Forgiving Yourself for Embarrassing Drunken Behavior

Hello Mary,
I just realized I only commented on your reply and didn’t send a reply. My post was made May 29, if that could be deleted that’d be great. Thank you so much for creating a platform where everyone could express themselves and feel validated.
Thank you,
Maci

Hello,
I would like to delete the comment I published on here. I want to forget about the situation once in for all
Thank

I don't even know where to start... I started getting blackout drunk since 2014 and it got pretty bad I would wake up scared and confused to what happened the say before..it cause problems in my relationships, with my partners and friends. I feel like my friends take it less hard because they know how I am but for strangers looking at me its definitely like wtf is wrong with this girl (in my.opinion), its weird because I will be completely fine and the alcohol just hits me out of nowhere, I used to think it was the cigarettes combined with the alcohol but sometimes I don't even smoke, so idk what it is... I quit drinking about 3 years ago, I only drank for birthdays or would have a 1-2 drinks for a celebration but I avoided alcohol heavily and started to focus on myself as blacking out really plays a toll on my mental health and its super embarrassing to find out the things you've done when you were blacked out. I've been told it seems like I got possessed with another person because I don't act like myself I start wobbling and falling everywhere. Nothing I say makes any sense. I went out the other day with my partner to a house warming and I was casually drinking trying to warm up (as I don't know these people and I have social anxiety) I was sipping on coolers because I didnt want to get super smashed and I ate a shit ton of food before I got there as well...the shots started to come around and I kept saying no and then ended up giving in to them...but made them pour really tiny shots...I ended up blacking out and find out that I probably fell to the ground 6-7 times probably made a fool of myself and I'm really embarrassed as these are my bf's really close friends so what they think of me definitely matters to me...idk what to do now I'm embarrassed to see them/talk to them....I'm sad that I put my bf in that situation...I've told him when we got together that I'm a really bad drunk and That's why I don't really drink but I don't think he took it seriously when I told him...I'm feeling really shitty about this whole situation...he said he's not mad but I'm sure he is as I just made a fool out of myself in front of his friends that are just meeting me..

i’m embarrassed. and need to get this out. last night i went out for a celebration and got a jumbo marg at dinner. i was completely fine when we left and started to feel it while someone drove us to the second location. my friend ordered a drink at the second location and i had some. then suddenly i wasn’t fine. i don’t remember paying, getting in the car, being driven home, or getting back in to my apartment. and i hate that so much. then the worst thing happened. i wet the bed. thankfully i live alone and not a soul knows this about me. i plan on taking it to the grave. i’m so embarrassed and no one even knows but i’m my worst critic. last night has me thinking of giving up alcohol. i don’t drink often and i’ve only ever been drunk maybe six times bc i have a fear of losing control (hence why i’m so SO ashamed of this incident). i haven’t cried about it but i feel like i need to. blacking out from drinking is the scariest thing for me and i don’t know what to do.

Hey y’all I’m on here this afternoon to share my story because I made a mistake about a year and a half ago that messes my mood up every time I think about it. It was my freshman year of college and I met this guy, I started liking him quick since we started hanging out and about 2 months down the road I asked if he had any alcohol cause he was of age so I knew he had something. He let me come over and get some Hennessy he had and it was one of those flask like bottles. He told me I could stay for a little bit but not over night cause he had work early in the morning. Well I thought to myself why not get too drunk so I don’t have to leave... lol. Mind y’all I’ve never been a drinker and I’ve never been drunk drunk before. I ended up drinking the whole flask in about 45 minutes to an hour and even before I did that he asked me if I’d wanna stop and save the rest for another night and I said no so he just let me do what I want. Long story short I came up to him wanting to kiss him and stuff and everything was fine until my head eventually fell over (as he told me) and he knew I was too drunk to do anything so he stopped out of respect. The alcohol started to hit me hard and I eventually couldn’t walk (could barely even get on my hands and knees). I told him I needed to use the bathroom but mind you he stayed in a dorm still and the bathroom was outside his room so he said he wouldn’t let me go till I could show him I could walk by myself cause he didn’t want someone to see me in that state. I really had to go and he didn’t wanna help me so I said “fine then I’m just gonna piss myself” and so I did on his floor.... and eventually fell to the floor (I felt paralyzed), started throwing up, and then began shaking cause I started to feel so cold. I felt so scared and I remember telling him that. I literally couldn’t control myself at that point and he had me crawl over to him so he could clean the throw up out of my hair for me. He changed me into some night clothes and put me into bed (he had an extra bed in his room cause it was for 2 people but it was an old dorm so everyone go their own room). When I woke up I didn’t remember much of what had happened and he gave me a cup of water and some bread before he left for work. I asked him what happened last night and he said he’d just tell me later (cause it was embarrassing obviously) but I insisted on in telling me and he told me what happened but then he also told me I asked him if he was going to rape me... I don’t remember saying that at all but I felt like the worst person ever cause I’d been messing around with him prior to this and I’ve never thought about him in that way. But I guess since I felt paralyzed and being raped is one of my biggest fears that’s why I said it to him. I kept saying sorry to him and he said it’s okay but I knew it wasn’t. He just told me to stop saying sorry cause it’s not gonna change anything (not in a mean way) and that he wasn’t mad. I’m thankful that out of all people it happened in front of him cause he’s a genuine guy but since then every time I see him in person or on social media I feel nervous, embarrassed, and stupid. I see what I did that night when I look at him. He’d usually has to say hi to me first cause I feel like I shouldn’t even say hi. I hung out with him like 1 or 2 more times after all that happened so he def forgave me but I still feel so bad knowing I did that in front of him cause he was actually a good dude and I tend to put people on a pedestal. I can’t say I feel fully better about it even a year and a half later and even now that he has graduated (So I don’t have to see him all the time) I feel bad and this whole thing has stopped me from wanting to let another guy in cause I’m afraid of doing something stupid again. Idk how to forgive myself.

