotionally abuse by my husband,nothing is do good enough for him always making me feel less of myself,the past 5yrs of marriage this what I go through.am tired and am gradually giving up.

I can really relate to this. After years of being demeaned and belittled by kids in school, teachers family members and coworks every thing is broken. Now realizing that I didn't have to deal with those things I'm trying to pick up the pieces. It's hard to figure out where to start and it's also hard to keep consistent. It's good to read that there's ways to fix and prevent this in the future.

My wife is abusive yells screams demeans me. She degrades me in social situations. The past week she blew up about something very minor was angry degrading all week. She cannot apologize and always seeks to blame me. I will apologize when I am wrong. There is no talking through issues it is her way or the highway. Can tell more it gets much much worse. I find that I am depressed, she has isolated me from my friends. I find that as a result of the abuse and related issues I suffer from ptsd. I am serious when I say that. I literally shut down when I challenge her on An issue. My mind literally goes blank. Very destructive, it has affected my job and relationships. I find that I have to isolate friends and work from her. Much much more goes on. Has been a very difficult road. Looking to resolve the relationship but I am afraid that it is over.

I need help, the father of my 4 kids is very abusive in all forms:sexually,physically,emotionally,verbally,and controlling. He stays with another woman whom he paid lobola without me knowing,he claim he want polygamy. He call me names,insult,hacking my phone accusing me of cheating.

Is it verbal abuse when the guy jumps ur butt over stupid stuff ? Even when you haven't done anything?! Calls names cuz he's in bad mood or curses you out when u don't answer your phone cuz u are somewhere ya can't answer like work or court or somewhere like that ? Reading this stuff apparently I've delt with verbal abuse most of my life. Have ptsd from childhood drama and abuse anyways so I guess I just deal with it like it's normal even when friends and family are telling me it's not ok and I deserve better.

Hi , I'm Julie and I don't even know where to start . I am verbally abused so bad that I have been broken . I am always happy , I love people , I always am told that I wish everyone was happy like me but since this 1 1/2 years of our 9 year relationship has been HELL. I'm 52 he is 54 , we have no children , furbabies , I own a hair salon for 33 years and he is an engineer . He drinks beer everyday night after work and the devil has his tongue , my heart and spirit are broke .. He calls me a Loser , stupid , fat f ing pig , I'm 120 pds btw, and he says he has to think of someone else to release when we make love because I'm so disgusting and says things I wouldn't say to a rat in the sewer .. I hate him I hate what he has done to me I hate that I'm in this , I wasn't raised like trash , he is a nasty soul then quotes God always shields him , just a hypocrite . I'm leaving , I want to be closer to my salon and get an apt , he will help me , I moved her from Stephenville TX to be with him , my Hairsalon of 30 years , 800 clients but it was talked about for 4 years of of relationship , but we both were so excited and I was ready to move up here to Allen, TX to be with him and this I would have NEVER seen coming , this past year has been a nightmare , I'm in a dark place but I didn't ask for this , I don't deserve it , I can't afford a lot so he will help me get in my feet , I'm done . My heart is broken and numb so now it's time to get a cute apt and live my life , I'm ready ., my business is great and now I won't have to walk on eggshells when I come home from work every night . Going to start back working out , boot camps and going places and love me ., I don't know who ever said Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me , but that's wrong , words hurt like a knife going in deeper and deeper , you eventually forgive but I will never forget ., I have recorded him so many times and I will keep those but hearing them omg it's the devil , . I love all of you gong thru this and we can do it , get away, they are the ones who are unhappy with themselves , he was my soulmate but now he is nothing to me . It also changed so fast . It's sad but I'm going to live what life God has for me in a happy environment and that's alone and maybe someday I will be ready for someone to enter my life but for now , I'm excited for my new journey . God Bless each and everyone of us . We are team , we can do this ..

i have a lot of these problems with my parents, and ive known about it for a while. the 'living in the future' symptom hit me hard. i never knew that was a symptom? it kinda hurts. it feels too far away. im 16 i cant leave for two years at least and im severely depressed, anxious, etc.

