As someone who has struggled with gambling addiction for a long time, I understand firsthand the challenges of preventing the relapse of gambling addiction. One moment, you feel like you are finally gaining back control, and the next, there is this overwhelming urge to gamble. In this article, I'll be sharing my experience with preventing a gambling addiction relapse, as well as proactive strategies to sustain long-term recovery.
Understanding Gambling Addiction Relapses
Relapse is the return to addictive behavior (in this case, gambling) after a period of abstinence. In my experience, there are three stages of relapse: emotional, mental, and physical.
Emotional relapse -- This begins with subtle shifts in emotions and behaviors, such as increased stress, irritability, or isolation.
Mental relapse -- This involves thoughts of returning to gambling, rationalizing past behavior, or romanticizing the "good times" associated with gambling. You start feeling like you are missing out and life in recovery is boring.
Physical relapse -- This marks the actual return to gambling behavior.
Causes and Signs of Gambling Relapse
Slipping back into gambling can be triggered by a multitude of factors. In my experience, the main ones are stress, financial difficulties, and relationship problems. For me, it was financial problems. I had pumped all my cash into a project, and unfortunately, it didn't work out. I felt like I was a failure, and to escape, I returned to gambling. I wanted something to distract me, and gambling worked just fine.
Identifying the various triggers and ways you can manage them is crucial in preventing gambling addiction relapse. You must also recognize warning signs that might include mood swings, being increasingly secretive about your finances, neglecting personal responsibilities, and lying to loved ones.
How to Prevent Gambling Addiction Relapse
Here are some things you can do to prevent gambling addiction relapses:
Identify your triggers -- Know the possible things that can push you to gamble and avoid situations that might tempt you.
Develop better coping mechanisms -- Learn healthy coping mechanisms to manage stress, anxiety, and gambling cravings. These can be meditation, yoga, journaling, etc.
Limit access to money -- If you find having cash at your disposal challenging, you can give a trusted family member control of your finances.
Remove access to gambling apps and websites -- Unlike some years ago, there are now so many gambling websites and apps, and you can bet at the click of a button. This makes it more challenging, especially since a phone is not something you can do without in today's age. I recommend self-exclusion.
Reach out for support -- Talk to trusted friends, family, and other recovering gambling addicts about your feelings and struggles.
Relapse is not a sign of failure but a part of the process. Understanding the triggers and signs of gambling relapses can help you take proactive steps that will keep you on track in your gambling addiction recovery journey. Check out this video below for more:
Believe it or not, a mundane trip to the grocery store helped me learn to enjoy food again. The year was 2019. I had recently moved across the United States from Florida to Arizona. And in my new zip code, there was a Trader Joe's on almost every corner. I am aware that makes me come across as a basic Millennial stereotype (which I own, for the record), but living near Trader Joe's has proven to be a crucial milestone in my eating disorder recovery. Here's how this grocery store helped me learn to enjoy food again—and to eat what I love without shame.
How I Learned to Enjoy Food Again with Help from a Grocery Store
Before I dive into this topic, I want to acknowledge it is a socioeconomic privilege to have access to food within close proximity. The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) estimates that around 44 million Americans experience food insecurity, either due to their location or income bracket.1 This can exacerbate the prevalence of eating disorders in some communities and present systemic barriers to healing.2 I would be remiss to overlook this disparity. As such, I have immense gratitude for the opportunity to rediscover enjoyment in food.
The first time I walked into my local Trader Joe's, I felt an immediate gravitational pull toward the snack aisle. As someone who dealt with anorexia for 15 years, I wasn't much of a snacker between meals—but I was intrigued by the sheer volume and eclectic variety of snacks along those shelves. From chili lime cashews and tempura seaweed to almond butter pretzels and Jerk-seasoned plantains, my mouth began to water in anticipation of those unique flavor combinations. As I stared at all the options available, a new thought occurred to me:
"Is food more than just a source of utility and function? Could it be pleasurable, too? Can I nourish myself, while also savoring the experience?"
