Should People With Bipolar Be In Relationships?

I have bipolar since around 7 years old. Finally diagnosed correctly around 33. I'm divorced with 2 wonderful children whom I love dearly. Recently I met a wonderful girl who really has time for me. I have realised a tendency of mine to cling to a relationship and get too intense when I'm very attracted. I start to feel really stressed and she sees me as weak and unattractive when I display these tendencies. I don't blame her. We both found the stress unbearable and decided to break up. I'm heartbroken. She is also, but I don't know if there's anything we can do.
I'm pretty stable other than I can't wait for communication from my partner- I get really stressed out of all proportions- to the stage where I'd be immediately better off out of the relationship. It's an awful tragedy because we have such a good relationship otherwise. I'm very patient and generally easy to get along with. I have dealt quite well with my anger issues, which gives me some hope I can beat this too.
Getting text messages/ phone calls from her is like a drug that I can't do without- Constant reassurance that things are going well- and that isn't even enough. I wish there was some strategy to allay my fear. It destroys my independence and makes me feel very weak and unmanly.
If I could beat this stress I think I could have a proper relationship. Any advice?

I have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder for 10yrs officially. I know it has been apart of me for much longer. I don't remember living life without some symptom haunting me. I have been in relationships during the time I was diagnosed. I had to navigate this disorder on my own. Figure it out by myself. The man I was with wasn't really interested in it but just wanted it gone. Didn't really care about the science. It didn't interest him. He just wanted it fixed and move on. I tried ignoring it. Huh that's really funny now.
Now I'm engaged to a man that tries to understand my bipolar episodes. I have had episodes and he was good. Until the last one.... he says we're distant and I'm unapproachable. He said I can't live like this. He did tell me he wasn't leaving me, followed by I thought about it....... but I'm not. Now for someone who in our entire relationship that has always said he could never leave, said I'm it, put a damn ring on it, told me repeatedly that he's never ever going anywhere, never leaving me!, soulmate kinda love.... he said he thought about leaving me. Leaving me. Evidently I was a unforgivable episode. The worst he had seen in me. I know we can have altered reality but damn I wasn't that bad or that extreme. Is he done? Will the next time I relapse be it? It isn't always possible to prevent a relapse. I will always be bipolar. A life as someone who is bipolar is a life that is (at least in part) dictated by being bipolar. I'm me can't change it. I just hope he realizes it and learns to live this life with me. I hope this isn't the beginning of the end. Any thoughts?

Having been married to a bipolar for 16 years I have to say yes they are selfish, manipulative, and will totally blame everything on you when they get in a mood. I love my husband very much. How much he loves me I will never really know as I feel he loves himself the most. Sometimes it seems he would burn down the world for me. Other times it seems he'd burn down the house...yeah, with me in it! If you get involved with a bipolar person please ask yourself are you willing to invest in a relationship where you are never sure where you stand, where you're being wooed one minute and screeched at the next. Get yourself a good counselor! When they are wonderful it's amazing. When they're moody it's beyond words and you will spend a lot of lonely nights crying yourself to sleep while they snooze away with no remorse of what they said or did, because you MADE them say those things of course. If only we would follow the script they give us and say everything perfectly then maybe they wouldn't get mad. I'm sure bipolars will get offended by these comments but we're used to it, as they get offended over everything basically. Do I sound bitter? Oh well. I'm just telling my experience. Hopefully some spouses have it differently.

I am bi polar, 48 yr old female, married for 21 years. I personally believe that anyone entering into a relationship both bi polar and healthy individuals should not marry until somethings are established. One, DBT therapy to include both partners, individual therapy for both, and pre marital therapy so that both people are aware of the trials and tribulations within a marriage. Establishing coping skills and plans for times when relapses occur. Having a strategy will help retain some solidity. Bipolar takes a lot of focus to manage, which can make us appear self centered which may just be we are needing to step away to focus on retaining or regaining our sanity. I would go so far as to say have a written contract which states what each will do to, including maintaining on meds, being hospitalized when needed. The healthy partner needs to be aware they will be the ones that will be placed under extra stress by picking up the slack when the other is unable. Marriage requires a lot of work and energy so someone who is bi polar must fully realize that marriage will add stress to their lives. I would recommend living together for several years before commitment to marriage, giving each person a chance to experience life after the honeymoon fades. Children will further compound the stress as well and should be treated with the same considerations. The healthy partner needs to be fully aware of bipolar behavior and educated as fully as possible on the disorder and the bipolar partner must be fully active in all the methods involved in treatment and truly desiring to maintain a healthy state with a close working relationship with a psychiatrist and therapy counselor. Both should go to individual and marriage/couples therapy throughout the relationship to maintain ways of coping. It can be done but the ones who make it are dedicated to maintaining their health and having solid support systems in place. I will testify that people with bi polar can be very difficult to live with but I can also say they too have a great capacity to love. Those who are healthy when stable will feel true remorse about inappropriate behavior. I know I don't want to cause undue hardships or pain to loved ones but even "stable" people have marriage issues at times. If you both decide this is truly what you want fully knowing the consequences, then you are probably better prepared than the average person getting married. The divorce rates of the average population are at what?....50% or so....divorce and unhealthy marriages occur in the healthy population as well and can be equally damaging. So, I don't judge anyone's choice, only some advice on how to help hopefully. Normal is a setting on the dryer and subject to the individuals perspective of reality. You will never know high you can fly until you've experienced how low you can go. Best regards to all.

