Sometimes people hurt themselves. Self mutilation. Cutting. Scarification. Pulling out eyelashes or hair. Hitting. Biting. Pinching. Starvation. Drug and alcohol abuse. Fighting. Overeating. So many ways people inflict pain on their bodies. But why? Does it mean they are suicidal? Not always, but depression is common in people who self-injure. Does it mean they like it? Not necessarily. But it can serve a purpose. And if they don’t figure out what benefit they are receiving from the pain, they may escalate and cause permanent damage.

You walk into the counselor’s office to talk about your depression. Your symptoms include fatigue, poor concentration, decreased libido, moodiness, sleep disturbance, appetite change, nervousness, disorganization, relationship conflict, irritability, poor work performance, withdrawal from others. Yep, your counselor agrees, you have symptoms of depression. The next step should be to figure out WHY you have these symptoms of depression.

Something triggers a bad day. A poor night’s sleep. Receiving bad news. Stress at work. Relationship worries. It could be anything. We would hope that if we are going to be upset, it would stick to that one trigger and we can figure it out and get over it. But it doesn’t work that way, does it? Depression is a sneaky little monster that whispers negative, depressing thoughts in your ear, feeding and fueling itself, and pretty soon you are not just thinking about what triggered you, you are spiraling, going round and round in your head about every other thing that has ever gone wrong in your life. Depression Monster wins again.

It has been nearly three weeks since my last of six ECT treatments. And I feel great! ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) may be the most controversial treatment that exists for mental illness. In my case, it was severe depression that did not respond to antidepressants and talk therapy.

My wife recently left a note by the bed that hit me right between the eyes. And it hurt. “I’m not sure what is going to make you better, maybe nothing,” she wrote. “I’m not sure what else there is out there to try. Right now, I feel like we are back in a bad place, and I am finding myself exhausted and apathetic.” It got worse.

'Tis the season to suffer from depression, but get moving and you'll survive.

Anxiety can motivate us to move faster, but left unchecked it can paralyze us.

The curtains are drawn, blocking the mid-day sun on what should be a normal work day. I’m lying in bed now, covers pulled tightly to my chest. The bed has become my haven. My mind races with terrible thoughts. I’m not sure I can do this. My stomach churns with anxiety, my eyes well up, but there are no tears. They won’t come.