Ending a Relationship: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?

When deciding if and when to leave or end a relationship, how do we wade through the thoughts and consequences? How do you know when enough is enough?

When deciding on ending a relationship, the first question we ask ourselves is: How do I know when enough is enough? Someone very special and beautiful asked me that question this week.

In our culture, we are faced with all kinds of messages about relationships: see the good in people, relationships take work, rise above, and don't have too many expectations. Then, don't put up with anyone's disrespect, take care of yourself, set limits, leave abuse. These messages convolute all our decisions on how to set boundaries in relationships or know when it is right for us to leave them. We don't know who to blame, us or them. Add to it worry and fear about being alone, or being abandoned, or about other people judging you, and it becomes a maze to wade through.

Unconditional Love and Ending a Relationship

Problems in significant relationships effect our anxiety and depression more than any other factor in our life because our relationships and their success define us. These are huge decisions. The heaviness of making the right one, can be immobilizing. One can either open to reconnecting, nor can they step away to relieve themselves. Above all, they lose all trust in themselves, staying in misery and passing it back and forth between them.

We think we are supposed to have unconditional love for our partners and mistake this for having an unconditional relationship. Relationships have conditions! All relationship arrangements are negotiable, and there is usually aspects that for one or both partners that are not negotiable.

It is not easy to chose to leave a relationship and I do not have a prescription answer. Sometimes, it is best and other times it is not, and these both can depend. One thing I do understand is that if you make a decision, you make that your decision. Whichever you decide, you live that decision with your best self. Look deep inside you, beyond all fear and all guilt and there you'll find the answer. Ask your higher self what is the best for everyone involved. Step back from the situation and see yourself and your partner from a distance. This intention and perspective can help you get clarity.

The Ending a Relationship Decision

There is no right decision. Decisions are like everything else, relative. It doesn't matter if it is "right" or not, you make a decision and then make it right for you.

You might decide to postpone your decision to end a relationship, but even that is a decision to be lived instead of lamented. Don't beat yourself up for "not deciding," postpone consciously. But before making a decision about whether to stay in or leave a relationship, think about this:

  • Know you are exactly where you are supposed to be. You are perfect and awesome.
  • There is nothing to be afraid of, you cannot chose wrong.
  • Get people that love you around you.
  • Find your worth and know who you are and your purpose.

Then, and only then, the preferable choice will be as clear as day.

How have you decided to stay in or leave a relationship? Let my friend know how you did it. Comment below!

APA Reference
Lobozzo, J. (2012, July 18). Ending a Relationship: How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 22 from

Author: Jodi Lobozzo Aman, LCSW-R

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

December, 25 2015 at 7:17 am

Im lying on my bed thinking about what the future holds.
Ive been with a Brazilian girl for 6 months now and shes pregnant with my son.
Things haven't been right for awhile and i dont know what to do...
Weve had so many problems and shes said today its enough shes done. She wants to decide what to do...i told her to fuck off then if shes not happy...i mean my language is not called for i know i should contain it but her understanding of our situation drives me nuts.
I was asleep in the bed i bought for us...then she comes in and wakes me and says "get up amd go to your own bed" the spare room...i was like for fucks sake...feeling unwanted i get up and go as not to piss her off...then shes like im joking...
Who the fuck jokes about that shit?
Im really sensitive when it comes to this stuff..
She suggests giving her till feb to decide what shes going to do. Then i said i would break the lease and move out into a share house again.
Then shes like great gimme the lease to the apartment.
Yeah maybe.
But then still wants my support at the birth.
She doesnt want to be with me...but still wants me to be around?
Am i selfish to not want to help her as she doesn't want to be with me?
I said what ever shes is owed with child support she will get...but if were not together i told her to get f@#$ed.
Am i wrong?
I want to try and make it work? She doesnt but still wants it her way?
I mean she wants to leave so ...what can i do?
Am i wrong?
At the beginning it was was great she had her own life...i never knew much about ocd...but im sure im not that filthy.
I consider i maintain a healthy if not manly hygiene...
Im mean im not perfect but im not that disgusting...
Our problems have arisen through things like not washing my hands during food prep to her not trusting me to wash her clothes or washing the dishes.
"this to will pass" - prince ea
Im in constant search of forgiveness and spiritual guidance.
I dont know what to do.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

February, 1 2016 at 5:34 pm

If you aren't happy and you're looking for spiritual guidance to tell you to move on, then as an extremely spiritual person i can tell you that you already know the answer. It's plain to see in the way you write, the way you are so worked up and she doesn't seem to understand. life is about finding a partner who waters your garden and helps you blossom and grow, not who makes you question whether the way you feel is right or wrong. Of course it's healthy to adjust a little to suit one another but if it was meant to be this would be the happiest time of your lives not the worst, you would not be questioning your future because it would be set in stone in your heart soul and mind. In my personal spiritual belief journey I have found that your subconcious already knows the answer to all you seek validation for and to let your mind calm and ask yourself what you really feel is right. Cool the fire of your temper and ask the Universe if staying or going is right for you. Never setttle for less. and remember that just because you aren't together does not mean you can't be the best father. Stay strong you'll figure it out i promise.

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