Stop Being Ashamed of Low Self-Esteem

March 10, 2015 Fay Agathangelou

It’s easy to be ashamed of having low self-esteem. Low self-esteem is generally perceived as a weakness and it’s often stigmatized. Having low self-esteem is bad enough, but feeling ashamed can make it a lot worse. Shame may prevent you from speaking up, seeking the help you need and it can also be isolating. You may want to hide away from the world or avoid talking to others. However, you can improve your self-esteem when you stop feeling ashamed.

How to Stop Feeling Ashamed of Low Self-Esteem

  • Acknowledge your low self-esteem and the shame associated with it. That's your reality right now but it does not mean you want to stay that way. Acknowledgement of your situation empowers you to create change for the better.Are you ashamed of low self-esteem? Read tips on how to stop feeling ashamed and build self-esteem.
  • Know that there’s always a reason for low self-esteem. Something in your life has caused you to have low self-esteem so don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead, be kind to yourself while taking steps to create the life you want.
  • Realize that you’re not the only one. Feeling like you’re the only one with low self-esteem adds to the shame. It’s important to know that low self-esteem is a common issue and it’s normal to have shameful feelings. It’s well hidden as many people won’t talk about it.
  • Know that your feelings don’t reflect your real worth. Negative thoughts and feelings distort your reality. It helps to focus on your good qualities even though it can be challenging at times. Expressing gratitude or using affirmations can help you to make the switch to a positive mindset.
  • Take action regardless of your thoughts and feelings. Your negative thoughts and feelings can trap you and it’s important to take action despite of them. Don’t let the shame control your actions. Instead step outside your comfort zone and challenge the negativity.
  • Take responsibility for change. It’s up to you to take control of your life and the time to act is now. Your low self-esteem might have been caused by something in your past, however, it doesn't have to be your future. There’s no point in blaming others, dwelling too much on the past or shifting responsibility to someone else. What you become depends on you.
  • Get mental health help. There’s absolutely no shame in seeking help and it will help you overcome your negative feelings about yourself. As well as professional help, you can seek support from friends, family or social networks. This may be particularly hard if you're feeling ashamed, but you are never alone.
  • Consider low self-esteem as temporary. Low self-esteem doesn’t define you and it doesn’t have to be a life-long sentence. You can overcome it.

Having low self-esteem can certainly be challenging especially when you're ashamed of it. However, you can conquer those feelings with effort and persistence. It takes courage to step outside your comfort zone and fight the negativity but it's well worth it. Dealing with the shameful feelings will help you to overcome low-self esteem. You can do it.

You can find Fay Agathangelou on Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Pinterest and her website.

APA Reference
Agathangelou, F. (2015, March 10). Stop Being Ashamed of Low Self-Esteem, HealthyPlace. Retrieved on 2024, June 16 from

Author: Fay Agathangelou

April, 22 2023 at 6:00 pm

really struggling with this right now. So much of how I have defined myself-- even when I was a toddler was based on how confident I was and how I just did whatever I wanted to do without caring what others thought. "Independent" and "confident" were probably the first 2 character traits someone like my parents would say I was when I was younger.
So now in addition to the pain of codependency and low self confidence is this deep shame and lack of identity and recognition. I don't know who I am if I am not confident and independent. I never defined myself by even being kind or helpful or anything else like that (not that I am a mean person or really ever was, but in my family and in my life I was never the "kind" one if that makes sense) so while doing those things brings me some happiness, it doesn't bring back my sense of being myself. I've watched my mother martyr basically her whole life. Its made her a toxic miserable difficult person to be around. I don't want to become her.
I've become afraid to be alone.
But when I'm around other people I am terrified they will offhanded tear down my whole ability to stand with some comment.
I don't want to accept that this is the best I can do. And lowering my ideal self, which feels like is all everyone wants me to do, feels like a loss too much to bear. I may not be living up to the ideal, but I am of that species, I am a person that could have been that, and being judged with those standards feels like the only connection I have to those dreams now. I just can't do it without feeling like I'm giving up.
It is already hard enough not to give up.
Nothing here is very helpful. Relationships suffering is one of the worst parts. no one wants to be friends with someone who is not confident, who is needy. People can feel it. People also seem to sense that you are willing to take more ill treatment, and treat you accordingly-- even if in a subtle way and even by people who love you and don't know that's what they are doing. Something about the santicity of myself feels gone, I am unable to command respect internally or externally. While compliments about my appearance once made me feel powerful now they make me feel reducible to the way I look and anxious about measuring up in ways I never was when that wasn't the only thing I thought I had.
But at least I'm not alone.

Nichole | Wildly Alive
November, 18 2018 at 9:23 am

"Acknowledgement of your situation empowers you to create change for the better" - Yeah right! Its the reality everyone needs to face. But having low self esteem is TEMPORARY only if you can control and overcome it.

December, 23 2015 at 9:18 am

I'm not sure having low self esteem is generally seen as a negative trait is it? By who?! I don't think I've ever thought someone was "less than" because they don't feel great about themselves...I mean, that just goes over my irony limit...
Surely anyone who genuinely thinks there's something "less than" about people with low self esteem has problems of their own...

March, 26 2015 at 1:45 pm

I appreciate you writing about low self esteem, I think its something most women, young women in particular, struggle with. I read another blog on the subject that I found very interesting and helpful -

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
March, 26 2015 at 4:56 pm

Hi Pam,
Thanks for your comment and for sharing that link. So many people struggle with low-self esteem and it doesn't have to be forever. There's a lot that can be done about it.

March, 14 2015 at 12:43 pm

Is it recommended to reduce the amount of college units to take care of low self esteem issues?

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
March, 19 2015 at 11:56 pm

Hi Mercedes,
Thanks for your comment. Every person is different therefore I'm unable to provide general advice. It really does depend on you. If it is a concern though I do recommend seeking professional help - there are people who can assist you. Hope that helps and all the best with it.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
March, 12 2015 at 9:10 pm

Hi strongest smile,
Thanks for your comment, it's great that you've blogged your thoughts :)
Self-esteem and self-worth are definitely important and they make a huge difference to our quality of life.

Jessica Wood
March, 11 2015 at 5:42 pm

Great Article! The research I did also points out very heavily at the fact that the own perception is vastly different to the perception by others. Thinking about very little things like choosing the wrong words in a conversation or having the feeling to walk weird. All these little things really lower your confidence because the human mind tends to overanalyze situations. In reality people don't notice little mishaps like that. They either simply don't care or they forget about it in seconds because it's just so miniscule. Great tips, you really show your knowledge about this topic with your article.

In reply to by Anonymous (not verified)

Fay Agathangelou
March, 12 2015 at 9:07 pm

Hi Jessica,
Thanks very much, your research sounds great. It's true that our own perception can be vastly different to what others see. Often we're our worst critics and negative thoughts distort our reality. The mind is so powerful. Thanks for your comment and I'm glad you liked my article. :)

Leave a reply