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Living with Schizophrenia

I have schizoaffective disorder, and my schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid to wash my hair. It's not because I hate showering, per se, although I do prefer a nice hot bath. I have long, thick hair, and it stresses me out to wait for it to dry. I hate using a blow dryer, too. Here's why schizoaffective anxiety makes me afraid when I wash my hair.
I have real problems trusting myself because I have schizoaffective disorder. which often makes me feel that I can’t trust my own mind, my own thoughts and my own decisions. It’s very scary to live this way, and it puts a lot of pressure on my friends and family because I’m always asking for their opinions and advice about seemingly trivial issues. “Do you see that stain on my shoe?”  “Do I smell weird?”
Mental health activism took the place of my political involvement because of my schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective anxiety and depression makes it hard to get politically involved, much less politically active. I don’t even watch the news anymore. Donald Trump’s election triggered my schizoaffective depression to the point where politics became a source of extreme anxiety. But I can involve myself in mental health activism.
A couple of years ago, I went running every day for help for schizoaffective disorder. I let running fall by the wayside as winter approached even though running really made me happier, more energized, and less anxious. So why doesn’t this schizoaffective gal lace back up her running shoes, and what made her stop running to begin with if running was such a great help for schizoaffective disorder?
Life is good, even with schizoaffective disorder, and I look forward to April 15 when I turn 39. I was 19 ½ when I had my first schizophrenic psychotic episode and that means I developed schizoaffective disorder half my life ago. Life is good with schizoaffective disorder now, but has it always been that way?
Sleep is my escape, and I need it because schizoaffective disorder causes so much stress in my life. I also suffer a lot from schizoaffective depression. Sleep is an escape -- like a magic getaway. I look forward to going to sleep every night.
I'm isolating myself because of schizoaffective disorder and generalized anxiety disorder because I’m simply afraid to socialize in all sorts of ways—even more recently, in support groups. Here's why I'm isolating myself.
I've been smoke-free since March of 2012—13 years after I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and 10 years after I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. It was really hard and sometimes, even six years later, it is hard to remain smoke-free with schizoaffective disorder. But I’ve been able to do it. Here’s how.
I have a schizoaffective disorder care plan for this part of winter because, a year ago in March, I completed an outpatient hospitalization program for my schizoaffective disorder. It was part of the deal I made with medical professionals after going to the ER for suicidal ideation. I learned a lot in the program and it was a positive experience, but I don’t want to do it again. Here are some things I’m doing in my schizoaffective care plan to stay out of the hospital as late winter approaches and I feel most vulnerable.
Staying sober with schizophrenia is important to me. Over a year ago, I quit drinking alcohol. I quit because it triggered my schizoaffective depression. I would get hypomanic and I would crash into a depressed mood when the wine wore off. I basically just gave it up one day and never looked back, but I do miss it from time to time. Here’s how I cope with staying sober with schizophrenia.