Many of us have been in a conversation when a topic you do not feel comfortable with was brought up. Maybe it was just a statement or a joke or a word. No matter what it was, you were left feeling unsure and uneasy. Some people may be able to laugh it off and try to change the subject. Some people walk away and turn their backs on the discussion because they just can’t stand to listen. One thing is for sure - it is hard to speak up.

School is officially in session and whether you are in high school or college, you’re probably feeling a little bit of stress.  Well, some of you may be feeling completely overwhelmed and that is more than understandable.  However, take a step back and look at everything you have on your plate.  Homework? Sports? Jobs? Rent? All of the above? Being overly ambitious can, at times, lead to stress and being too stressed can, at times, lead to negative behaviors – such as self-harm.

For self-harmers, cutting or burning or picking is a form of comfort. However, we also know that this is not a safe form of comfort or a coping skill that should stick around. We know that these behaviors are not only hurtful to our bodies, but also hurtful to our minds. Every time a mark is made, your mind becomes frenzied with thoughts – I’m glad I did that. That felt great. Wait, am I glad I did that. I feel much better. Did that really help me? All of a sudden, anxiety rises once the euphoric feeling disappears and that is what leads to more negative behaviors being thought about. Therefore, stepping out of your comfort zone may be a good step forward.

It’s getting close to the season of pumpkins and cinnamon and apples. In some places, it is already here and the walls of stores are painted in orange and black. Since recently a lot of my blogs have focused on skin picking, I’ll just keep the topic going for a little bit longer. This being my favorite season of the year, I’ve decided to make a pact with myself when it comes to self-harm, even though I technically haven’t self-harmed in over five years. I will stop picking my skin and pick apples instead. Well, sort of.

During my self-harming years, writing was my main outlet and focus. All my life, I’ve been writing, but as a teenager dealing with deep depression and a parent’s divorce, writing became more than just a hobby. It became the one coping skill I could really count on. Well, until my floppy disk would crash (yes, floppy disk). I’m not trying to push writing onto self-harmers who are seeking a positive coping skill to replace their negative one. I’m just putting it out there as an option. There are many other creative ways that can help you stop harming yourself. But since writing is the skill that practically saved my life, it is the one I know best.

In one of my earlier blogs, I discussed something called body-focused repetitive behaviors. These are behaviors almost every human being deals with and doesn’t realize it is a different version of self-harm – picking hang nails, biting nails, picking at zits or pimples are just a few common ones. Typically, these behaviors are not done to distract, release frustration or to emotionally connect to the pain. Usually, body-focused repetitive behaviors are done without realization. So, why am I bringing this up again? It goes back to my face and how I fell on it this weekend.

This weekend, I fell on my face. I literally fell onto the sidewalk and currently have the ugliest scab and bruise covering the right side of my face. After I fell onto the cement, pain filled my body. Obviously this is normal when it comes to any accidental scrape or cut or bruise. However, for some reason, memories from my self-harming past popped into my mind. I started thinking to myself, "Why would I have caused so much physical pain to myself just for distraction and escape? Pain hurts."

It’s the time of the year when everywhere you go you run into a “Back-To-School Sale” sign or catch yourself singing a catchy, yet annoying, commercial jingle. This time of the summer can be tough because even though I’m not going back to school in any way, shape or form, I find myself being drawn towards new clothes and bedroom décor. However, it’s also tough being surrounded by the not-so-terrific memories of high school – memories linked to self-harm.

Have you ever asked yourself, "Why do I self-harm?" or "Why do I let things trigger my self-injury behaviors?" The word “why” varies from being a good and a bad word. As a kid, you constantly ask why because you want to know about the world you live in: “Why is the sky blue” or “Why is your hair curly?” As a child, that word is part of life and learning and discovery. The word is natural. Sometimes, if we never asked why, we’d never know. However, sometimes asking why can become a stressor when struggling with death, disease or self-injury and mental illness.

I’ve never been a huge fan of running or lifting or going to a gym. For me, it takes a lot, and I mean a lot, of motivation to get my butt out of bed to work out for an hour. My family, on the other hand, almost obsesses with working out. Half of my relatives are P.E. teachers or Physical Therapists and have raced in half or full marathons. Many are now into CrossFit, which scares the living crap out of me. During high school, when I was struggling with self-harm, I was a serious dancer. I went to a strict ballet school, which kept me busy almost every night of the week. It was good, staying fit and pushing my focus onto something else. However, when dancing I could not wear bracelets and no matter how much make-up I put on my scars, the sweat would eat it away. Then, questions would be asked and lies would be spit out.