Recently a friend ruined my mental health. Well, a friend combined with preexisting bipolar disorder, ruined my mental health. I don't believe in blaming people for mental health problems, per se; but, sometimes people do things that are so damaging, a change in mental health really is pretty much their fault. So, what do you do when a friend ruins your mental health?
Depression – Breaking Bipolar
Many days I suffer from what feels like an endless urge to cry. I wake up, and the first thing I may have is an urge to cry. I make coffee -- same thing. I sit down to work, and the urge is still here. You'll note that, at this point, nothing has happened in my day to cause this; I simply have an undeniable urge to cry.
I can't stop insulting myself. I'm depressed, and that's one of the things that I do when I'm depressed. The insults I say at myself are unbelievably harsh and things I would never say to anyone else. But even though I know that it's the depression, and even though I know that it's negative and harmful, I just can't stop insulting myself.
I recently realized there is a safety to wanting nothing. In spite of the fact that wanting nothing in and of itself is horrible, that safety can actually feel comfortable -- especially after a long time.
I suspect all of us have heard someone say, "No one will love you until you love yourself." It's one of those quaint pieces of advice that people give so often that it shines with the veneer of truth. But I'm here to tell you it isn't true and, in fact, it's cruel to tell people that. I'm aware that people are trying to help, but "no one will ever love you until you love yourself" does just the opposite.
Bipolar can bring thoughts to your brain that are so negative and destructive, they can seem impossible to deal with, but you can work to reframe bipolar thoughts to fight back. Reframing thoughts won't fix the issue, per se, but can allow you to stand up for yourself against the bipolar disorder. This is incredibly important. Learn more about reframing bipolar thoughts here.
Do you suffer from an inner voice that tells you others are thinking you're ugly, an idiot, or just plain crazy? You might try combatting that by trying to get over yourself. I know this sounds a bit harsh, and admittedly, I've been known to be overly harsh with myself, but I think there's something to this. Let me explain what I mean when I say, "Get over yourself."
I'm experiencing a profound depression right now, and I can tell you that I don't care about anything. I was thinking about how little I care. Good things have happened. Bad things have happened. But I don't care. Nothing touches me enough for me to actually care about it. Depression has definitely convinced me that I don't care about people, places, things, and everything in between.
When bipolar symptoms quell, I tend to fear bipolar symptoms coming back. That's right, the absence of bipolar symptoms can actually bring about fear and anxiety. I know that might sound self-defeating, but if you've been on the bipolar rollercoaster for as long as I have, and have seen as much bipolar devastation as I have, you'll understand that fear of bipolar symptoms is actually quite rational. It's a waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop feeling. So if you fear the return of bipolar symptoms, what do you do?
I'm far too acquainted with comfort food and depression. I wish I had no knowledge of it, but that's just not true. I admit to comfort-eating when depressed in spite of knowing that it tends to be bad for one's physical health. So, let's dive into what comfort food in depression is and whether it actually offers any benefit.