Hey Jim,
Thanks for writing. Looking back now a couple weeks later, I can see the anger that was present when I wrote my original post. I think it goes without saying that I should have waited to calm down first before posting, but it's also rather cathartic.
I appreciate your response. I really do. I don't agree with everything you've said, but some I do. I think there is such a thing as mental illness because I've lived with it. I've seen it up close and personal. We have study after study and autopsy after autopsy of brains with lesions and evidence of micro traumas from the affects of mania/hypomania when it is untreated. We also have the anecdotal evidence of hundreds of thousands of stories of both sufferers and caregivers to show the outward affects. It's incredibly difficult.
You were right. When I wrote that I was unhappy. Extremely unhappy. The pain that I was in was immense. Not from a lack of love, but from loving so much and having it been rendered useless by a monster I couldn't see or fight.
She was my everything. No matter how many times she attempted suicide, threatened suicide, hit me, ran away emotionally or mentally, I always came back. I loved her more than I loved myself and maybe therein lay the problem.
I loved her through the sleepless nights with the meds. I loved her through the horrible physical and mental side effects of the more powerful anti-psychotics. I loved her through the mental and physical abuse.
In the end, it got me a text message saying that we were through.
Was I perfect? No... There were things I would have done differently. They haunt me. Especially one instance in particular where I lost my cool after 4 days of suicide threats, emotional abuse, and physical violence. Some would say the words were justified, but my conscience says "you're better than that."
That brings me to, what I think you intended to be, your final point. How did it benefit me? If I could tell you how many hours I've spent trying to find a silver lining, you'd probably smile or laugh. There are positives. I've learned a lot about my own boundaries, my own emotions, and my own short comings. I've also learned that I'm stronger than I think, but that sometimes I'm not using that strength in the best way to help my partner.
I don't think today I could say that "not being married to a nutter..." Is a benefit. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Despite everything, the research has born out that it can be managed and dealt with if both people work at it and are on the same page. I wanted to, Jim. I really did. She was my world. I would have fought forever for her. But she told me to stop.
I do love, Jim. I have a lot of love. I was brought up in a wonderful, loving family and have been blessed with amazing friends. However, this disease, when left either untreated or poorly treated, has the ability to destroy people, families, and lives.
However, I would change one thing about my position, now that I've reflected more. If both partners are working towards the health and balance of the partner with BP, then it can be done. A relationship is possible. I hope that everyone with BP who reads this post listens to what I have to say next.
Jim is right. Love does help. But please understand that we need you to work with us. We love you more than we could ever describe and to see you hurting or confused because of this illness crushes us. Please communicate with us. Please work on the mood charts with us. Please work on healthy coping activities with us. Please go to therapy and your psych doctor for us. We know it hurts and that it is scary... We really do. We're scared too. But we love you so much that we will fight through it with you when you're ok, and for you when you're not. You're not alone.
Thanks Jim for helping me think through things.
All the best.

Graeme doesn't sound like a happy man, perhaps Graeme has not had much love in his life and this has caused him to hate the world..well, those who have love in their hearts.
It's a shame as I believe we all have our ups and downs in life. I'm actually unsure if anyone really has 'mental issues', as the most stable of us out there can one day, have something tragic happen, some form of post traumatic stress (see most of the guys who worked in the armed forces), and suddenly their life falls apart...what happens when we see this, who is it that comes to the rescue? the medical 'experts'? the pharmacutical companies with their drugs? no its the very crazies you speak ill off. who through their high and intense personalities, feel so strongly to help and heal those less fortunate than themselves..or rather those who are temporarily in a period of distress and angst...I understand what has happened to you was not on the whole positive, no one wants to be attacked or have mental stress through a partner, and yes no kid deserves to grow up without love and affection or being scarred...but seriously? take a look around and you will see that everyone at some time in their lives, ALWAYS, ALWAYS with good intentions, messes up and does something bad to someone, they care about. it's what makes us HUMAN and i for one wouldn't want that to change...lets just suppose that this 'evil streak' in a minority (if it is as they say) of the population was causing such havoc and pain and suffering, wouldn't it have been stamped out by now by evolution..we've been around long enough for nature to find a way to rid ourselves of genes and traits that are just not helpful..so, perhaps another argument would be that its beneficial for parts of the population to have this...oh no, guess what i'm onto now, the real reason for the doctors, the drugs, the FEAR...so Graeme, maybe take a step back, take a look at yourself and see how your encounter might have actually BENEFITTED you in your life...even if it made you take more thought about who you are next involved with to 'not be married to a nutter'...thats a good thing isn't it? Nature is a marvelous thing, and LOVE is the best of all the human traits...as Stephen Fry said, I would not change anything about my life, we all just need to be a bit more open and understanding and try to work out how to deal with those who lose it from time to time..locking them up and throwing away the key should not be an option, doping them up to not feel high or low, should not be an option..we need to open our hearts and love them...but hey thats just what the governments of the day FEAR as then we coudn't start all the wars and sell all the guns and bombs..its a shame as there are other ways to make great nations. Peace to all, Jim.

