Being bipolar and living with my mind everyday is so exhausting. Everyday is a battle for me. Doing simple things like getting sleep or getting up in the morning are huge accomplishments for me. I am prescribed medications but I do not take them properly. I take them sporadically and the times I'm not taking them, im doing awful drugs like meth. I feel so crazy that I have come to the point in seeing no reason to not feel crazy. I feel so hopeless that I see no reason to try and help myself. I feel like my brain will never experience peace, that I deserve this struggle and pain in some way, that I don't deserve to feel even just okay. I cancel on my therapist everytime, I get so lost in my head. I constantly feel confused, almost as if I have no idea what's going on at all around me.. or where I'm even going.. or how I even got to a place I am at. Its all because my head will never calm, it goes on and on and on.. forever. I can't even think straight, I can't even process a thought before I have a billion more unprocessable thoughts. I feel like a clown, like I am a walking joke and it's all my fault that I am. It's all my fault. I feel like a freak and that no one will ever understand me, I can't even understand myself. I feel like I am so many different people and then other times I feel nothing at all. Absolutely nothing.. then I feel like I am feeling every possible thing to feel ever. I feel like I'm feeling so much of everything that I feel nothing. Then I just feel nothing.. then I feel everything. It never ends. I am so tired. I cry all the time because my mind won't stop or calm or be still even for a second and the harder I try to feel calm the angrier I get because I can't feel calm. I drive myself insane trying to feel sane. Imagine being in a room that is endless, no walls.. never ending like space.. thats nothing but the color white. A bright, annoying white that SCREAMS THAT IT'S WHITE! Imagine being stuck in this endless, white room with a piercing, high pitch noise that won't stop and it starts to become so unbearable that you want nothing more than for it to STOP. But it just gets louder and louder , to the point you go crazy to try and make it stop. You begin running and running, to find where its coming from or running in an attempt to escape the noise. Running and running to the point of complete exhaustion, realizing you havent gotten anywhere, realizing there is no going anywhere. Youre stuck, no way free.. with this never ending noise. Suddenly you find yourself curled up in a ball on the floor, covering your ears.. "please stop , please stop, please stop". Eventually giving in, accepting that there is no end to this tourcture, this hell .sooner or later you find yourself laughing hysterically because it's drove you so insane that you've begun to like it. That is how I would describe living with bipolar disorder. God can't even help me.

Oh my god, I've never heard it explained so accurately. I get thoughts yelled at me all the time, especially when my meds aren't working as well as I need them to or if I accidentally miss one. I also get the repetitive phrases, which sometimes turn into somebody singing something over and over and over. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

I hurt myself- when I cook my mind Tells me to hurt myself- I always have bad thoughts- I can't tell anyone what's going on in my brain, I am tired of yelling and crying, I isolate myself from friends and family I am so tired of living like this/ sounds drive me crazier people talking a ball bouncing I am so tired of taking pills to sleep

Loud thoughts, I could talk and about my crazy but probably just annoying thoughts! You are the first person that's ever said that! I it's like someone screaming at me but it's my voice I hear. I hate being mean to myself but sometimes it's uncontrollably.
Thanks

Loud thoughts

Hello there, I have the same moods Steve so accurately described and initially I blamed it on me for being unmotivated, cold, lazy and saw the thoughts as motives to push me forward. It's unbelievable how much these thoughts can lower your self-esteem; you can get from being confident to being unsure, to lose your words, to shy away from people, to crawl inside, to try every morning to find a balance, your balance and when you seem to finally have found it to meet the outside wall...to overthink, to push that safe feeling back and re-start...every day, feeling either the king of the universe or a tormented soul...going in circle....concentrate on anything else than what seems to matter for the real world...or being finally present and enjoying it for a couple of moments before you get back inside the cozy shell...
I do not open myself easily, but I couldn't believe my eyes reading Steve's confession...it's 100% what I experience on a daily basis...so thanks for sharing. I do hope that meanwhile you're closer to finding that inner balance..