Only I struggle with forgiving my abuser and I'm bitter from it. I'm not the same person I was two years ago.

You are right on with the abuse comments. I went through a similar situation with a LMHC. I ended up being put on more meds and I couldn't figure out why I was regressing. I suffer PTSD now.

This sounds like my life.

All these men have no respect for women, never will no matter what they say. Mine pretends to be this great guy who loves women because he loved his mother. His father beat him and his sister and brother and his mother was helpless to do a thing about it. This was back in the 50's when women basically had no recourse at all. I truly believe that because of the fact that his mother couldn't help the kids , in his subconscious mind all women are useless and when he gets mad he becomes abusive toward me and to some extent other women. If you look at the past of most abusive men, there is neglect or abuse of some kind whether it's verbal or physical. Look at their family history. When I hear women say they still love this man I fine it hard to believe. I'm with my abusive husband for reasons, but I don't think love is one of them. That was destroyed many years ago. Now it's a kind of "I feel stuck, so I guess I have to do what I have to do to live a semi normal life, even if it's only for a day here and there". When he's normal I enjoy those times, but I always know they won't last. Forget the idea that it will get better, it won't no matter what you do. Ever! You could win a million dollars in the
lottery and it wouldn't be good enough. Nothing, I mean
nothing will ever be good enough because their past can't be fixed. Whatever went wrong in their youth is there forever with them. They're not like normal people who can overcome it and move on and realize they don't want to be like that. They're always fighting that person who treated them bad and you happen to be that person who gets to relive the horror over and over again. You are the perpetual punching bag. They never won the fight with their abuser, and in turn they're going to make sure you never win the fight against them. it's like ground hog day living with an abuser. It happens over and over again. You can count on it sure as the sun will come up. Don't feel you have to say you love them, it's not necessary. They are not lovable. They are monsters. I feel pity at times because they can't ever enjoy life, but love, hell no, because he doesn't really love you. We're just the whipping boy for all his petty grievances, even the ones that are so small that you have to laugh because they're so stupid. You're there to facilitate what they think they need. It's not love, believe me. You're the puppet and he pulls the strings. I read stories about couples who have normal give and take and support and I feel so sad because I can't have it with the psycho I live with. I envy friends who live what I see as normal lives where people get together and do things but I can't because I know at some point my psycho will ruin it, so I just stay away and do things by myself. It's all about self preservation. I'm just too weak and too much of a coward to walk away. Anyone seeing my psycho in action would think i have lost my mind sticking around. There's just barely enough good to keep me here, plus the thought of trying to start over at 55 with little family and no job is overwhelming. None of us should ever feel for 1 millisecond that any of this is our fault. We are whole, they are not and most likely never will be.

