Is It Depression? Is It Self-Pity? Here's the Difference
Have you ever noticed that when you are feeling depressed, at least one person in your life tells you to "stop feeling sorry for yourself?" Depression and self-pity seem to go hand in hand, but they are not the same thing. Experiencing self-pity is significantly different from being blue. Here's how you can tell the difference.
How Depression Is Different from Self-Pity
A person with depression is more likely to engage in self-pity, and a person who often wallows in self-pity may have depression. In my experience, both depression and self-pity are undesirable mental states that negatively impact one's quality of life and self-esteem. So, how are they different from each other?
According to the National Institute of Mental Health,
"depression [major depressive disorder or clinical depression] is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks."1
Psychotherapist Amy Morin explains why self-pity is unnecessary and pointless.
"It goes beyond healthy sadness. When you feel sorry for yourself, you'll exaggerate your misfortune and experience a sense of hopelessness and helplessness."2
Basically, self-pity is a choice. Depression isn't. The former tends to stem from a pessimistic outlook on life and is often seen in people who are so self-absorbed that their own troubles are all they see. It makes one oblivious of the good in life because they are so busy focusing on the bad. As destructive as self-pity is, I have it on good authority (mine) that it can be controlled.
From Self-Pity to Depression and Vice Versa
It's perfectly normal and okay to feel sorry for yourself from time to time. Life is hard and unfair, after all. But if you often find yourself down the rabbit hole of self-pity, you need to work on it. Trust me, throwing yourself one pity party after another is one of the quickest ways to get depressed, especially if you are already vulnerable to the black dog.
To stop feeling sorry for yourself or to prevent depression from causing self-pity, you need to be mindful of what you think. Counter negative thoughts with reality checks. And most importantly, ensure you don't have a case of victim mentality.
How do you deal with self-pity to reduce or prevent depression? Please let me know in the comments section below.
- National Institute of Mental Health, "Depression." Accessed February 24, 2021.
- Morin, A., "2 Psychological Tricks That Will Help You Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself.", Inc., Accessed February 24, 2021
Shaikh, M. (2021, February 24). Is It Depression? Is It Self-Pity? Here's the Difference, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, June 4 from https://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/copingwithdepression/2021/2/is-it-depression-is-it-self-pity-heres-the-difference
Author: Mahevash Shaikh
Hi, I am currently off of crystal meth for 2 months. I was diagnosed with depression anxiety and ADHD years ago but continued to use crystal meth until the past 2 months. I am a lost soul who has wasted so many years of drug abuse. I am currently in an out patient program but it seems senseless. I have been in recovery B4 and doing what my sponsor suggested I do, I did feel better. Now as I've gotten older I feel their is no hope in sight. Feeling sorry for my self does give me some relief. But I am so damaged mentally I feel I need more than na or aa can help. I am not suicidal because I am afraid of death. But I do think of the day I would die and how I might die. I don't know what to do from here.
Everyone goes through a lot, and I find no reason to have self pity. I’m thankful, think of others often, and don’t dwell on my own circumstances. But I am fighting severe depression, even having great faith and doing all the steps to feel better (good diet, exercise, etc), and I try not to tell anyone I know or even my doctors because of the very things mentioned in this article. I don’t want to tell anyone how I feel or that I’m ever contemplating an end because I don’t want them to think I feel sorry for myself or have self pity, because I do neither. I’m very thankful for every blessing and help others often. The rest I don’t share with those I know in fear of judgement.
Maybe I have depression, but I can feel my choice in it all. Like I am letting myself fall into it. Then someone will say or do something and it brings me out. Exploring this sense of "possible" control helped me find this article.
So, maybe I don't have depression. I used to have a victim mentality and maybe self pity is the next stage up. That explains why I can know that my life has improved, but feel myself falling sometimes. Thank you. I appreciate the clarification.
Just a pin.point issue that would like a pin point answer; how do you not feel depression and self pity when illness/disease divorce, taking care of a parent and mad you have been delt a healthy plate of crap? What happens when the cup runneth over?
I appreciated the commentary. I think I have both depression and self pity. It comes in bunches. I am 67 years old and was homeless for over a year and lived on the streets in garages and in homes when it was extended to me. When I got a car I slept in that for awhile until I finally moved in a senior apt in 2018. However I live in the hub of an industrial community. Refineries 18 wheelers and a noise level that often has me feeling unsteady and agitated. Covid didn't help either
I think they are closely related. I empathize and hope life gets easier for you.
My wife, common law of 30 yrs suddenly passed away last year..she was selfless and humble of spirit . I've had grief therapy for a year.,I can't get her out of my mind.....so sweet..I have no strong support group ... I'm 75..and feel alone what can I do........John my feel
Being a alcoholic, ppl tell me it's self pity. But I refuse to let a book written by alcoholics define the way I feel.
I've battled depression, over 30 years.
I lost both my parents and my this March, it's difficult keeping what sanity I have..
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Roger.
Depression and alcoholism are a formidable combination. Losing your parents must have definitely made things a lot harder. I hope you are seeing a therapist, grief counselor, or have someone who listens to you without judgment.
Please take good care of yourself. I sincerely hope your mental health improves soon.
Powerful and well spoken!!
I think being aware there's a problem is the first step. Then, as you're able (be patient with yourself), you can explore ways to fix it and find a couple that work for you.
Indeed. Being aware is crucial.