Self-Therapy For People Who ENJOY Learning About Themselves
WHAT ANGER IS
We feel anger whenever we are BLOCKED from getting something we want.
It is good for us because it protects us from threat, it reminds us that we have power to overcome obstacles, and it gives us a measure of how important it is for us to get what we want.
HOW IT WORKS
Whenever we are blocked from something we want, a part of our energy goes into feeling anger.
It can range from intense anger at being blocked from something important (like life itself) to minimal anger at small blocks over slight wants.
Anger has a natural duration. In other words, we will get over it within a certain amount of time if we admit to it and express it.
If we don't admit to it (if we deny that it's there), we can feel "uncentered" or "crazy." If we don't express it (if we keep it inside), it takes a much longer time to get over it.
Anger feels bad when we first notice it, it feels good as we express it (by saying we are angry, raising our voice, etc.), and it turns into guilt and depression if it's denied.
Anger feels good to express whether we are alone or with others. Expressing it with others is better only because they may be able to help us make decisions about what to do with all that energy.
Anger is really just raw energy. After we have admitted to it and while we express it we feel a major boost in our energy level.
We all have one particular set of physical sensations in our body which indicate anger. People feel anger in various ways and in various parts of their body.
The most common sensations are probably a tight feeling in the upper torso, a "hot flash" or rush of warmth in the face and upper body, and jaw tightening.
Your sensation of anger may be one of these or it may be entirely different.
FEELING YOUR ANGER
It is vital to your emotional health to know how anger feels to you in your body.
So, right now, take a moment to remind yourself of the most intense anger you ever felt.
As you remember this day when you were completely blocked from something you wanted very much, ask yourself: "What do I feel in my body?"
(Once you recognize your own "anger place" in your body, you can stop thinking about that day in your life. Notice that you are able to let go of that memory almost as quickly as you were able to remember it.)
It is very important that you admit to yourself that you are angry whenever you feel this sensation in this part of your body!
As a matter of fact, you'll need to get better and better at recognizing even very slight sensations of anger, if you want to improve your life.
It is possible to believe that you are angry when you aren't, and to believe you are angry when you are really sad (most common), or scared, or happy, or excited, or feeling guilty.
The "Split Second" It Started: Real, necessary, natural anger starts as an immediate response to some event. Unreal, unnecessary, unnatural anger starts in our minds, with a thought or fantasy.
If the anger was natural you will feel better as you admit and express it. If it was unnatural you might feel a bit better from the release of energy, but not much.
If you don't get relief from your anger, it probably started in your mind. It is possible to simply stop unnatural anger (once you stop believing it's real).
If you have trouble stopping it, you are probably believing that you are angry as part of some learned strategy for getting along in the world.
Some people call this manipulation, but that word implies that it's done on purpose. It's really a way of coping, subconsciously, with life's difficulties.
But feeling the pain of unnatural anger never works as a way of coping in the long run.
See "PROBLEMS WITH ANGER" (Another Article In This Series)
Enjoy Your Changes!
Everything here is designed to help you do just that!
next: Natural Sadness
Staff, H. (2008, November 30). Natural Anger, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2023, September 29 from https://www.healthyplace.com/self-help/inter-dependence/natural-anger