Know Who You Are to Stop Anxiety and Start Living

Do you know who you are? How's your sense of self, of how you'd like to live your life? Knowing who you are at your core can help stop anxiety so you can start living. This happens through a process of self-discovery. Think of it as an adventure into your inner workings that starts with the question: Who will you be when your anxiety is gone? At first, it might be hard to even imagine the answer. To begin to know who you are, stop anxiety, and start living, learn to simply observe yourself. 

It's not uncommon for people to spend their whole lives waiting to start living. -- Echkart Tolle 

It's sad but often true: anxiety paralyzes people, effectively shutting them down and preventing them from living fully and well. Sometimes, anxiety leads to isolation, and in extreme cases, agoraphobia or avoidant personality disorder. Other times, people are able to venture out into the world but anxiety clouds their experiences. Either way, your ability to know who you are fades and you end up waiting for anxiety to disappear before you start living.

It's almost impossible to start living when you don't know who you are beyond your anxiety. The good news is that understanding yourself is a skill that develops with persistent practice. The following ideas can help you start to stop anxiety. 

To Stop Anxiety and Start Living, Know Who You Aren't

Before you embark on your journey of self-discovery, it's important to know that you are not your anxiety. Anxiety is a reaction--worry, fear, obsessions, thoughts, panic, pains, and illness--that occurs in your brain and any system of your body. Physical parts of you process and assemble the thing we call anxiety, but the essential you--your mind, hopes, dreams, interests, strengths, roles, passions, purpose, and other such unique traits--is not anxiety. Anxiety doesn't reside in those pieces of you the way it does in the brain, muscles, and gut. 

Separating your identity from your experience with anxiety is an important first step toward knowing who you are. When you feel anxious or find yourself reacting to anxiety rather than doing what you'd rather be doing, stop and gently remind yourself that you are experiencing anxiety in the moment, but you are not that anxiety. A therapeutic approach known as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) calls this defusion. By reminding yourself that you're not your anxiety, you are de-fusing (coming un-fused or unglued) from it. 

The more you do this, the more you'll be able to stop anxiety. Adding to the act of defusion will make this journey even more effective. Like the defusion exercise, it's simple yet powerful. 

Simply Observe to Know Who You Are

If you're not your anxiety, then who, exactly, are you? Just observe yourself non-judgmentally. Without evaluating, begin to describe what you notice about yourself. Keep a journal or use note cards to record your observations so you can begin to look for patterns and themes. 

Use the distant observer exercise to help the process.

• In your imagination, position yourself somewhere to observe yourself as you go about your day. Maybe you're sitting on a tree branch or in a hot air balloon looking down, or you're in a theater watching yourself on stage or in a movie. 
• From this distant perspective, notice your actions, thoughts, feelings--notice yourself living your life.
• What do you like about what you observe? What would you like to change? (Don't evaluate as "good" or "bad," simply note.)
• How do you react to anxiety? What would you change?
• Notice what makes you feel alive, with less anxiety? 

The more you observe, the better you'll get to know yourself. And with self-understanding comes confidence and insight into what you want in your anxiety-free life. Then, you can stop waiting for anxiety to be gone and start living your life on your terms. Anxiety will shrivel as you live.