With this question in mind, I bought a few snacks. That small but intentional choice inside a grocery store built the foundation on which I would learn to enjoy food again.
I Learned to Enjoy Food Again—and Combat Shame in the Process
It has been four years since this introduction to Trader Joe's, but my love for food only continues to grow. When I crave an afternoon or evening snack, I no longer repress that desire. I listen to it; then I respond—even when my eating disorder wants me to do the opposite.
Cultivating this mindset was an incremental process, and it still feels counterintuitive sometimes. But in the moments when guilt creeps back in, I remember that paradigm shift in the snack aisle of Trader Joe's. I recall the freedom of realizing I could enjoy food with no shame attached. Then, I make the deliberate choice to reach for a handful of chili lime cashews or almond butter pretzels. I tune out the eating disorder voice in my brain. I lean into the pleasurable flavors on my tongue. And I smile at the simple realization that a grocery store helped me learn to enjoy food again.
Sources
USDA ERS - Key Statistics & Graphics. https://www.ers.usda.gov/topics/food-nutrition-assistance/food-security-in-the-u-s/key-statistics-graphics/#insecure
Hazzard, V., et al (2020). Food Insecurity and Eating Disorders: A Review of Emerging Evidence. Current Psychiatry Reports, 22(12). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7596309
For some people, an all-or-nothing mentality can be one of the possible results of verbal abuse. However, it isn't just verbally abusive actions that can cause this. Anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem are also commonly linked to an all-or-nothing mentality.
I've experienced many negative emotions during my verbal abuse journey. Regular exposure to intense screaming, insults, and threats contributed to a contrasting view of relationships. The extreme emotional swings within the cycle of abuse reinforced a black-and-white dynamic that was a common occurrence.
An All-or-Nothing Mentality In Verbally Abusive Relationships
As I navigated my feelings, my coping mechanisms evolved into extreme thinking. There was never a stable middle ground in my life for many years. If I wasn't doing things right in the eyes of my abuser, I was completely wrong.
Each mistake I made was magnified and focused on, making me feel worse about myself. So, I lived each day trying to be perfect and avoid any confrontation. The verbal abuse reinforced several absolutes that aligned with this black-and-white mentality, such as:
I will never be enough.
I am always screwing things up.
I can't do anything right.
I'm not smart enough to achieve (a goal).
No one likes me.
I'll never be happy.
Changing the All-Or-Nothing Perspective
Through therapy, I've grown to understand that these negative thoughts are not entirely true. I am not perfect, and sometimes, these statements may apply to some degree. Occasionally, someone won't like me, or I make a bad decision, but that doesn't mean I can't learn from these situations. I can grow and change, moving away from this all-or-nothing mentality. I understand that although I'm not 100 percent perfect, I'm not 100 percent a failure either.
When it comes to my relationships now, I recognize that when my partner is mad at me, it won't result in verbal abuse. Yes, we disagree, but there aren't the insults, name-calling, or threats that were once a part of my life.
I have the trust I need now to know that even if I make the wrong decision, my partner and I can talk through it. I don't live each day thinking I'm not good enough anymore. And that grace I receive goes both ways. I am more open to communicating with others when I'm upset with their actions. Slowly, I'm building the relationships I need and deserve.
After years of analyzing my past and present relationships, I'm not sure if verbal abuse caused my all-or-nothing mentality. However, I know it's an unhealthy way to live my life. Every day is unique; sometimes, it's a struggle, and other days, I'm feeling great. I remember to take it one day at a time and try not to beat myself up when I'm not 100 percent perfect because I know that I'm not 100 percent a failure either.
Forced gratitude happens thanks to the fact that gratitude is trendy -- it's been in for a couple of years now. And whenever something becomes popular, many of us jump on the bandwagon. Of course, it may be that practicing gratitude benefits your mental health. But what if your gratitude isn't genuine but forced? Can it then backfire and harm your mental health? Let's take a look.
What Is Forced Gratitude?
