Looking For Love? Look at Your Self-Esteem First

Are you looking for love in all the wrong places? Perhaps you're single and searching for that soul mate. Maybe you're in a happy, committed relationship, but still feel like you want something more. No matter what your relationship status, looking for love starts with looking inwards. Looking for love involves looking at your self-esteem and confidence. It's more about the relationship you have with yourself than anyone else. Love attracts love; negative feelings attract more negative feelings. You may be looking for love, but what are you really attracting?

Looking for Love? Stop Seeking It

Think back to your Valentine's Days as a child, were they based on romantic relationships or the love of friends and family? Chances are you weren't focused on a boyfriend or girlfriend in the second grade, but rather the friendships in your classroom, on the playground, and at home. Valentine's Day, or any day for that matter, is about recognizing the love that surrounds you and that is within you. You may be saying, "Easier said than done." But here are a few ways to re-frame love, and when you do, it's proven to affect your self-esteem and any relationships you have.

How to Bring Love Into Your Life

Focus on the love that's already there. The surest way to create loving thoughts (and thus bring more love into your life) is to start recognizing the love around you. The dog at the door when you get home, the friend who you always chat with, or a dinner date with friends. These are igniting loving energy around you.

Love doesn't have to be a romantic partner. It's way more than a significant other; it's the others in your life. The more that you surround yourself with loving people, the more likely you are to attract more love in your life.

Love Is All Around You. I Promise.

My family, my four legged pup, my supportive co-workers, and friends were all examples of love. I found it hard, at first, to be around friends who were in relationships, but when I re-framed it, they blew me away. Talk about attracting love energy!

Hang out with those happy couples. Sure you may say, "Ugh, that sucks. They are happy and in love and I'm not." Instead, think "I can't wait until I have a partner like that. I love the way I feel when I am with them and love seeing my friend so happy." It takes some practice, but at the end of the day, isn't it true?

Reframe Your Thinking to Find Romantic Love

Longing for the romantic relationship that a friend has, or focusing on the break-up that broke your heart, will lead you to feel hopeless and horrible. You may have been conditioned to soothe your sadness by eating a carton of ice cream or cry at the thought of your ex, but try and see it differently. These behaviors aren't always healthy and impact your self-esteem.

It isn't magic, rather it just takes a little mindfulness and a bit of willingness to change your thoughts. It isn't impossible, but it can be frustrating. Here is the trick, just noticing the negative thought about love, or lack of love, is an excellent opportunity to add in a new frame of thinking. You've also got to become aware of the people who bring you up in life, and those who add more negative energy to it.

If your partner is slacking off in the romance department, comparing yourself to your friend who is madly in love will surely make you ooze negative energy. Instead, find gratitude in what he/she does do and what you appreciate about them. Spend time with those who are loving, not romantically, but who make you feel supported and happy. Start to see what you want more of in your relationship and what you may need to do to make it happen.

How Do You Reframe Romance?

If your thought is, "That couple looks so happy. I'll never find that," follow-up that up with something like "But, I could and I can't wait to have someone who makes me feel happy. This couple is a reminder that I, too, can have happiness in a relationship."

Or when the ex pops into your head think, "I am so glad that didn't work out; now I can focus on what I want and deserve in future relationships." Practice this and start to see more loving situations present themselves.

Take Good Care.
Em

Emily is the author of Express Yourself: A Teen Girls Guide to Speaking Up and Being Who You Are.You can visit Emily’s Guidance Girl website. You can also find her on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter.