Raised in a mixed French and Irish household, the stove was the center of my childhood. I guess that made me predestined to be a foodie who now enjoys food, wine, cooking and baking. As I made my way through eating disorder recovery, I also found myself taking comfort in learning how to prepare most of the foods I grew up with, but used to deny myself for many years. Often, people who meet me now are a bit perplexed about how I can balance a passion for food, knowing that I struggled with an eating disorder for a number of years. I thought I’d share a little bit of how this "works."

Two years ago this fall, I took a yoga workshop which dealt with inverted positions, such as headstands. There was a point in the workshop when we were asked to do an exercise which addressed our fears. This was not at all related to eating disorders, and it wasn’t therapy, but it was a profound experience for me. I thought I'd share it with you today because it opened up my eyes and helped me deal with deep emotions which were holding me back at the time.

Though I am very public about my past experiences with an eating disorder and my recovery maintenance, it still doesn’t mean everyone I interact with knows every aspect of my past. So, sometimes, when I’m out eating with a group of people, someone will start to mention about a diet or some form of dietary restriction (e.g. vegetarian, paleo, etc.) they follow. Usually when that happens, I’ll listen with empathy if it is needed, but I will rarely engage with my own thoughts on diets and weight loss. Part of the reason for this, is that it is a different dynamic when you are in a group, rather than one-on-one, but also part of my recovery is not always making every social interaction about my food, diet, and body image.

I recently found myself on the road for work, traveling and connecting with a lot of people and, therefore, creating wonderful memories with them. When I had a quiet moment to myself, while waiting at the airport, I came across an article written by a celebrity. The article was her first-hand account of a long battle with her eating disorder. Of course, I felt compelled to read it once I got through the first few lines and realized what it was about.

One of the most important actions to be taken in eating disorder recovery is to talk back and say ‘No’ to the voice in your mind, while fighting against the disease. My co-author Jess pointed this out in last week’s post. Of course, this is easier said than done, and I can only empathize with you if you find yourself struggling with it, since it's a situation I had to go through, and still experience at times when I’m having a rough day trying to maintain my eating disorder recovery.

I often say, and write, that my eating disorder never defined me, not its diagnosis, nor the stigma attached to suffering through the illness. Even today, I'm open about the fact that I deal with food anxiety and no, I'm not ashamed of that either.

Not a day goes by without me feeling grateful about being able to share with you on this blog my lived experience with an eating disorder. The concept of giving back to others who stand where I once stood makes me very happy and truly helps me maintain my recovery.

One of the major adjustments I've had to deal with in the last 6 years since I've started recovery from bulimia, has been to accept and love how my body looks and feels without abusing it the way I did for years. Because I suffered from bulimia and not anorexia, it was easier to hide at the time that I was suffering from an eating disorder, because I still looked 'normal' and maintained almost the same weight for a few years.

I recently found myself doing quite a bit of traveling for work and being sleep deprived due to layovers, long flights and work related events. Inevitably, when it seems like my life is going too fast, I start feeling nervous about my food intake.

In the context of peer support, I'm often asked about what eating disorder recovery means to me and how I 'got' here. Basically, I'm asked to sort of summarize the most important thoughts I went through while battling the disease; or now, looking back on it. I'm happy to share with you readers some of my most personal truths discovered along the way; things I know for sure about myself and about what my recovery was like, and also in regards to how I feel about my history with bulimia.