To know what forced gratitude is, we need to take a look at what gratitude is. According to PositivePsychology,
"Gratitude is an emotion similar to appreciation. Gratitude is both a state and a trait. Better explained, one can experience gratitude for someone or something at a certain moment in time, and someone can experience gratitude more long-term as a positive character trait."1
When one expresses gratitude that is not genuine or sincere, I call it forced gratitude.
Why Does Forced Gratitude Harm Your Mental Health?
I feel, as a practice, gratitude is good for your mental health only when it's genuine. For example, if you make a list of things to be grateful for at the end of a good day, you might feel grateful after the exercise. But if you force yourself to make a gratitude list on a day when nothing went right, you might end up feeling like a fraud. Because at the end of a bad day, it can be difficult to hold back tears, let alone find things to be grateful for.
That is what happened to me.
A while back, I sincerely tried gratitude journaling on the recommendation of my therapist, and it backfired terribly. I felt forced gratitude was invalidating my problems by overlooking them and thinking that "others have it worse." The truth of the matter was that I had some serious issues going on in my life, and I was in a dark place mentally. Life was not in my favor back then, and forcing myself to be grateful for things like having a roof over my head only made me bitter and resentful.
What Can Improve Your Mental Health Instead of Forced Gratitude?
If practicing gratitude every day doesn't improve your mental health, what does? Check out the video below, where I talk about more organic ways to boost your mental health.
How has an attitude of gratitude impacted your mental health? Let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.
Source
Millacci, T. S., PhD. (2023, October 3). What is Gratitude and Why Is It So Important? PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-appreciation/
Code-switching in borderline personality disorder (BPD) is something I've been trying to understand lately. I know so far that it's a survival strategy I've clung to in a reality where the threat of rejection casts its shadow over everything. Let's look a little bit deeper at code-switching.
For me, code-switching is like shape-shifting through language, behavior, and demeanor to fit into different social landscapes. It's a skill we all possess to some extent, driven by our innate desire to belong. But for those of us grappling with BPD, code-switching in BPD takes on a whole new level of significance.
Code-Switching in BPD as a Default Mechanism
Sometimes code-switching in BPD feels like my default setting. It's not just about blending in; it's about avoiding the dreaded sense of abandonment that lurks in the shadows of every interaction. The fear of being cast aside, deemed unworthy, is like relentless noise in the background. As a result, I not only instinctively mirror the people around me, but I tend to alter my personality traits to fit social expectations.
The emotional rollercoaster of code-switching in BPD is a constant battle between outward poise and inner turmoil. I tend to suppress my intense emotions to conform to social norms, only to experience a surge of emotions later when I'm alone or in a safe environment.
Unstable Sense of Self and Code-Switching in BPD
My brand of BPD is characterized by an unstable sense of self. Code-switching in BPD allows me to adapt to different social roles and environments, providing a sense of identity coherence and validation. Concerning my fear of abandonment, code-switching in BPD gives me a superpower. I'm able to establish rapport and foster connections, even if it means sacrificing authenticity.
However, in analyzing code-switching in BPD, I'm realizing it is not sustainable. It's exhausting constantly contorting myself to fit into molds that were never meant for me. I realize letting go of this tendency will not happen overnight, but I'm willing to peel back the layers bit by bit. My goal this year is to reclaim some semblance of authenticity.
Dive into my latest video, where I touch on self-discovery and the fleeting moments when it's safe to let your authentic self shine through. In this video, I'll be sharing how I've learned to show up as my authentic self despite having BPD.
I am an introvert who is coping with depression. Being introverted is a personality trait where I thrive on independence and recharge mentally when alone. I can also become emotionally drained when I'm in social settings, including at work. So, how am I, as an introvert, supposed to reach out for help and not become entirely isolated when I'm experiencing an episode of depression? Even though it has been difficult, within the last year, I have come up with some ways of coping with my depression that do not emotionally drain me but allow me not to become isolated.