Hi Kearra.
Your comment really hit home for me.
I myself have bipolar.
We dont feel the need to hurt the ones we love. We become overwhelmed with emotion and everything just comes out impulsively. All our thoughts are flying at us all at once. It's very nerve-wracking. After the episode is over we feel embarrassed, guilty, abnormal and ashamed of ourselves, even suicidal. You start to believe that words could never amount to what you said or did. You become afraid that you went to far with someone you love, so you wait till they come to you, to see where they stand. We don't expect anyone to stay after that.
Usually it would make sense if the person who hurt you came forward, but our illness can make us feel insecure, that were not deserving of love after an episode. We know it was not right but don't know what to do because we also know that it might happen again which we hate. Part of it is also denial, because we hate admitting that there is a part of us that we ourselves do not like or accept. A part that hurts not only ourselves but the people we love.
It's very frustrating looking for a medication and getting the help we need when our moods are like a rollercoaster. A gentle, positive approach could go a long way in those times. Maybe even marking down how many days they are on it- how many days left to go might help.

I've been in a relationship with my bi polar fiance for almost four years now. When it's good, it's amazing. He is my prince charming and I can't get enough of him. However, when he has one of his episodes......I am nothing more than a emotional punching bag for him. Despite all the research I have done on the illness, I can't wrap my mind around why a bi polar person is completely oblivious to the pain they cause others. I can see why bi polar people are considered selfish.
It's like my fiance is completely unable to see the damage that he's doing to me with his cruel words. It hits me even harder because I myself have PTSD from a traumatic childhood due to having an abusive parent.
There are days where I'm his goddess and there are others where I'm literally to blame for everything that is wrong with his life. Sometimes he apologizes for running me mentally straight into the ground where it takes me literally days to recover. But, he will never hold himself fully accountable for his actions. He is blind to the fact that he's slowly destroying me. It's only a matter of time before I decide to take my own life because I literally can not handle the abuse.
I've tried getting him on medication but he is so impatient with the results, that it always ends up in disaster. Either the meds make him act out more, or he just stops taking them all together. In some cases where he's having a bad day, he will go and take three times the dose of his meds because " the normal dose isn't working. " If I try to tell him he can't do that because it's dangerous, I will get yelled at and called stupid because he " knows his body better than me and the stupid doctors."
Yes, bi polar people deserve relationships but you need to start holding yourself accountable for how you treat your family and your significant other during your episodes. Just because you have a disease, it's not a free pass to destroy those around you and NOT be sorry for it.
The stress I feel right now is overwhelming. Even as I type this, my bi polar fiance is one of his depressed induced slumbers. Once he wakes up, it's going to be a coin toss whether he's going to be a functional human being or a mentally abusive asshole.
I'm tired of being the blame for everything that goes wrong in his life. I've been searching for hours online trying to find someone with bi polar to explain to me rationally WHY do they feel the need to hurt those closest to them. If someone could just tell me why, maybe it will give me the strength to continue fighting another day.

I think that the people who have bipolar can be in a relationship, as long as they are on medication, make sure that they go to their psychiatrist when they need to get their meds refilled, and above of all, take care of themselves. People who have bipolar disorder have a disease, and it is no different from having alcoholism, diabetes, lupus, and heart disease. We just have a chemical imbalance in our brain and it causes mood swings if we don't take our medication. We shouldn't be shunned, ostracized, or treated differently because of our ailment because it is what it is. I have good relationships with my family and friends and I maintain them because I talk about and educate them about the illness because I don't want them to get the wrong views which will make them make wrong decisions and conclusions about me. I think that as long as you educate your significant other about it and take your medication every day, then they will be more accepting of the illness and not cast you off and brand you for the rest of your life. Education is always the key to ignorance because it dispels snap judgments and theories that you are not worth being in a relationship, albeit a long term relationship and commitment.

No. People with bipolar disorder should not be in relationships. There are hundreds of thousands of broken, destroyed partners out there who have had to fight for normalcy after being decimated by a BP partner.
It does sound nice, the thought that people with BP are kind and gentle. I'm sure there are a handful out there. But the overwhelming evidence points to the fact that people with BP are destructive. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, the outcome in the vast majority of cases is destruction of the family, damage to the children, and irreparable mental, emotional, and sometimes physical injury to the partner.
There is a reason that people who suffer from BP have fewer friends and fewer meaningful relationships. It is because the disease prevents them from functioning and relating in a healthy way with other people.
No, BP is not like any other physical disease. It is a disease of the mind. It is not cancer, It is not the flu, it is not a broken bone. It is a disease of the very thing that makes someone human, the mind. It destroys over time the basic elements of the brain that allow for the healthy conceptualization of reality. The reaction of a loving partner is to try and help or cope with this distorted perception. However, identifying their BP reality is like grasping a ghost. It's only there for a second, and then it disappears, leaving you holding on to nothing.
My ex had no empathy, no compassion. She was so self absorbed and damaged she felt no remorse when she became physically violent or slept around. That was with "medication".
So while I am sorry for your diagnosis, I have no sympathy for you if you choose to not be medicated and attend therapy. The damage that you will, not may, do to others is inexcusable.
This will make many upset. I'm not sorry. Those of us who have suffered through untreated or treated BP relationships need to be heard as well. We are the lost, broken, shells that you toss away in your hypo/manias and blame for your pain in your depressions. We're the ones having to comfort our children after you leave. We're the ones who have to suffer the social humiliation of your actions and fight for our lives after you've finished with us.
We have no sympathy.