I am looking for some advice or reassurance that the way I feel is not all in my head. I am pretty sure that my common law husband of 15 years is verbally and mentally abusing me. I love him and when it is good its really good and I think I cling to the good memories to get through all the bad. He makes me feel like I over react and that I am overly sensitive, so I want to get an objective opinion.
My abuse happens everyday but my husband will dress up his insults as "Jokes". If I don't give him what he wants (in bed) he will say " Well I guess I have to go out and find myself someone who will". He taunts me with female friends and women we both know saying stuff like "I wonder how so and so would be like in bed, I bet she isn't broken down all the time like you" or "I have to go find me a spare for when you're broken down". He will check out women in front on me and he lets me know hes doing it by pointing out the woman and saying "Look at the a$$ and boobs on that one not saggy and old like yours" (I am 32 by the way). I thought that if I just ignored it and didn't show him it bothers me then maybe he would get bored and stop, well 15 years later and he still does it every time we go out to see if he can get a rise out of me. Its embarrassing because he doesn't hide it he doesn't whisper and half the time these poor women see or hear him and give me this poor you face. When I do get mad about it he flips it on me and makes it about me and how I have trust issues.
He blames me for everything that has ever gone wrong in his life. If he lost his keys its because I moved them. If he has a bad stomach its because of my food, if the kids act out its because I sick as a parent.
He treats me like a slave or his mother because he can't do anything for himself. I have to make his meals for him and literally serve them to him. If I forget something or over look it I get called out for it. If I don't get the food for him he will either not eat or pout and get mad like a child. If I ask for help with something he totally ignores me until I get fed up and just do it myself yet gets mad at me and yells at me when I over do it and hurt myself. I have arthritis in my spine and when I do over do it (which is often) he doesn't help out with house work or meals instead he will have our 11 year old daughter and 6 year old son pick up the slack for him and help me to the stove to make the meals.
Everything I like is stupid. The music, movies, tv shows, sports, any views or opinions I have on any given topic is stupid and not worth listening to. If I am discussing something with him and ask him what I said he will say " I don't know I tuned you out because most of the stuff you talk about is useless, meaningless information that does not have anything to do with anything important so its not worth my time and effort to listen to you".
I am terrified to drive when he is in the car with me (which is all the time because he has a suspended license and I am now his personal chauffeur). If I don't drive the way he wants me to he will relentlessly and brutally yell, insult and call me every word in the book and reduce me to tears while I am driving to the point where I have to pull over to compose myself. He has done this in front of the kids and my parents.
When I confront him about his behavior he says "That's fine I will buy you and the kids a ticket and send you home to your parents, if you don't like it there's the door". He knows by telling me this it will shut me up because I have no where to go I don't have a job or make my own money, I am a stay at home mom with no family close by. I am totally depended on him. I am depressed, physically and mentally exhaust. I am walking on egg shells all the time wondering if I joke with him is he going to pitch a fit and get mad at me, if the house isn't perfect will I get yelled at. He has never laid a finger on me physically, what do I do? I am sick all the time and honestly I think its because of all this, maybe all this stress is being manifested into physical pain and ailments, is that even possible? Please any advice is welcomed.

What's hard for me is that he gets in a rage, and in addition to the expletives, says he wants a divorce because he can't take it any more. That hurts but then the next day we are silent and the day after we "come around" - usually me going to him.
It's hard cause I buy into something about me. Says I'm living in a fantasy because I can't accept his being "annoyed" as "human." I buy into his assessment that I'm too sensitive. Gets angry if I disagree and explain I get annoyed by how I feel he dismisses me when he won't discuss with me what to do about something he said he would take care of. Tells me to Google it - he can't be bothered. to me feels like being dissed.
If it's "human to get annoyed" then I'm not sure why my getting annoyed is worse than his, so much so that his rage feels justified. Feels like projecting because he says I never see my part then goes ballistic. Seems he's pretty darn sensitive himself to get that out of control.
I realize now I have bought into this "too sensitive" thing from my early childhood. My dad told me my mom was too sensitive and emotional and he didn't love her anymore. My whole family has always said that. So am I? I simply start believing that, and think maybe I am.
Bottom line, i just want a less grumbling partner and one who follows through and doesn't feel like I'm imposing on him when I ask a question he can't answer about some household thing. I want collaboration and a supportive interest in my needs.
rage is destructive. He will say I'm
Sorry" a day or two later but doesn't say what for, last time he just said "I'm sorry I'm so unhappy."
At face value when he's enraged he doesn't want me - hates me, calls me awful things, later says he's sorry (in a day or two). But then we both settle in and act if nothing happened. We kiss and hang out. Maddening.
But it now sits under my skin and I cannot ignore it.
He's promised to see a therapist and sees someone once or twice, but doesn't feel they are good, but doesn't invest in finding someone better.
I know I can't control him. I know I can only work on myself. But as long as there is a slight chance "if only I'd get better" or "make a change myself", that it could tilt things such that he wouldn't rage, I stay in it.
What the h is wrong with me - either truly that I am "in a fantasy" sick and messed up - or that I myself cannot find the courage to leave - either way I feel helpless. Bad feeling. Stuck and anxious.