Tips for an Introvert Coping with Depression
Here are three tips for coping with depression when you're an introvert:
Go outside. I know it sounds silly, but it does work. For me, when I am going through a bout of depression, my apartment becomes my shield from the outside world. So, other than having to take my pup out for bathroom purposes (he's not a walking kind of dog), I would never go out the front door of my sanctuary when I am depressed. This then leads to isolation and not being motivated to cope with how I am feeling. Thus, I tell myself I must go outside for 10 minutes, whether walking to the mailbox or driving with the window down. I show myself that there is still life outside my apartment.
Text a loved one. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD) in 2010. Unfortunately, it took until just last year to realize and admit to myself that I'm not alone in living with MDD -- I do have a couple of people in my life who genuinely care and who I can reach out to when I am feeling unwell, even if it is just a text. The text doesn't have to say that I'm feeling down -- it is meant to open that human interaction without putting on a mask or depleting what little energy I have left. It could even start a conversation that may help begin my recovery. Admittedly, I don't particularly appreciate explaining why I feel the way I do. Because, frankly, I usually don't know. Thus, sending a simple text shields me from having to do just that.
Schedule a monthly friend night. It is always helpful to be proactive in mental health wellness. I have a list of things I consider my wellness toolbox in my journal. It lists items and solo activities that make me happy when life happens. My toolbox aside, a good friend and I plan a monthly girls' weekend. She holds me accountable and only allows me to cancel if I'm physically sick -- which rarely happens. So, because she knows about my depression, she doesn't let me stay at home and become more depressed. Even if it is just going out to dinner or ordering dinner and watching a movie, she is with me one weekend a month to check in and ensure I am active and doing something I enjoy when I am well.
Being Introverted and Coping with Depression
Being introverted can be a struggle in itself. I can be misunderstood by society and friends who are extroverts. The feeling of being misunderstood and out of place, plus other risk factors, can lead to a depressive episode. In return, being introverted can also make it challenging to begin recovery because, many times, I prefer to be alone and with minimal stimulation.
I can mask my depression due to my introverted personality. Therefore, I need to take it upon myself to have the coping skills to start my recovery. Using the three tips listed above is simple but effective. Plus, it doesn't wear me out further or cause my depression to become worse.
I would love to hear from fellow introverts about my tips or if anyone else has coping skills for their depression.
Twenty years after being sexually assaulted, my childhood trauma made me sick. At the age of 24, I learned — the hard way — that if you ignore your emotions for too long, they will find other ways to get your attention, and even childhood trauma can make you sick.
For two decades, I spent my life repressing and downplaying my trauma, attending therapy that only worsened my symptoms, listening to everyone but myself, and eventually becoming physically ill from the stress.
After several doctor's appointments in just one week, I finally found myself in my new therapist's office with a diagnosis I'd never expected: posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
"But I'm physically ill," I'd argued, pointing to the rashes that covered my face and neck and ranting about the days I'd spent bedridden with a high fever.
I'd become a shell of who I used to be. I thought I had cancer, autoimmune diseases, hormonal issues, you name it. I'd thought I might be dying. And part of me was dying. Little did I know, a new part of me was about to be born.
My therapist proposed the idea that my childhood trauma was making me sick. She came up with a plan to help me heal from the inside out. What happened next felt miraculous.
How Childhood Trauma Made Me Sick
Through my healing journey, I learned that the stress I held in my body — if not released — could lead to a host of health issues. In other words, childhood trauma can actually make some people sick.
Adults who have experienced adverse childhood traumas are more likely to develop problems like heart disease and diabetes.1 Additionally, chronic stress can increase your cortisol levels for prolonged periods, affecting your blood pressure, causing inflammation, and even weakening your immune system.2
After I accepted my diagnosis and began trauma treatment, my therapist revealed that I had been stuck in fight-or-flight. I was living my life in survival mode. My body was pumping too much cortisol, my heart was constantly racing, my digestive system wasn't operating properly, and I was too exhausted to make it through a single day of work.