I think having any kind of relationship are hard. That alone is not easy. I have known two people with bipolar. My sister in law and a friend. Now my friend was married for 15years and it wasn't easy, and eventually they divorce. She became violent overtimes with her spouse and kids and it showed . She would burst into anger at the local store . In front of people she would curse at him and embarrassed him . We all knew she was bipolar but we never knew this side of her. We felt bad for him. He remained in his marriage pushing through. She accused him of cheating even if he had never left home. One day she lost her temper and beat her child because she claim he knew his father was cheating. She never took her MEDS and it just got worst. Until he couldn't take it no more and divorce her. My opinion is this marriage lasted this long because of him. He stood by her even if she didn't take her MEDs until he couldn't no more. All relationships are built with either one person holding it down . Yeah! There is such a thing as a partnership, but it's very rare. Relationships are hard enough adding a mental illness is even harder and it's not for everyone. It is not counting your lucky charms if you can make it work. I know my brother is constantly in the battle with his wife and divorce has come up rather a lot. Their relationship is as similar to my friend. I only wish them luck, but I personally don't see marriage as an easy thing to begin with and adding this illness is the worst. It would explain why people rarely get married nowadays. It to much work.

Hi.
I have decided to try being in a relationship. I have Bipolar Disorder 1. Its not easy being consistent in anything, career, relationship, keeping in touch with friends.
I am hiding the illness from everyone I know. I don't want the stigma to hang over me. People are always judging. I have enough stress in my life from my moods, inconsistencies, I don't need anyone's pity.
I didn't get along with my family, I find it hard to keep a job. Ever since I realised I have this illness, I have isolated myself, slowly over time. And started learning how to deal with it and control myself.
I simply diet, monitor my mood, and strive to keep a balance temperament. The first few months was hard, but with time it has become better. I am my own therapist, nutrican, everything.
Nobody knows I have the illness. Not my parents, or siblings or bestfriend. I thank God I didn't freak out and fear confided when I found out. It has not been easy coping, but I'm thankful I'm okay.
The isolation really helped, it brought calm and order to my life. Now I am slowly gradually socialising, I now get along with my parents very well. I have accepted they will always favor my more successful siblings over me. Its not thier fault, its human nature to admire, desire the best. I get along with my siblings. Though I am only very close to one.
I am female, 29, and I want to be in a good supportive relationship. This will be the hardest part I have been dreading it. And to make it worse I hate sex. I hate the barbaric culture I come from, they cut off the clit in girls. This prevent me from having sex. My relationship are painful, they never last. My longest relationship is 14 months. That was years ago. I have been single and celibate for a long time.
I want to be in a loving, understanding relationship, because I want to get married. And I want somebody that won't judge me or look down on me, a guy that would understand what I'm going through. And I would understand what he is going through but the world won't know about it.
I would like to date a fellow Bipolar Disorder person, who keeps his illness a secret And he is 30 or above. Single. No kids like me. Ready to be committed, kind, understanding and supportive.
The way people look down on mentally ill people, especially in the society I am from made me keep mine private. My siblings and some of my friends were highly critical of my life choices, the inconsistencies bothered them especially my siblings. If I reveal to them why I was like that, they will feel sorry for me, and maybe guilty of thier endless critism. And I wish I could tell my Mum and Dad, but I know they will tell my siblings and my siblings would say to themselves I was right, something was indeed wrong with her.
All humans are fair-weather's at heart. Parents want the best kids, excellent kids they would be proud of. Children want a good home. A good life. Excellent accomplished parents.Everybody would like to study in an Ivy league school. People admire those who they think thier lives are close to perfection and look down on those who are obviously having more challenging lives.
I have enough problems in my life, so if you are a guy struggling with the illness I am struggling with, aged 30 and above, single, no kids, ready to work hard to fix your past, build your career and have a very sucessful life, that will enable you to give your kids the best in life. Then we should get to know each other. Because I want to do all that. We only have one life to live, its better to make the most of it.

I understand what you're saying, I'm just saying I was considered popular when I was in high school but depression amongst things in life happened and I spent most of my time in a library, I'm considered attractive I know quiet a few girls who liked me. I never asked any of them out why? We've all had our heart broken sure, but now that I'm fully diagnosed and not in high school good looking used to be popular all that crap means nothing and its like people are saying snap out of it you look fine you had a lot of friends in high school. My point relationships are hard enough having kids is hard enough. How many times I've actually been approached by a girl and awkwardly walked away a reminder of it does not matter what you look like misery comes in all shapes and forms and to be honest I could see myself sleeping with those women and I could't guilty for not wanting to play a game everyone plays in life sleeping around thats my generations worried and I'm sitting here like what the hell you are mentally healthy and your onto your tenth relationship at 24 like its a badge of honor. What I really want is to not hear from another bipolar person on how after there 2nd marriage 3 fiancee they finally found someone who loves them? Accepts them? Puts up with them? Seriously out of every sub group bipolar people in history changed the world, Alexander the Great, Abreham Lincoln. I'm sitting over here like what the hell? So truth is I look down on most people not because I'm negative but because no one I mean no one therapist, psychiatrist Dr.'s drugs or sites like this can answer me one question? How am I gonna avoid getting poisoned or shot in back of the head by normal people? How am I gonna find a woman to love and accept me, the true test going manic and having the cops called on me. Will she look at me the same? Will my children be afraid of me? All these questions and I'm to treat myself like a illness and have respect for myself? Illness? Respect? Illness? No I have a vision, goals all that. But I fear myself, I fear truthfully not being alone but messing somebody else's life up. I must be crazy cause this misery is bitter sweet.

