Talk Back to Negative Self-Talk and Make It Go Away

Do you know how to talk back to your negative self-talk? Knowing how to identify negative self-talk first is important because what you tell yourself becomes your reality. When your core beliefs are self-critical, doubtful and make you feel inadequate, your self-esteem suffers tremendously. The good news is if you are willing, you can talk back to negative self-talk and transform it dramatically with just a little effort.

Get Ready to Talk Back to Negative Self-Talk

I like to think of negative self-talk as a bully in your brain. You didn't create it, your emotions and invalidation from the world around you allowed these thoughts to develop and permeate in your mind. The problem is that so many people have become immune to these feeling and beliefs that they find it hard combat them, but it just takes willingness.

Willingness is the ability to recognize what isn't working and the will or desire to try something new. A few days ago I had some negative self-talk bringing me down. I didn't like how I was feeling so I decided to write down what the thoughts were troubling me. "I always forget my passwords, I'm such a mess. I should've put it on my phone; how could I forget my password again?"

It may sound like a minor meltdown in my mind, but these thoughts were spiraling and making me feel insecure about my life. By noticing the extremes and false statements, I was able to talk back to the negative self-talk with logic (I don't always do this and everyone makes mistakes), and it improves my mindset.

I talk to so many people who want to be more confident but don't do the work. No matter what goals you have in life, whether it's to get paid more or gain more confidence, it takes a little practice and planning. But I will say, learning to overcome negative thinking patterns and create a more positive dialogue with yourself can be he lot easier than you may think.

How to Notice Your Negative Self-Talk

In my example above I simply noticed that I was feeling insecure and tried to find out what the bully in my brain was saying. So first, observe the emotion and then notice what the thoughts are. When you observe what triggers these thoughts, you're likely to catch them in the future before they catch you.

All-or-nothing thinking is negative self-talk, and when you notice it coming up you can stop it from taking over. These words are often a sign that the bully in your brain is trying to interfere with your confidence and self-esteem:

• Always
• Never
• Should/should've
• Could/could've
• Must

Talk Back to Negative Self-Talk in Three Steps

1. Write the thought down. As painful as it can be to see these thoughts on paper, it is so brave and effective. Why? When you write it down you can see how distorted the thought is; it's not you, it's the bully.
2. Talk back with facts. Break down the belief by questioning its validity. Can you find evidence for why this thought isn't true? Come up with comments that disprove it. Do you see how untrue the negative self-talk is? If not, if you still believe what the bully is saying, try the next tool.
3. Check your facts. When examining the self-talk or the situation that started it, are there any interpretations, assumptions, or judgments in the description? Is it possible there are other interpretations of the situation? What would someone who loves you say about the situation? Can you look at it from another point of view and find facts to discount the statement? Try it.

When examining my own negative self-talk I was able to see the extreme words right away which helped me talk get in a more realistic mindset. I realized that no one else in my life would say that about me. This process gets easier the more you practice it. My hope is you can begin to catch the bully in your brain before it catches you this week.