Mental Illness And Acting on Emotion

I wrote a blog a couple of weeks ago-- "Mental Illness--Acting on Impulse!"--but this post is different. I am not focusing on impulsive behavior such as overspending, abusing drugs and alcohol and self-medicating moods. I want to talk about acting on emotions.

Connecting Emotion to Mental Illness

First, let's pull out the thesaurus (yes, again!) to apply some definitions to the word:

>Affect or Lack of

>Emotional Charge

>Sensitivities

>Manic state or condition (that is an entirely different post!)

>Unrest

Alright, enough of that. Side-Note: The thesaurus is the most used online purchase (out of impulse?) I have acquired.

Connected to mental illness, a feeling of unrest is common, particularly in a state of depression and mania. I would like to add to add the word, the feeling--agitation--to mental illness and emotion.

Unfortunately, I have thrown and had to repurchase quite a few phones in my lifetime. It's a family joke now: "Oh, I can't reach her, perhaps she threw the phone!" I do not find it as funny as they do, but each to their own.

A change in "Affect"--in the context of mental illness-- this meaning a change in mood is also common. Moods and emotion can define mental illness and navigating them is crucial to recovery.

My Experience With Acting on Emotion

I am writing this post for a reason. I am writing this post because I recently did something, acting purely on emotion, that I regret and I am extremely embarrassed about. I will save you the details because further humiliation will not make me feel any better, but I can offer an outline of sorts.

Picture this: I am lying in bed. It is the middle of the day. It's sunny out and I kick the cat out of the room because he keeps trying to look out the window and the light assaults my eyes. Like a dagger.

I am not, according to the Mecca known as my psychiatrist, clinically depressed. Instead, I do not know how to regulate all the changes in my life: work, stress, the end of a relationship, a tearful farewell to my very best friend--nicotine! And a bunch of other crap I won't go into.

Long story short: I have made a professional commitment. I am lucky to have been offered this opportunity. So, what do I do?

I e-mail this person (whilst in bed!) and tell her, in a rather curt and truly inappropriate way, that I am cancelling. Just like that. And I sent it away. And I felt and feel like a bloody idiot. And I should. I acted on emotion. I applied that emotion to something positive, something that has nothing to do with how I was feeling.

If nothing else, I pride myself on being professional, I always have. If this person reads this blog-- let me extend my apologies.

That is an example of acting purely on emotion.

Thinking Before Acting

Everyone, not just those of us with a mental illness, acts on emotion or impulsivity. That's normal. But when you have a mental illness and your moods shift more than you would like you just need to stop. What do I mean by this?

If I would have closed my eyes for a minute, took a few deep breaths, I would have understood that my action would have negative implications.

It seems obvious: Think before acting! But try it on for size. Clearly, I need to.

Recovering from mental illness involves many things but, as I have learned, controlling emotion is an important part.