There's a quote: it's not always easy to hug a hedgehog, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. If a person is truly mentally ill, stop trying to make them feel like crap because you see them as selfish, and all that other crap. They're either are mentally ill or they're not, and you don't get to have it both ways. You don't get to try and make someone who is NOT normal live up to and live by your normal standards. What exactly are you hoping to accomplish by putting a square peg in a round hole? Not everyone who suffers from mental illness can hide it so easily, and those that are higher functioning are usually a mess behind closed doors. There are also quite a few people masquerading as normal that if examined closely would qualify as anything but. Why isn't everyone tested then? Perhaps we are all a bit maladjusted and each contributing to the chaos in our own special ways. This might not be right, but it's just something to think about.

I'm 23 soon I'll be 24, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 3 years ago I've never been in a serious relationship only dating and hook ups. I kinda don't trust myself to be in a relationship I believe it's more to do with my upbringing having a criminal parent as well that I just don't want anyone to be sucked into my issues, family and friends say I'm being unrealistic maybe I am. But everyone I know treats me different I'm open about my illness but my friends and family show their attempts in treating me the same but I think their only telling themselves that. I am who I am and I wouldn't change myself if I could, but I really just don't see a relationship for me. Sure I know I'm young people say that the right person will come by but that's not my worry, I don't want anyone to have to put up with my moods or anger or whatever my own family and friends can't handle it and I'm working to better myself I do everything needed to help and I could go months without any incident but everyone around me feels like there on edge around me. I'd rather be alone then surrounded by people who love me but that being the only reason they stay around me as if they owe me, ever since I was diagnosed I just don't trust anyone or myself.

I was diagnosed as postnatal depression in 2010 when my son was born. My psychiatrist told me to take medication for one year and then to stop it. I did stopped and was going for counselling once a week then once a month. My husband was very supportive in looking after our baby and also keeping me positive and motivated! 2015 December,I had a relapse and it was all over the place! All my son's activities,school,neighbourhood etc. I got admitted to the hospital and was diagnosed as Bipolar Effective Disorder! Many of my friends are not talking to me! But I got great support from my husband and 6year old son.There are lot of community activities and social groups I participate at the moment. Hopefully I'll find a decent job soon. I believe in myself. Bipolar is not same for everyone. Most important part is finding a right medicine for yourself and getting stick to it!
Counselling or Talk therapy helps a lot to put all those negative thoughts,fear and anxiety under control!

I was diagnosed with bipolar 10 years ago. I am now 31 years old. I have never been in a relationship longer than 2 years. Most of my teens was destructive with heavy alcohol abuse, I was unable to love, i was guarded and not compassionate towards anyone including my family. Over the past two years I have cut down on the drinking drastically to about one drink a week. I work out daily and I limit my carb intake. Focussing on my health and body helped me cope with my disorder, my depression, and I am now able to sleep for the first time in years. I have fallen deeply inlove for the first time in my life. I have met a man who loves me and supports me in everything I do. For the first time I have met someone who is willing to work with me at beating the bipolar. I have come to the realisation that bipolar does not define me. Managing and owning the manic and depressive episodes, the constant aggression and anger management is my number 1 priority. I think anyone can cope and have a loving relationship with bipolar if YOU are willing to WORK at it daily. To fight bipolar you have to wake up every morning and make a constant decision to be a better person than you were the day before. If you are in a relationship with someone with bipolar you have to accept the fact that its not easy for your partner, he/she is working at it every minute of every day over and above having to face the pressures that life brings. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world and I feel like all the love I have reserved all my life was meant for the day he walked into my life. I think a little patience is all he/she needs and the rewards will be worth it in the long run. I would advise anyone suffering with bipolar to follow a good diet, exercise daily, meditate and simply do whatever you are passionate about. For me that is cooking for my loved one, cuddling my dog or keeping myself busy with work. It is not the end of YOUR LIFE. IT IS ALL WORTH IT, for yourself and the people who love you. I shared my story today to INSPIRE anyone who thinks life or love isnt worth it. It is. Open up and cherish what you have because that will not only help you cope with your disorder but it will save your life.

I was in a relationship for 30 years until my husband died. He had a positive impact and helped me deal with my bipolar mood disorder on a daily basis. He seemed to take it in stride and always found a way to make us laugh. He made it seem easy and enjoyable to be married to me. He let me know that I helped him to be a happier and better person as well. At the funeral I had people I've never met who knew all about me and said he bragged about me all the time. He would give me little phrases to help me and he made me feel so special and loved. I miss him dearly.

I've never been able to hold a relationship together yet, but I am hopeful.
Maybe this time it will be different. A least until my next breakdown.