I have been married to a verbally abusive man for 33 years. He is the quintessential abuser. Started out the most charming and exciting man I had ever known. If only I had known the signs back then. Coming from a chaotic home, I guess it didn't really strike me as being so odd at the time and I was 22. What did I know? The first time he called me a fucking bitch was over my not wanting to taste some brownies that he had made. Brownies that I had started to make, but that he took over because "he knew how to make them better". Isn't that typical? He always thinks he knows everything when in reality, because of his skewed perception of everything, he really knows nothing. He lives in that mentally I'll world of "everyone is out to get me". Nothing makes him angrier than if he feels he's been disrespected. Yet he can be walking out the back door as he's yelling at the top of his lungs for me to get fucked, knowing I won't follow him because I'm so ashamed knowing the neighbors hear every word. The latest episode was this afternoon over a rug. He was going to put another throw rug in our living room and I told him I didn't want another rug. Full on explosion. Name calling again as he goes out the door. And then the threats. All over a stinking rug!!!! Now he's employed the silent treatment which is by me. He thinks I'm unhappy about that. Ha! I love it. I'm in the process of detaching myself from him. I've taken up some hobbies and volunteer at a pet adoption on the weekend so I don't have to be with him as much as i used to. He retired about a year and and a half ago and he's gotten worse. He's the ultimate control freak about everything. He's taken to cleaning and doing all the yard work which we used to share. I used to enjoy gardening but don't anymore because all i get is criticism on how I'm doing things. I don't enjoy much because of him, other my solo activities. I don't like going anywhere with him either because he's always rude to people. He has to let them know who is boss. It's all so sad. I really can't stand him anymore. Wish i had the guts to really leave. I'm working on myself though. Trying to get strong and be with positive happy people. All young girls should be made aware of these monsters before they get caught like so many of us have been. If only I had known.

So glad to find this site. I left my 5 year marriage at the start of this year. Well she actually pushed to leave after detaching for the last 6 months. I remember many night crying in my heart why she cant connect to me. Being afraid to approach her for sexual relations because I don't know if she is going to be offended or just angry. I have a long ways to go to get my identity back but I am on the road. Thank you all

I am at the very beginning of the seemingly long journey of leaving my abusive husband. It is overwhelming. I need help!

I have dealt with this in the past, for many years. One thing I have come to realise is that it is not only the abuse that hurts and harms you, your soul and your life, but it is the LACK of LOVE that also so damaging. It is difficult to Live in such a dark and unfriendly environment and this is what so many people on the outside, fail to understand, I think. You had been loving, kind and caring, but when that is met with narcissistic cruelty, it can have the most damaging effect on who you are, your identity, can feel like it is slowly being eroded away. I am still trying to heal myself and my life today, it has been a long slow process. I try to stay positive and remind myself to Focus on Love. It is so important to have Fun, (allow yourself to have fun.) each day, if you can. I think We need to have some fun to help bring back some balance into our lives. I am still trying, though not always successfully, (often I find myself struggling with life),but I am trying. My personal progress has been affected by having to deal with other abusive people, who are close family members, also( I try to limit time around them, where possible but I have found it difficult because of my living situation,presently.) I am still on the road to recovery and hope to get to a happier place soon.

I just wanted to thank you for all the information and insight. I was in a verbally and physically abusive relationship for what seemed like a lifetime. I just didn't know what to call it, and that it wasn't my fault. You get so into the cycle that it becomes normal after a while. I left and came back so many times.It's so very refreshing to know that I'm not crazy and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I just am across this blog and most of the things I have read seem to be where I am at now, I have been with my fiancé for five years and the beginning of our relationship was great, he was respectful, thoughtful, charming and protective. About 2 1/2 years ago he started to criticize and yell at me for every little thing, from backing out of the drive way the wrong way to not saying good morning in the right way. I started to freeze up with anxiety and felt like I did something wrong or I would cry and or sometimes yell back. After I would get the "Im sorry baby, I love you, I was just angry" text messages and then he would act like nothing happen. This became my normal weekly situation. I had a talk with him about how it is not ok to speak to me that way at all and it got better for a couple months then slowly came back. He does drink everyday and he can be a monster when hes drunk. This morning we were driving to work and he thought I did something (which I still have no clue what he thinks I did, something to do with the bedroom light?) but he slammed every door on the way out, got in the car and continued to slam the glove box and threw my purse across the back, and yelled called me names, "shut up and F**king drive dumbass." Now Im not stupid, I know I deserve better, I know its not me and my fault for his behavior, but I think im at the point where I have lost myself and I do love him but I just don't know what to do or how to go about it.

