What It's Like Living with Self-Harm Scars

Living with self-harm scars is different for everyone. Some folks have more visible scars; some have to cope with scars that directly affect how they live their day-to-day lives. As for me, my scar's appearance—and impact—on my life have been subtle but powerful.

Living with Self-Injury Scars While Actively Self-Harming

When you're still hurting yourself in secret, living with self-harm scars can be stressful, frustrating, and even a little scary. I often worried that someone would see them—only to wish then, absurdly, that someone would. 

It felt absurd, anyway—but in truth, it's quite natural to both fear and hope for someone to notice your scars. The fear is rooted in the fear of judgment; the hope, on the other hand, is tied to a longing for help, support, and love in a difficult time. I feared someone seeing my scars and being disappointed in me, perhaps even disgusted by me. I hoped that, instead of that outcome, that person would see the pain behind those scars and want to help me heal from it.

Living with Self-Harm Scars After Getting Clean

Now that I've been clean from self-harm for over a decade, I'm still living with my self-harm scars—both the physical kind and the other kind. Happily, though, both types of scars have faded over the years, almost to the point of invisibility.

They're subtle—but they're not gone, not completely. Maybe they never will be. That's okay; I've learned to coexist with my past in relative peace.