I think if a person doesn't mined being in a relationship with someone that will degrade them and be abusive...possibly event violent ...basically becoming a victim then that's up to them. There are people out there that enjoy being victims and that's a perfect mate for most bipolars.
Are all bipolars abusive, selfish, uncaring, cheaters, delusional, manipulative, violent? No of course not.
But based on my own experience and research at least 60 percent are. However most-
95 percent, will be in denial that they display any or all above behaviors hence the reason i don't get into discussions with them.
Part of the issue is that bipolar often runs concurrent with other conditions such as psychosis 75 percent of the time...personality disorder or schizophrenia. When does bipolar end and other conditions begin? Who knows. Then there's also the issue of people being misdiagnosed as bipolar when in reality they suffer from another mental health. However, the rate of misdiagnosis is low.
I personally would not take a chance and knowingly get into a relationship with a bipolar. Some people like taking chances like my ex husband who married a bipolar he thought was sweet, kind and generous woman after barely a year of knowing her and is now living in hell. By his own admission our
marriage and conflicts were mild compared to what he's going through now.
He's terrified of what she will do or accuse him of if he attempts to divorce her.
She's abused drugs, gone to prison for two years is currently on probation, has paranoid delusions, is prone to fits were she verbally abuses everyone, has elaborate hallucinations were she spends hours drawing on walls. She hoards stuff were there's no room in the house to walk, she constantly shops for furniture depleting his bank account making it extremely difficult to pay bills, she refuses to get a job or clean the house or cook, and has lost custody of her 5 children which she has with 4 different men. Has had numerous affairs by her own admission. Her own mother warned my ex about marrying her.
Now normally i wouldn't care what my ex does or who he is with.. problem is that we share custody and it has been increasingly difficult to discuss parenting issues with him since she takes his phone and tries to force me to go through her which i won't. Biggest problem is that my son was getting caught up in their frequent domestic violence so he is down to spending only one day a week at his father's house ocassionally two when she's behaving and taking her meds.
I told my husband if he didn't like it he could take me to court. I will not expose our son to this woman's insanity because the ex is too much of a coward to divorce her.
I have a file a mile long on her including her attempts to get involved with my sons school and his private academic records. I had to warn the school and submit evidence to the schools lawyers, showing that she had no custodial rights to my son and that she shouldn't even be allowed on campus due to her criminal and mental illness background were she is unpredictable and prone to fits our violence. Thankfully my son is old enough to describe to a judge what he goes through while at that house. Even my oldest moved out at 17 to come live with me after experiencing several months of this woman being in the house when the ex was living with her prior to marriage. She moved in on their first date and never left. Most men would have seen this as a red flag but not the ex. So here we are 4 years later and in spite of her constantly threatning divorce and her numerous affairs and otherwise crazy behaviors shes still there. Mostly because her lawyer said she wouldn't get the house since its a premarital asset. Though she would be entitled to half of his retirement.
As of two weeks ago she threatened divorce for the fifth time and is currently seeing an other attorney. According to the ex she had an affair with her last attorney. Now she's involved with a cop so she's planning on leaving the ex for the cop. So if all goes well she and that cop will become a permanent thing...at least permanent enough for everyone's life to return to normal.

i dated a man with bipolar and i too experienced some of the awful things I have read about at first the kindest and loving man I have ever known and then after a while odd things would happen and I shrugged it off but as time went on he was verbally and emotionally abusive and even threatened violence. He is bipolar 1 rapid cycling and he completely obliterated my life. I now have complex ptsd, social anxiety and agoraphobia because of the things he did but his brother who also showed the same symptoms was also ganging up on me with him and he had no family support. I gave him everything... I was doing everything the head doc said to do but he went of his meds without me knowing cheated and lied and then took off with another woman making treats at me along the way. He left me for her after a massive episode where he wanted to kill himself and told me he was afraid of me... I still have no idea what the hell would ever make him think I would ever hurt him. I really loved him I would never hurt him. Then a mate of mine msg the girl he left me for because I was so distressed I thought about taking my own life and then I got accused of manipulation and lies and I never once lied to him...
I have studied bipolar for the last 2 years and yes bipolar people experiencing psychosis in an episode can be abusive.. They may not be aware of what they are saying. When he is being fueled by delusions then nothing you can say or do will work he should have been put in hospital at the time to prevent this but because his family don't want to know about it he has no support at all and I was the one who now also will have to suffer for the rest of my life at the hands of an unstable bipolar man.. Key word is unstable!!
You can not have any kind of relationship with anyone who is unstable and won't get help and refuses it when you offer...
I do think it is possible to have a relationship with a bipolar person if they are stable and being treated depending on what is decided by the patient and doc and partner.
Unstable and untreated there is no chance it will work and also rushing into something will also never work..
If the family won't accept that they have bipolar and listen to the partner and won't work with them also it won't work... I say tread with caution!! Extreem caution!!!
I really don't think I will ever trust another human being thanks to his untreated illness..