After 15 years together, I am a shell of myself. I doubt myself constantly and feel anxious about so much. My children are getting older and I can no longer deny the unhealthy life we are living. My husband appears perfect to the outside world...so I fool myself that he's not that bad. After all, when I snap and tell him I can't live like this anymore, he becomes perfect to us. He's humble, regretful, loving, funny...everything I know he can be. Problem is, when I agree to give him another chance, things begin to change. It becomes a slow decline into hell. This past Christmas Eve, he had another abusive explosion. It was directed toward me but the kids heard everything and my son felt responsible. It was when I was comforting my crying children, telling them it was no big deal..let's be happy! It's Christmas! I felt like I was out of my own body. Denying and pretending is a way of life but something about it being Christmas helped me have a moment of clarity. It looked happy in the morning, presents and a beautiful tree. But we all knew. I watched my 13 and 10 year old acting like they had forgotten the ugly night before. I'm not particularly religious, but I know God was with us. To abuse us on Christmas Eve seemed like the signal I needed to end my denial. I need to end this unhealthy way of life so at least my kids might have a fighting chance.

I have been married for 25 years. I was under the impression everyone dealt with being shoved or bruised at one time or another with their husband. After a few very embarrassing moments of him talking about me at a party that I literally left discreetly and talking behind my back to the people that I work with, the pieces started to come together. It took me years to figure this all out. Now I understand why I have no respect from my son. Then once I decided to let him know I am considering divorce thats when his true colors came out. I had no idea what was happening to me. He blocked me, threw my car keys at me, followed me around the house, scaring me, and yelling at me as if he was in horror movie, and all this behind closed doors, but yet go to a party, and guess who is the life of the party and they all adore! They all want to know what is wrong with me? Now he allows my son to join-in to hear the differences between him & I then allowed my son to yell at me and demean me too. I had no idea what was happenig. I finally started to do some research. Thank goodness for sisters, friends, and books "Why is he So Mean?" "Inside the Minds of Angry & Controlling Men", and definitely the lifesaver is also this website Healthyplace.com helped me keep my sanity. After all that, and much counseling to find out its not me, I still sit there. He wonders why I will not sit down and talk to him. Now I understand why. I want basically nothing to do with him. He has me terrified to talk to him for fear he will continue to blame me, yell at me and put me down. I will never confide him. I was confused as to why I would no longer talk to him, but now I understand. He has done this to me. Everytime I would try to explain the issue of how he is always demeaning me, or when he shoved me to bruises, he tells me he does not remember. He's textbook definition. I need to gain courage and realize he is an abuser. The person that I always adored, does not like me as much as I liked him. In all the mild arguement we had I always told him you do not Like me! I am afraid of you. He would tell me I was nuts. The puzzle took a very long time, but its starting to make sense. Now I just need to put that missing puzzle piece thats missing in my head to move on in my life, and realize he has made no attempt to change. Not in one million years did I ever think this was going to be the result. So very sad, more than anything. No one would ever think that of him. Thank you.

I left my abuser last August after 10 years of verbal and what had escalated to physical abuse. I no longer knew myself, no longer recognized myself....a shell of the person I used to be. I stumbled across this site, a blog about the emptiness and hollow feelings that are a part of this terrible cycle. It's been months, its been a rough road but I am starting to feel parts of the "me" I used to know starting to emerge. Don't give up.....