Releasing Trauma and Healing Your Body
Through various therapies, including talk therapy, I've been able to process and release the childhood trauma that was making me so sick. Fears that were once debilitating are now minor nuisances; belief systems that once defined me are now outdated notions I don't align with. My skin has cleared, my aches and pains have dissipated, my body temperature has lowered to normal, and my energy is restored.
While trauma might live within us for some time, we can escape its prison. By releasing painful memories and their associated symptoms, from shame and anger to grief and anxiety, we can turn our minds into safe, loving homes that don't feel so haunted.
Learn more about how my childhood trauma made me sick by watching the video below.
Sources
InBrief: The Impact of Early Adversity on Children’s Development. (2020b, October 29). Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/inbrief-the-impact-of-early-adversity-on-childrens-development/
Professional, C. C. M. (n.d.). Cortisol. Cleveland Clinic. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22187-cortisol
My name is Dawn Gressard, and I am ecstatic to be a new writer for the Coping with Depression blog at HealthyPlace. As a trainer of peer support specialists, I know how vital it is to share similar lived experiences with others, not only for our coping with depression and recovery but for others’ coping as well. It is always easier to endure the journey when you know you are not alone -- and none of us are.
About Dawn Gressard and Her Journey Coping with Depression
I was finally diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MDD) with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) in my mid-30s -- I am 49 now. Living with MDD has affected my life and the choices I’ve made. The late diagnosis was mainly due to denial (that’s a different story) of the fact that I would have a mental health disorder and not just occasional or situational sadness or depression. It was actually my second husband who convinced me to see my primary care physician to discuss possible medications and what the next steps would be to seek help for depression.
Throughout my 30s and early to mid-40s, I struggled with living with MDD. I never really felt like I could get my depression coping skills and recovery journey on the right track. I felt like I had a baseline of normalcy that was not very happy. This is not to say I did not have periods of happiness and contentment with life. Because I did. Yet, my depression was looming in the background, waiting for a trigger or event that would bring it to the forefront again. My medications helped keep my depression from spiraling, but I was still having to wear my "mask" most of the time. I had learned to perfect the mask, and it was indeed a sight to be seen. I could smile, laugh, be productive, and have a good time with the best of them.
Whenever I see the commercial for the antipsychotic medication where the woman has a mask made of a white smiley face on a popsicle stick, I think, “Wow! That was how I felt to a tee!” I cannot give it a better description than that image.
Last of all, I am also the mother of two young adults who also live with depression, and they couldn’t be more different. Nevertheless, coming to terms with my MDD has allowed me to be open and aware of my children’s struggles with mental health -- even though everyone is different, even our children.
Dawn Gressard Lives and Copes with Depression
In the beginning, I was ashamed and closed off about my MDD. I didn’t want anyone to know, much less those closest to me, hence the wearing of the mask. Since then, however, I have learned that being silent about my struggles is more painful than being open about them. In the past few years, I have learned how talking about and being transparent about my personal and family’s mental health not only helps me but helps others as well. Thus, here I am.
Even though I have had lapses in my journey of living with depression and have had to come up with new ways of coping with depression, I am finally at a place where I can comfortably talk about what strategies I have used and use now to cope with my depression. My coping toolbox is not a solid configuration in my life. It is fluid and changeable. As it should be.
For more about me and what I'm hoping to bring to Coping with Depression, watch this:
As we all know, life happens. It happens when we least expect it, and we need to be ready. So, I am thrilled to be here to not only share my story and strategies for coping with depression but to hear your story and strategies, too.
Ultimately, my motto is this: Take life one day at a time. It is all I can expect of myself, and it is all others can expect of me.
Two common responses to verbal abuse include fawning and appeasement. Although they share some similar characteristics, each is unique and can produce alternative results. I used to think appeasement was the same as fawning, but I was wrong.
The Appeasement Response to Verbal Abuse
Some may also characterize appeasement as people-pleasing. An individual will behave a specific way or do things another person wants. This behavior is often a reaction to verbal abuse. The receiver wants to do everything they can to avoid confrontation with an abuser or give an abuser a reason to lash out.