I met a man 4 weeks ago that I took an instant like to. We met several times, at my home or his, and it turned into a physical relationship like I have never had before. He told me after 3 weeks that he was bipolar and wanted me to research it out. I was willing to do what I could for us both to have a good relationship. Little things kept happening. I realized that during a manic mood you could not satisfy him sexually and when he got sore he blamed it on me. During the first 3 weeks, I laid his tv remote in a different place. He went postal so we called it over but made up. Next he decided his dog did not like me and he would not choose me over his dog, called it off, then went back together. The last week in Nov we were together, for lunch, had sex, talked a while, he had one of his violet outburst over a card coming to him from an insurance company when he had not applied for insurance with them, he apologized and then he took me home. I noticed a difference in him when he kissed me good night. I l got a text the next day saying he had talked to his doctor about us and that the dr informed him he should not be having sex so often or for extended periods of time and that we needed to call it off, again. This was the last straw, I need to mention that I am 70 and he is 69 (he has been in with so many women as he told me all about them.) I texted him and said I agreed with the dr and I wished him luck. He got nasty, accused me of having sex with him way too early and that I expected him to perform when we were together....just went on and on so I told him no more messages that I was done. I was under a lot of stress when I was with him as I did not know him well enough to know how he might act in any given circumstance so I felt relief but was hurt too. I realized I had become his 'BIPOLAR PROXY" and that at times I felt like I had the problems and not him. I later learned he had 5 other disorder problems. Relationship might be had with some bipolar men but definitely not this one.

I must say, I thought this article would criticize people with bipolar in relationships but it was just the opposite. I was in a relationship and when I first started dating this guy I told him about my disease. He did not mind but I once broke up with him because I thought I wouldn't be good enough for him. I apologized to him and we got back together but now we just broke up and I don't know why I broke up with him. I really love him but I think I will never be good enough for him. I really miss him and I don't have the courage to tell him how I feel. What should I do?

I have rapid boipolar I always knew I had it but I didn't want to know. I got it out of my head ,all my life family and friends told me so 3 weeks ago I got it comfirmed by a doctor it was hard to deal with im taken my medication but i jave so many mood swings each day one minute im happy and have lots of plans and ideas and next I'm sad and feel crappy angers and very irritated by people around me its very hard in my relationship because my partner is such a nice generous person and sometimes I love him so much I can't get enough and other days I can't bare to touch him for no reason at all I snap at him and not care at the time even though I know I'm doing wrong I can't help it or snap out of it at the time I'm finding it really hard to deal with so I can't imagine how he feels is it really fair for me to have a relationship with him do I break his heart and finish it, or stay with him and make him suffer from my illness? if u love someone u let them go right?

What I've read here is disconcerting at the least. It seems that people diagnosed with bipolar disorder are being blamed for all aspects of relationship failures. I was diagnosed with bipolar about 25 years ago. I'm high functioning, married, mature and mostly well adjusted. It's appalling to me that people who are aware of my diagnosis, and I don't tell anyone unless necessary, believe that I am likely to manipulate them or can control their minds in some fashion. And not just the vulnerable. Medical personnel I've encountered over the last year for extreme unexplainable pain in my low back, dismissed my complaints and seemed to think I was imagining it or just looking for some attention. So it's not just people on this forum or other sources that attest to the bipolar personality being highly untrustworthy and undesirable. I'm wondering when we'll be forced us to sit in fhe back of the bus? But I also noticed some big time compassion especially from LovingKindness and some other bits and pieces, which I appreciate very much.

Hi Anne,
I was married to a bipolar partner for 5 years and still there for him 5 years later even though our marriage ended in divorce. When I first met him, he was just like the person you now described. I did not know he was bipolar and had no experience or education about it. Then like a light switch everything changed. He was generous, empathetic, loving, intelligent, and great company. When he started to become abusive, sarcastic, uncaring, I knew something was wrong. I found his medications and this is how I discovered he was bipolar. Being married and I do love him, I started reading and educating myself. He then became manic, saw a woman he had to have, left, and divorced me. The two of them enjoyed his manic high and spent loads of money on things and trips. Then he became depressed and abusive to her, so she left, and he crashed. The crash caused him to seek help in me and professionally. Now that he has the professional help, I have again been put aside so he as he says can work on himself. He says he cares deeply for me but not in love. He has isolated himself from me though I would love to work in a triangle and work with him and his professional team. He wants to do it on his own, I respect that, but feel i am learning nothing of what I can do. I am a nurse so I am fully aware that there is a man under that illness blanket that I do love. It is a nightmare for me this roller coaster. Be prepared. It will not be an easy path.

At time it can be a battle in just 34 my fiancee is39 with bipolar disorder at Rome it has it days but cause I love ❤ her I learn how to handle it just cause they have a disorder don't mean they don't want love ❤ if you love them so much you do whatever it take for you to help and be there for them

I understand the openness of the forum format, but I find it troubling that such libelous and discriminatory misinformation is being harbored on websites which pass themselves off as leading health resources or authorities. HealthyPlace -it might be time for a little more careful monitoring of your branding and content.

I'd be most concerned with the types of people making bigoted assertions that it is impossible to be in a healthy relationship with, or to "RUN RUN AWAY from", someone diagnosed as bipolar.
It' is unfair, if not wicked and tasteless, to debase an entire population of six million Americans who have bipolar as incapable or undeserving of one of the most basic and vital human needs, a fulfilling relationship.
There are many people with and without bipolar who make wonderful partners. I'm sorry if some commenters have had difficult individual subjective experiences with a bipolar partner. Some people are poor partners, some relationships are poor relationships, regardless of any present clinical diagnoses. But it is very reckless to pin your bad experiences on millions of others who are lookng for and are perfectly capable of beautiful, healthy, compassionate, and loving relationships.
anne, if things are going well, expect them to continue to go well just as you would if your partner didn't have a bipolar diagnosis.

