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When our family fell down what I think of as the "rabbit hole" of mental health treatment, there were two things I most wanted: information and companionship. I wanted to understand the illness and treatments, and I wanted not to feel alone.
I couldn’t get to sleep last night. My mind was too full. I’m planning to go back to school and there is so much to do. There’s the financial aspect, there’s what I’m going to do with the girls, there’s applications and FAFSA’s to fill out. My biggest worry, though, is whether or not I can do it. Am I capable enough to go back to school and be successful despite my bipolar? Is it possible to even be making these plans not knowing if my bipolar disorder is going to be under control enough to do it? I’m not getting any younger. If I want to enter the work force and become a mental health advocate, I need to do it soon or I’ll regret it.
I never thought I would become a full-time mental health activist, but during my daughter’s recovery from anorexia nervosa I was shaken by the lack of science-based information and support for caregivers of this disease. I remember, even in my despair, believing that it didn’t need to be that difficult and frightening to find good care.
I absolutely must stop people pleasing. I'm stressed right now because I am in a situation where I have to make a decision that no matter how I slice it, I am going to disappoint someone. Because much of my anxiety revolves around the fear of being judged by others, this is really be stressful and triggers much anxiety. I am what you call a people-pleaser, and I need to stop it.
ADHD type behavior has a long history of not quite fitting with the label applied to it. Now there's talk of a new label. What does it all mean?
I put my plants out on the sill to enjoy the sunshine while I haven’t glanced, but a few times, at the sunlight. I’ve lost the bounce that I had yesterday. I don’t know where it went. The Lithium has calmed down. It will probably be that way for awhile until it settles into nothingness and I’ll once again have to increase it in the dream that it will achieve bipolar stability. Oh, if it wasn’t for the damn shakes, I would be stable right now! If I increased my Geodon, I would feel as close to normal as I’ve felt since before my diagnosis. But, instead, I’m trying to slowly increase my Lithium. Please bring me bipolar stability without the shakes!
It is said by those in the know that adults with ADHD have a low tolerance for frustration leading to road-rage. That they are impatient and quickly prone to think "Oh, no! Here we go again!" Then they either withdraw, or get behind a wheel and take their anger out on the world like I used to do. I say "used to" because my mother reads this and we wouldn't want her to get the wrong idea. My daughters on the other hand . . . well, it's too late for them. My frustration and road rage is an event that just can't hide.
Over the years of struggling with anxiety and panic attacks, I have gone through many learning experiences and trials. For a long time, I tried to keep up appearances that my life was perfect and I could handle anything. In panicky situations, I would sort of lie to people by telling them I wasn’t feeling well but never really explained why. Or I would just leave. After years of “not feeling well” at family gatherings, people started coming up with their own conclusions. This only made things worse.
I haven’t felt like the best bipolar me in over two weeks. The Lithium finally kicked in and I was sick. I was nauseous after my night time meal and so drowsy during the day that I could barely keep my eyes open. I let it continue for two weeks. I thought that I just had to get used to it. Fortunately, I got tired of it and decided to do a little research. I found some information on Lithium and nausea that suggested that I split up my dosage into morning and night instead of just dosing at night. The results were amazing. I started to become the best bipolar me.
Amanda_HP
Raising a child is hard enough. Having a child with an addiction can be a living hell; a nightmare of constant heartache and worry. This week, on the HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show, we're focusing on parents of addicts - what they do right, wrong, and how to draw the line in helping an addicted child (teen or adult).
I read this book many years ago, just as I was entering the turmoil of remembering, questioning and doubting myself all the way (as I'd been covertly taught over a lifetime). I happened to mention to my two sisters one day, "This is so strange but I've been diagnosed with PTSD." Both my sisters surprised me by responding, "Me too."
THEN I happened upon an old book manuscript that my now deceased father had written (not published), wherein the protagonist was obviously based upon himself and he rapes his "fiancee," who had my unusual name. Yes, truly.
Then I made myself look at the peculiar memory I always had where he violently threatened me but somehow I had never been able to recall what came before or after the episode. I had to admit that was a bit strange.
The pressures and powers to forget sexual abuse are great, both in family and society. In fact, I've come to the sad conclusion that the vast majority of survivors never really deal with their childhood wounds (a neglect for which there are always repercussions).
To critique an encouragement of people trusting their intuition in such matters is really getting the prescription dangerously wrong.
Thanks!