I asked a guy to hangout I used to work with and ended up hanging out and having some drinks. Didn’t eat anything that day and got completely wasted and don’t remember anything after. My girlfriend had come to see me and saw I was wasted this day with her boyfriend and his co worker. I fell on my butt in front of all of them and then did more embarrassing things throughout the night I don’t remember. Don’t even know how to recover from this. At all. Been two days and I still can’t stop thinking about it and the stupid decisions I made.

Reading all these stories makes me feel so much less alone. I have had issues with over drinking since early teen years. I've been good recently since I know better than to go out but the other night I was so excited and of course over did it. It was with some coworkers and their friends. First we went to a bar and I had 3 beers and that was fine, however upon leaving my old supervisor asked me if I wanted to hang out with him and his friend afterwards. I have brief snippets of the night but I know we were sitting in his friends apartment drinking whiskey and I was talking passionately about whatever the subject was. I have anxiety and I always assume I was messy and incoherent and exposed too many personal experiences of mine but am too anxious to ask. I have felt many times like this in my life and work really hard to tell myself that in one month or two or three it won't matter but I find a few days after a drunken embarrassing night I actually speak "I hate myself" aloud. It's such a sick cycle because I know that drinking puts myself into these situations but I still tell myself I enjoy drinking.

I’m so glad I came across this today. I have been beating myself up all day on a stupid drunk night yesterday. Went out With some friends at a brewery. All I remember is drinking beer then everything went black..... I don’t remember ANYTHING! But my “friend” made sure to text me this morning and remind me of every foolish and embarrassing thing I did. I feel so ashamed and can’t. Sleep. Just keep replaying it all in my head and just so ashamed of my actions.

Ugh my neighbors had a get together and I mixed liquor, I don’t think I did anything too embarrassing, probably just talked way too much. I’m in a long distance relationship so of course as soon as I get back inside my apartment the first thing I do is call my boyfriend. I’m not sure what dumb ass thing I may have said while drunk but it triggered him into hanging up on me and ignoring every call I made to him after. Now I feel like crap because I’m not sure what I may have said to make him so upset but I do remember him saying “this is why I can’t be in a relationship”. I hope he can forgive me and I def will not be drinking again especially if it makes him this upset with me.

Ive struggled with alcohol for most of my life. There were times when I thought I had it under control, and times where I literally just wouldnt stop myself. Im currently sitting in bed with the shakes, my head foggy from last night.
Drunk me is a crier. All she does is cry. Ive had a long battle with my depression and self esteem. Sometimes i win, sometimes I lose. But drunk me ALWAYS loses.
I plowed through 2 bottles of wine and half a bottle of Malibu last night. I ended up curled up on the floor, sobbing and desperately praying to Allah, Vishnu, and a whole array of Gods that I dont even believe in. I talked about dying, and scared the crap out of my boyfriend. I wasnt blackout drunk, but I was definitely not in control of myself. I rambled on about how he deserved more than to be with someone as lost as I am in life.
I recently miscarried, and after a year of being sober Ive crashed hard into drunken spirals again. All of my drunken endeavors over the last month have ended in tears, ranging anywhere from softly crying to complete hysterics.
I feel so embarassed. I know better than to handle my emotions this way. I hope he can forgive me, the conversations ive been initating while drunk are 10/10 not drunk conversations. Im struggling to cope with everything in my life, and I just feel like I'm blowing it with this guy. No one should have to carry the things that I put upon people after ive had a few drinks.