STEVE- I read every word of your 2 posts Oct 30th. I felt as though I were the one writing that word for word. I need to know how to calm and stop it all. I even signed up for this website just to see if there is any cure. I dont have hope and faith. Those are pretend words to make others feel better and I know the only way to be happy is to only count on myself.

I read every word of your questions and thoughts.

Hi, my name is Racheal Ann Bailey. I live in Chisago city Minnesota. I am very over board it seems with diagnosises. I'm almost alwYs in a struggle with my mind. I don't know why my meds don't do the trick. But Im always talking in my head to some entity. An almost all times. Then I'll go on and think oh it's all God..god I just want to be in peace. Then I'll go on a rampage talking to god...then someone else talked then there god. And I believe off the wall things. Like..oh never mind...I just want to quit talking all the time in my head. It never ends. I'm suicidal. I take ten pills in the morning and five at night and a shot of invaga sastena once a month. And I'm still. Being drove crazy. Maybe I need shocks. Maybe I am suppose to kill myself. I live in an adult foster home. Maybe I'm suppose to go threw hell to get to the best heaven there is. Wow! I see a doctor psychiatrist who provides me meds. Her name is Beth Good..she works at alot of places. She is a good doctor. I meet her in anoka Minnesota at C.O.R. I'm It. Doesn't meant my life should be take from me. Am i pozest? Do I need an exrosysom? Whatever. I need help. When I'm done with this. My my brain screams again
Some one help me:(

I'm curious how many of us are having a difficult time letting go of something whether is be toxic family or someone accepting you for who you truly are?
I recently discovered that I have to let go of my toxic family, and it hasn't been easy. Each day bounces around like a roller coaster for me. One day I'm fine and almost happy, and the next I'm depressed as hell. I'm having somewhat of a mock funeral in my mind daily because I know that the exhausting efforts on my part never return normal healthy behavior on my family's part.
Normally I would love family, but in this case there's not much left to love. Most strangers' families have treated me better. The hardest part is that my mind is non-stop reminding me, "You're alone now. Just you. The rest of them are too toxic. Conditional family love isn't worth fighting for." And, I can't seem to break free from the depression of it all.
I've tried and tried communicating with them, and my feelings are immediately converted into them being victimized. I don't feel that the only solution is accepting that "this is the way life is (with us)." It doesn't matter how bad my situation is or how much I need support, they will always be worse off needing more attention than I. I've realized the only solution is permanently exiting the toxic situation, family or not.
I'm guessing that the "new family" that I make will cure all of this.

Does anyone else feel like they continually take a step forward and fall backwards two steps? Some days I feel like I'm on top of the world, and the next day I feel like a strange serial killer who hates everyone around me. I have read so many articles, posts and studies on depression, mood disorders, bipolar, etc recently. This morning, one of those Top 10 lists of 'How to be Happy' popped in my head. The phrase, "Do things that make you happy" is the one that I cannot seem to answer most of the time. I feel like society is one big "Please everyone else but yourself" scenario. The minute I stop conforming to societal rules and acting all sweet and genuinely kind to all others is when others treat me like an asshole. When I am taking care of myself and truly in a happy mood, others seem to vacuum the happy energy from me within minutes. My sister calls these people "Energy Vampires", but I think she got the term from me.
It just seems that lately every single person I run into is an energy vampire. Everyone is depressed or angry. I am rarely around people that are smiling and truly happy. This probably explains why I'm always depressed, with minor mood changes to happy that are short-lived. There are several times throughout the weeks that I imagine living alone again for the sake of my sanity.
I am and always have been the sweetest, kindest and most generous guy on the planet. But most recently, people anger me hourly. I'm just curious if others that may or may not think they're bipolar have these varying tendencies of loving people and then later hating them. I'm seriously starting to think that instead of being bipolar, I might be an Empath.
I ordered breakfast today in the cafeteria and watched a troll looking kitchen aid wander around behind the cooks. He truly was hunched over and went about his duties refilling hot food items. The cooks treated him poorly. He appears to be late forties age, maybe just over fifty years old. But, I stood there waiting for my order completely dazed, staring at him and saddened as if I were watching Cinderella as she was being mocked by the mean stepsisters. I could easily sense that this guy has been treated extremely awful his entire life, and the emotions swept through me so much that my stomach started hurting. I felt like crying for this guy just from the look on his face.
This kind of thing happens to me almost daily. I might be in a great mood, and minutes later after observing mean people treat someone awful I begin to almost cry inside. My stomach turns, and I quickly become depressed that we live in such a cold, cruel world.
Does anyone else experience anything similar often?