Appeasement can be an excellent survival tactic for anyone in a verbally abusive relationship. It's a submission response to abuse, which can lead to less hostile relationships. I've used appeasement in many situations to get an abuser to calm down and diffuse a potential attack.
Individuals using appeasement believe by following the demands of an abuser, they won't rock the boat to encourage further verbal abuse. If they can keep an abuser happy, life will remain tolerable.
The Fawning Response to Verbal Abuse
Fawning shares some elements with appeasement but is less in tune with the abuser's needs or wants. It is also a submission response but can result in different reactions and results. Like a baby fawn, this response is more common in young children with abusive parents.
Over-apologizing or accepting responsibility for an abuser's feelings are fawning reactions. An individual may mirror their abuser's feelings. If the abuser isn't happy, neither are they. Not only are they people-pleasing, but they neglect themselves in the process.
While fawning could neutralize a confrontation, this behavior often displays weakness to the abuser rather than compliance. Individuals may put themselves in more danger when abusers capitalize on their fawning reactions.
Someone in a verbally abusive relationship using the fawning response can make themselves more of a victim unintentionally. Abuse can escalate if an abuser focuses on their weakness rather than their passiveness.
Unfortunately, I remember times when I would use fawning against an abuser only for them to attack me more for my lack of courage or self-esteem. This behavior gave my abuser more reasons to pick on me later.
Appeasement and Fawning Are Common Trauma Responses
Both appeasement and fawning are common trauma responses. Individuals in verbally abusive relationships may develop these and other coping strategies to deal with confrontation. Although there are some perfectly normal situations where appeasement and fawning can help diffuse conflict, they shouldn't be standard behavior.
Do you notice any appeasement or fawning behaviors happening regularly in your relationships? It could be time to re-evaluate the current dynamic between you and the other person. They may not be verbally abusive to you, but your appeasement or fawning behaviors may come from past relationships.
It's critical that you take care of yourself, and learning your needs are also important. Even with my healthy relationships, I sometimes fall back on appeasement or fawning. Thankfully, it's becoming less and less. I am still a work in progress and hope to continue on my healing journey away from verbal abuse and its negative effects.
My Experience with OCD and Schizoaffective Disorder
I’ve always had anxiety accompanying my schizoaffective disorder, but the combination of schizoaffective disorder and OCD symptoms meant that my usual anxiety was multiplied by at least 10. It went from my “regular” anxiety into the realm of the absurd.
I had a nighttime job, and one of my tasks was to close the office at night and check all the other office rooms before leaving for the night. My schizoaffective disorder and OCD didn’t make this so easy. The main problem I had was with doorknobs. Yes, doorknobs. If this sounds like a tumble down the rabbit hole, get ready because it was.
I was worried that I was closing the doors “wrong.” My schizoaffective disorder and OCD made me wonder if I should close the door shut or close it and then turn the doorknob so the door was tightly shut. I thought the daytime inhabitants of these offices might prefer me to close the door one way over the other.
Why Am I Writing About My Schizoaffective Disorder and OCD Now?
The reason I’m telling this story about OCD symptoms and schizoaffective disorder now is that it’s gotten a lot better since I’ve gone off the old antipsychotic medication. Still, I feel my brain is permanently scarred. Yes, I’m less anxious than I was when I was on the medication, but I’m significantly more anxious than I was before I went on it, to begin with.
I feel like an invalid. I’m afraid to drive. I used to be afraid to go out in the rain or snow at all, even just walking, and all this means that I rarely go outside alone, without a “safe” person, like a family member or a close friend. I have to admit that bone-on-bone arthritis in my knees and the ensuing knee replacement surgeries are a big factor in all this, too.
I don’t want this article to come off as sounding as though I am in any way opposed to psychiatric treatment. I am finally on the right mix of medications, and they’re helping me immensely. I’ve had bad experiences with a few medications, but ultimately, I can say psychiatry and the interventions it enables have saved my life.