Blacking out is very much a thing, for me now. Over the past 18-24months, 75% of my nights out have ended up with me having to have a carer, either to make sure I get home ok, to stop me from doing something stupid/regretful or hurting myself or someone else.
I’m actually a person who doesn’t need alcohol and when I decide to drive, don’t miss it, but when I’m out, I’m out out and I go hell for leather.
I used to be able to realise when I was getting to the point of too pissed, then I slow down or stop. That filter seems to have gone. I go from, ok to absolutely destroyed with no warning for me or anyone I’m with.
I’ve been described as being completely vacant, losing body ability, being nasty, being pushy with people and a being completely obnoxious.
After a night out, recently. I had repeated this pattern. Fine - screwed, no warning, no clue. Now, lucky for me I can’t actually remember what happened, what I did, but others can..... it was a work party, too.
I’m very lucky in that I have a small amount of friends that I can rely on, one of them was with me and she took me out of the situation, had stern words and took me to my door. I doubt there’s many people would do this when their night out had just been shat on.
After giving her a couple of days to cool off, I approached her and apologised for spoiling her night, she give me both barrels and told me everything, telling me I needed to hear it because I needed a shock.
I wasdevastated!! Gutted!! Embarrassed!! Horrified.
I was too much.
I was told that she had considered ending our friendship, that she loves everyday me but actually hates drunk me. She has said that she won’t go out with me again but we can get past it. I’m grateful for this but she also told me she’s concerned about my drinking because she can see it’s a problem. I agreed, there’s no way I could disagree. I’ve known for a while, I’ve somehow managed to keep this from my boyfriend, I think due to the fact this happens more often when I’m out with friends.
I had a drink in the house a few weeks back, (This is common, throughout the week too), I was being snappy and my boyfriend told me that my aggression is getting worse.
I often get comments like, “oh, had a drink have we??!” And there’s an ongoing joke at work about whose turn it is to look after me.
I am now anxious about how to get out of drinking, this most recent night out, my plan was to drive - I got talked into it because, it’s Christmas, you deserve a drink.
I think sobriety is the only option I have, other wise I’m going to lose friends. I’m not sure I have the respect I had, at work. This all because once I start I can’t stop.

Um hello this may not be too embarrassing but it feels like it Is because it's my first time blacking out from drinking and I did something I wish could be forgotten and not happen. I was talking on the phone loud about something sexual and I think people heard me. I threw up four times. Twice in the bar, once outside and once in the uber driver's car. I'm really antisocial so for that to happen makes me not wanna really go back to the bar or even go outside because even my anxiety is making me think that I got filmed outside and that would just honestly humiliate me so bad....idk what to do honestly.

We had a 4 day break away in Ireland my mum who has alzheimers and two sisters. I get on well with older one but not middle one. This trip was really difficult for me and hard. But on the last night we all went out with cousins and family I ended up getting drunk and humiliated my middle sister in front of the family. I was awful and said horrible things. Which I can't remember because I was so drunk.
My other older sister isn't talking to me. And the one I had ago at wished me dead and said I am not her sister.
I have sent message of an apology but nothing. I told her I am sorry and I hate myself for spoiling the break away. Still no response.
What shall I do?

First off, thanks everyone for sharing! I too have had experiences I cannot explain when I am on alcohol. I went years wothout drinking like 4, only drinking like 3 times... Then I got with a man, and we would drink together... Things got so horrible it ended in divorce, he was a violent guy. So I got out of that relationship started to rebuild my life, ran into my love from when I was 19. We hit if off immediately. He was coming out of a bad relationship so, needless to say we started turning some of that bad previous behavior on eachother... We were drinking. Heavily, which caused me to make an ass of myself quite a few times, him too. I get so angry at him at times, between the alcohol and all the situations, the lying and the leaving, I have felt so alone. We make up and love eachother unconditionally, but there are times when I wonder if I would make better decisions alone.
There was a time in particular I cant get over, we went out with friends for a birthday, me and my man had to have that extra bottle of liquor, after that went to the local bar, had to pee so bad I went past the door lady, and went to pee when I came out they told me I needed to leave so I cussed them out, told the owner to suck my d**k... I dont even have a d**k.. I dont know why, it was so rude, this was a year ago. I went back a couple times, the bar maid said I needed to apologize to the owner, but she wouldnt let me in... I told her ok said her name, and told her I wouldn't be back to her establishment... Today I went in during the day, appologized to the owner, explaining I know it had been a year and I had a problem with drinking to much and I was very disrespectful and I wanted to apologize. He said you had acted similar to that a time or two before that incident and the situation with me coming in there was not going to change, I said I understand, I just wanted to right my wrong, then I left. I wish he could have forgiven me, leaving it like that does hurt a little, I have been going in there since I was a girl with my family, and also where I found my love. But I did what I could do to try to make it right. Now I have to try to make my life right, stay away from the alcohol, find the joy again, and see where my life is taking me. Alcohol has always been a problem for me, drinking too much its time for it to be a lesson and not a life sentence.