I forgot to mention that I went out two or three times with a bipolar man (I can't really call it dating), and I knew after knowing him for two weeks that I could not be bothered. When I would try to honestly explain to him why felt the way I did towards him, it was stressful. There was absolutely no reasoning with him. It was like talking to a brick wall. He was the type who say something hurtful and not apologize. Things would just get turned around on me. All you can do is avoid these type of people like the plague!

Even though I am a compassionate person, in my opinion, clinical terms should not always be given to things that really are bad behavior. This is the problem with society; no one is held accountable for their actions. Not everything is an illness. I have been reading different articles on the web regarding the bipolar disorder, and I can't do anything but shake my head in disgust reading the list of behaviors associated with the bipolar disorder.
When a person is insensitive, rude, aggressive, angry, etc., that is not being bipolar; that is a character flaw or a personality disorder. I am a believer in people's upbringing and life experiences shaping who they are. If anyone wants to disagree with me on this, I welcome the opinions without personal attacks.

I have been dating a bipolar man for about 6 months. All of it has occurred in his high phase, and i have yet to see the depressive side. We are both seniors with previous marriages and both living single for many years. I have no desire to get married as i,m very self reliant, nor do i want to live with anyone, but i would like a permanent relationship. I,ve witnessed the speed talking, the terrible insomnia, and the life of the party behavior. But, he is also super generous almost to a fault with anyone, has a great sense of humor and is highly intelligent, so a great conversationalist. The physical side is pure attraction on both sides. What i have read is totally scaring me, though.. maybe i,ve already experienced the best? He does see a pdoc occasionally and does take a med. But he also likes to have a drink with me when we go out, which is maybe not a great idea. I,m not going to run his life however. We just get along so well at this point.. what should i expect going forward?

Speaking from hard earned experience I can assure you that people with Bipolar Disorder do not have significant others, they have care givers, who they pretend to care for and/or con into thinking they are in a romantic relationship with. The Non Bipolar partner is simply a crutch to be used until he or she is worn out during a depressive cycle and is thrown away to be replaced during the next manic cycle. Repeat and Repeat and Repeat ad nauseum. Avoid these people like the plague they are

Been with a bipolar woman for 2,5 years ALL i can say is that.
RUN ,RUN AWAY from them if you want to SAVE your MENTAL HEALTH!
Wanna know how it ends my story?with a charge for murder attempt!!!
but it was funny when i show to the authorities the evidence that after charge, she come to me and spend 3-4 days together ,while she asks to not be close to her area!!
dont know if you publish this,BUT PEOPLE RUN,RUN AWAY FROM THOSE MANIACS.IN MY COUNTRY OLD SPARTANS THROW THEM TO KAIADAS.....

All of you guys out there with lovely relationships to your bipolar significant other, are all of your bipolar spouses on some type of medication?
Mine is not, she refuses any type of medication doesn't take any other advise such as exercise, yoga meditation or anything.
I'm at my wits end.

I have given up hope on ever having a healthy relationship of the intimate level. The longest and healthiest relationship I had was 3 years with an addict/alcoholic (so not that healthy) I was patient and supportive for him to get sober but because he was a functional one and I at the time undiagnosed- he accused for being unstable. I tried to do the 'I can't see you anymore because of it'. After years I finally had the guts to see if he was even alive and not only did he get sober with out trying to get back with me, he moved on. So I feel addicts don't even want me when they're sober. This triggered me to take an overdose resulting in 3 weeks in a psych ward then in shelters for several months and in a number of unhealthy relationships with addicts, alcoholics and ex cons friendships to intimacy. But now that I am housed and in a safe environment again I realize I cannot be in a intimate relation with someone with more bagage than me but doubt any non addicts/alcoholics/mental illness people would be interested and it isn't like I screen people nor expect to be screened but the stigma I have with mental illness just is too strong. I am still not even working and want to burst into tears when normal (for lack of a better word) people who don't know I have mental illness ask something simple like 'what do you do?' However me and my doctor still haven't found a medication that works but even medicated I don't want to be accused for not trying to manage my mental illness better and left for someone more stable.

I was so in love with my husband I ignored all the bad. I would make excuses for why he was in a bad mood. He would always say" I will be happy when-----" He wouldn't get any help. I went by myself it didn't help us
There were weeks when he wouldn't even speak to me, He would yell at me all the time. Didn't have a kind word to say to me, Never in any crisis in our marriage was he ever awake. I was still going to keep my vows for better or worse. There were so many times he never came home from work. His dinner was still on the table in the morning. Then we had our son. He told me no one else would want me. I had no self esteem. One day he was driving the car and yelling at me about something. I kept thinking I could just open the car door and jump out. As I reached for the door our son started crying. I left him he divorced me. Then wanted to remarry. He only gave me 2 gifts the whole time we were together. one was my son and the other my freedom. He married 6 times. I think he should have come with a warning sign.