By the way, I still have crazy loud and/or speeding thoughts running through my head. But, I have discovered that using sarcasm and humor with myself in my head helps me love myself that much more because it's fun and hilarious. My boss states the obvious to me, and inside my head I'm saying, "Wow, some lady gets to spend her evenings with your brilliant mind. Poor girl."

I have recently had huge success in improvement. I stumbled upon that Sigmund Freud saying, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
And yes, I was surrounded by nothing but assholes. I had to reinvent myself and make ME my best friend again; the person I was before I met all the assholes surrounding me on a daily basis. This includes family. I recalled as a child that I was very happy just playing all alone with my toys or coloring books. I rarely needed friends. I'm not recommending anyone be a homebody loner. But, being my own best friend again has made significant reductions in the amount of negative thoughts running through my head. The world around me immediately got brighter.
In addition, if you have any burning things you'd like to say to anyone close to you, you should do it right now. Tell them everything that's on your mind immediately. It is the most freeing feeling in the world. It is as exhilarating as riding a roller coaster once you let it all off your chest. The fear of what others will say about you causes stress. In fact, all fear causes stress. Pull the Band-Aid and blurt out your feelings. Learn to live alone and enjoy yourself. The less you rely on others, the more freedom you'll have to free those shoulders of the heavy burden of concern for others. And yes, you with the alcoholic parent that has always always avoided confrontation your entire life can do it, if I can. Get rid of every toxic person close to you. That doesn't mean burn bridges. But, if your best friend is toxic then maybe they should be placed on the bottom of the friend list until you are happier. Living alone can be fun.
And finally, I have Google'd every single emotion, insecurity, mental disorder and symptom anyone can imagine. I stumbled upon an article that explains how testosterone affects intelligence and vice versa. Basically, it was suggesting that most men that have extremely high levels of testosterone are less intelligent. How does this relate to what we experience? It doesn't directly. But, a side effect of exercising daily is increased testosterone. And, this can reduce the amount of "thinking" going on in our heads. Believe me, it worked. I immediately started working out again at the gym, and now I can relax once in a while.