Hi, let me share my story too . I went to drink with my friends ( not reallyclose) to a bar . After awhile, I was totally drunk and my friends were telling me that I was away from them for nearly 10 mins and they are were saying tht I was lying down on the stairs and etc . I cannot believe that they let me go and have a walk after I was drunk . Guess what? When I was back home, my panty was missing. I’m really embarrassed. I really don’t know what happened. Can someone please advise me and make me feel better ? I am afraid that someone would have taken pics or videos of me

I would like to share something that I can’t get off my mind.
I went to my neighbors BBQ party on a Saturday evening, I was the youngest there,most of the people there were much older.I was drinking beers,chatting with people,everything was going great until a girl asked me if I wanted some gin( I agreed). I don’t exactly remember how much gin I had but it was enough for me to run to the toilet and throw up in the sink. I tried unclogging it but it was stuck.Because of my recklessness and drunken state I didn’t know what to do so I just left it. I normally don’t drink anymore because of my mental health but I made an exception there to be more chatty. I suffer from depression and anxiety so it’s impossible for me to feel comfortable around people.Long story short. I feel awfully guilty about what I’ve done. I’m really ashamed of my actions and I’m really sorry. I have locked myself in my room laying in a bed full of guilt and sorrow unable to cope with the outside world. I feel like it’s eating me from inside.I really hope you will read my apology,I’m sorry I couldn’t do it in person but believe me,writing it here feels like it(and also it’s impossible for me to tell you that in person). I hope you understand :(

I usually have anxiety after drinking heavily. Mostly it’s because I was loud or told someone something too personal and embarrassing about myself. However, there have been times when I would have rather broken my own knee caps than deal with what happened the night before.
I suffer from anxiety, badly, and when I do something while drinking my anxiety is nearly crippling the day after, or days, or months, or years...because yes, I still get embarrassed over things I said 17+ years ago.
ANYWAYS, here is my best coping mechanism, I hope it can help anyone who needs it! Disclaimer: This is in NO way a cure-all. Doing this usually gives me about 20 minutes of relief from the anxiety until I remember what happened again. 20 minutes of concentration so I can finish my work, shower, cook dinner, sleep...anything my anxiety can possibly keep me from doing. I do want to mention that after doing this for several years now my anxiety on certain situations has lessoned drastically. Maybe that will be the case for you if you end up liking it.
First I picture the situation(or as close to it as I can remember) and then I freeze the scene, as if pausing a movie. Next, I picture the walls and ground of wherever I am turning to stone, the people around me start turning to stone as well. Imagine it’s as if the stone is spreading. Finally, I turn myself to stone. This allows me to look at the situation from an outside perspective and since everything has been turned to stone it’s quiet and peaceful. Lastly, I picture all the stone being crushed into dust and blown away. I’m left with a clean slate.

One time I started making out with my brother’s friend in the backseat of my brother’s car while we were driving. The only problem was he was engaged and told me that and I actually told him it was okay and I was just drunk and that’s why I kissed him. Another time when drunk in a nightclub I started kissing a guy who was not into and got angry at me. Ugh so embarrassing. Any other time I was drunk and kissing a stranger they at least reciprocated lol. Another time I was at a reunion and started blabbering about different things in my life situation that made me unhappy like I was dating someone I wasn’t really into and I also have no kids but in reality I never really wanted kids so I’m not sure why I was even saying it lol.

I feel obliged to share today what i did over this weekend due to my problem with alcohol.
Started the evening with some shots , moved onto many many rounds of beers, switched to whiskey at a very close friends anniversary party and that's when it all came rolling in. It seems I was so wasted that i instantly went savage mode. ( Mind you I rarely do go here ) I decided to hit on my friends mom's mate till she got really creeped out and left the party. I have the most respect for this family and I proved myself wrong again. Now I'm in self disbelief and shame , been recluse in my room and beating myself up. I have problems with alcohol and feeling loved . This caused me to chase a high I have longed for since my recent breakup. I hope that the family forgives me for my bigotry.