Why Do I Get the Birthday Blues?

"Why do I get the birthday blues?" is a question that bothered me for years. Only recently did I learn that I am not the only one who feels sad on their birthday. While plenty of people look forward to celebrating their birthdays -- as they should -- there are enough folks who can only throw a pity party. Here's why I feel the birthday blues.

Understanding the Birthday Blues

Birthdays often come with the expectation of joy and celebration, but for some of us, they bring up feelings of sadness, anxiety, or dread. This emotional response, also called "birthday depression," is more common than you might think. After speaking with friends and online strangers, I realized that some common themes cause the birthday blues.

Here are some reasons why you might feel sad on your date of birth:

1. Self-reflection -- As milestones, birthdays encourage us to reflect on our lives. If you feel you haven't achieved what you expected or were "supposed to achieve" by a certain age, this reflection can trigger feelings of inadequacy. As a result, your birthday can feel like a reminder of unfulfilled goals.
2. The pressure to feel happy -- Society dictates that birthdays must be joyous. This pressure to feel happy can get overwhelming, especially if you struggle with mental health issues like depression and anxiety. The contrast between how you are feeling and how you are supposed to feel can deepen your birthday blues.
3. Loneliness -- Your special day can cause loneliness if you feel disconnected from the people around you or if it reminds you of people no longer in your life. 
4. Aging and mortality -- The reminder that yet another year has passed can trigger anxiety about growing older or invoke a primal fear of dying. 
5. Childhood memories -- Birthdays tend to stir up bad memories. If your childhood celebrations were tainted with negative experiences, these memories may resurface and cause distress. 

How to Cope with the Birthday Blues

No matter why you feel sad on your birthday, know that it's okay not to be okay. You don't have to force happiness or pretend everything is fine. Instead, allow yourself to feel whatever comes up. This is what I do, and honestly, accepting my truth helps me get through the day. 

Another way I cope with the birthday blues is by reframing how I approach my birthday. Instead of focusing on grand celebrations or the compulsion to be happy, I focus on spending my day in a way that I find meaningful. This usually involves spending time with people who matter to me and doing things I enjoy. If I am having a particularly difficult time, I pretend as if it's just a regular day and try to schedule an appointment with my therapist. 

My birthday is around the corner, and I can feel the birthday blues sneaking up on me. All I want to say to anyone who experiences sadness on their special day is that your feelings are valid, and this, too, shall pass.