Speaking Openly About Mental Illness and Your Family Culture

Speaking openly about mental illness helps, but one thing I know for certain is that ''talking about your feelings'' cannot cure a diagnosable mental illness. To purport this idea is reductive and shows a deep-rooted misunderstanding of the complex physiological roots of psychiatric conditions. However, through supporting my brother in his experiences with anxiety and depression, I have come to appreciate that talking openly about emotions does play an extremely important role in a family where mental illness is present.

Speaking Openly About Mental Illness Helped Us Understand My Brother

Irish culture is not exactly known for speaking openly about mental health issues. Perhaps this is why my family and I found it so difficult when Josh* was diagnosed -- we wanted to be supportive, but how do you ask someone about dark feelings when you don't even know how to talk about bright ones?

Changing the culture of how my family dealt with difficult emotions was a necessary step, and I was relieved to realize that this didn't have to mean dramatic confrontations -- although, for some families, it may. For us, it began with making a conscious effort to acknowledge the emotion in the everyday.

I started by sharing small grievances from my working life with my family. Then one day, my mother shared with us that a song on the radio had made her cry because it reminded her of our aunt, who had died a few years previous. My father began confiding in us about his health concerns. These were issues that we couldn't necessarily offer each other solutions to, but we learned that sometimes being heard is just as meaningful.

Against this background, it suddenly didn't seem so jarring when Josh told us about the phobia he'd developed of driving. We now recognized that we were all people with individual issues going on, and we simply gave him practical support with getting places until he managed to get back behind the steering wheel a year later.

Speak Openly About Mental Illness Despite Initial Awkwardness

Creating a family culture where people speak openly about their mental illness, emotions and stress-levels can feel awkward at first, especially if it's not something you're used to. I have written in the past about how I was also silently struggling with anxiety at the time of Josh's diagnosis. My first instinct was to push these feelings even further down -- after all, the last thing my family needed was someone else to worry about, and I didn't want Josh to think I was trying to make the situation about me. Six years on, I realize that being open about my anxiety levels would have ultimately been a positive thing for us all. 

Our family is far from perfect, but we are better at talking about our feelings than we used to be. We now have firsthand experience of how this benefits not only Josh but all of us.

How has family culture impacted your ability to speak openly about mental illness? Share your thoughts in the comments.

* Name changed to protect confidentiality.