Emotionally preparing for a funeral when you have depression seems next to impossible. The days I spent preparing for my grandfather's funeral had me sick and my stomach filled with dread (Coping with Loss: Bereavement and Grief). My grandfather was my buddy, teaching me tons of things from how to drive to how to bake bread and his death hit me with a wave of memories and unprocessed emotions. Preparing to attend his funeral was daunting, especially with my depression at high intensity. I'll share a couple things I learned to better help you prepare for a funeral when depressed.

My experience with depression feels cliché, which means overused, lacking originality, or stereotypical. I've been increasingly frustrated by the dull redundancy of my depression and how irritatingly cliché depression generally seems, with the same old symptoms, assumptions, misunderstandings, and stigma struggles. I feel like I need to have new symptoms and fresh issues in order to maintain my depression's validity. But the frustrating reality is that depression doesn't just seem cliché, depression is cliché. There's nothing original about it.

Apathy in depression is the feeling of indifference towards yourself, your life, and those around you (What are the Symptoms of Depression?). Apathy in depression is uncomfortable and disappointing because it makes what you once cared about seem unimportant. My love of being active and working hard has been replaced with a black hole that sucks up my emotions and desires, making me a mess of I-don’t-cares and shoulder shrugs. I fear my apathy in depression and I resent the challenges that indifference creates.

Depression requires routine to successfully cope with the illness. Because depression is not routine, it is important and beneficial to establish patterns that structure the way you live in order to combat the surprises that depression can often throw your way. I'm finding that my depression affects me more the less I follow a routine. I am less capable of bouncing back from a bad brain day; I have less control over my rapidly shifting moods; I dismiss my basic needs (Depression Does Not Eliminate Your Basic Needs). I've learned the hard way that living well with depression requires routine.

Finding comfort in depression is diffictul, but not impossible. Coping with depression is already challenging and it can seem impossible to find comfort in the depths of depression. Whether I'm seeking comfort from others or I am attempting to comfort myself, I often find myself coming up empty handed (Depression Support: Why You Need It, Where to Find It). But the challenge of finding comfort in depression is worthwhile and beneficial to coping with the illness.

Coping with depression challenges my self-control in a unique way. I have excellent self-control when I’m having a good brain day; by which I mean when my day is bright and my mind feels light and unburdened. I practice self-care even if I don’t want to and I do what I need to do without complaint. But when I’m having bad brain days and my depression is at its most extreme, my self-control disappears. I make excuses to let myself off the hook for not practicing self-care by not using self-control to properly cope with my depression.

Binge-watching television while coping with depression doesn't mix. I’ve been watching episode after episode of Shameless on Netflix this week and it’s been messing with my ability to cope with my depression. While I can easily excuse watching multiple episodes of a show in a row by calling it creative stimulation or a pleasant distraction from my mental health challenges, it’s a bad idea. Binge-watching TV stops me from moving around and accomplishing things and it works me up emotionally. I usually end up more depressed after binge-watching TV than if I have done something else. When I cope with depression, I try not to binge-watch television.

Small changes to your coping with depression habits can dramatically improve your mental health and your life experience. We often think that change has to be big and immediate, but small, long-term changes are just as effective. By incorporating a few small changes into your daily routine, you can practice creating new habits with realistic standards. Here are two small changes I have made that have improved my coping with depression.

Socializing while coping with depression is challenging. As the New Year approaches and various holiday parties ensue, I am feeling the pressures of socializing while depressed because I find this time of the year too emotionally difficult and exhausting. I wrote a couple of weeks ago about surviving the holidays while coping with depression by taking time for yourself during social engagements and doing what makes you comfortable. Here are some other things that have helped me maintain healthy social interactions while coping with depression during the holiday season.

I have recently been forced to cope with extreme anger as a symptom of depression. Not crabbiness or grumpiness or irritation--anger. Bitter rage intoxicates my brain and makes it impossible to care about anything (Confronting the Dragon: Mental Illness and Rage). I am indifferent, and I’ve never been indifferent. I cannot find enjoyment in anything, and I have always tried to find little joys. Laughter feels foreign and serenity seems like a figment of my imagination. The most infuriating part is that I have no idea why I am so angry, and the anger has created a setback in my process of coping with depression.