Really appreciate all of these comments and sharing, this helps me so much it's incredible. I want to share in hopes of helping someone too.
I have a very heavy mind and honestly think of diagnoses terms as a guide for fixing bad habbits and eliminating genetic or childhood "demons" but not as a permanent disease like others embed into their identity. I suffer from extreme intrusive thoughts, OCD, mild personality disorder symptoms, racy mind(I call it the swarm ha),echoed thoughts for months, self sabotaging criticism, suicidal fantasies(really a yearn for escape and peaceful mind) constant identity analyse and depression. I am biased to my own human experiment and there are a lot of factors that I believe contribute to ones potential mental illness.
Through my experiments and study I feel like the biggest things to look at are your habits, when you take away all the habits that dont contribute to your ideal self, then you can determine whats you and whats just the side affects of a chronic habit.
I believe that in the end of things this method will give you an honest and clear idea of what you really need to do to get your head straight, as in dont need the drugs hopefully now that your work out/do yoga/hike or whatever helps give you focus and a consistent mental reset.
If I work out and take care of myself(aka building something for my mind to be proud of/make a consistent self esteem and confidence foundation), get 6-9 hours of sleep, eat low sugar/fried oil high brain food meals, get sunlight, have low amount of phone/Tv/video games/news/internet/ use, gain self control of procrastination/mind warping habbits like weed/online shopping/pornography, have some one to talk to (Therapist and an open minded friend).
Ive had times when Im doing all those little things and each one is a drop into the bucket of a mellow mind, you can aid the mind in so many ways, everyone is different. But be real with yourself, if you sit in a room for years, arnt active, eat poorly, and just stare at a screen in various forms like the majority of humans these days youre not going to be very prepared for the battle in the mind. We are all warriors fighting for peace. When youre strong and at your potential through willpower and patience the battle is a lot easier. But dont forget, even "normal" minded people fight the battle at some point. We just get a taste sooner and more often.
In the lowest lows self improvement advice can mean nothing and we lose focus, the biggest thing to remember is that when the swarm comes back even though youre working hard to rid yourself of it and its full force racing in your head and nothing can fix or calm it, to remember that it will pass no matter what, the heart beating will slow, and your can get right back to the agenda of re wiring you brain and being happy, just snap your fingers in your mind and say focus, back to it Ive got this.
Hope my rant helps. Ive always considered suicide to hush the mind, but I want to work hard and empower myself and others to thrive using their untapped strength.

I have been struggling myself for what feels like an eternity. I've always known that something is wrong with me. I have never aced exams or received 4.0 scores in my life, but it seems I practically outperform every individual I've ever met in my life. It's almost as if I feel like I have to race through life 100mph faster than everyone else just to survive. I'm not certain what caused what first; the fast thoughts caused the fast actions or vice versa. I am often bored to tears with most conversations with people and screaming inside my head "please hurry up!". I barely have the patience to listen to a therapist because I can determine the later half of their sentences by the look in their eyes. This website is a true new friend to me. Just knowing there are others out there that have racing thoughts through their heads non-stop makes me feel less alone now. I have had insomnia most of my life. Try getting asleep at night with all these thoughts, right. What's weird is that noise effects me something strange, though. That industrial like trance music with exactly the same fast repetitious beat almost make each half of my brain ache and pull at each other. The noise of a vacuum cleaner actually physically pains me, but of course I've learned to use headphones or loud music to mask these things. The hardest thing for me most of my life is remembering my past being so dark, and then realizing that most of it was the part in my head. I'm depressed in the mornings, by lunch I'm almost sociable and normal, and by evenings I want to go dancing or something but just an hour later so exhausted. I'm always tired and rarely get sleep. I'm very defensive about every little comment people have. I have forced myself to not care what others think anymore because in my head I'm practically strangling them until their face is purple for saying one constructive comment about me. I hold grudges forever with people that have wronged me, often yelling and screaming at them in my head as they walk by me. Sometimes I worry that I've said things out loud. I feel like there are certain times throughout the day where my mind is going 1000mph and everyone around me is still at 10mph. It bores me to tears to be a part of conversations these days; often yelling in my head things like "you are such an idiot; talk faster you cow!" Watching someone be rude often evokes an image in my head much like that of a horror movie where I'm stabbing them in the eyes with their own stupid ink pen used to write their dumb checks with in the grocery line. I have had thoughts of being a serial killer and killing myself. Then, the next day I'm a damn angel and everyone loves me. My moods swing like huge ocean waves before a hurricane, and there's no controlling my thoughts most times of the day. The slightest things can set me off. Someone comments about the weather and how they forgot their umbrella today, and I'm yelling in my head "oh you poor little bastard. I feel SO sorry for you, you pampered piece of crap! Shut the hell up you whiner!" I've suffered so much in my life because I've realized that all the usual stress everyone else goes through in college and military was multiplied by 1000 for me. I'm surprised that I'm not already in a mental hospital with the amount of stress I've survived all on my own. My family is as toxic as it gets, with a mean drunk for a father. My mother is as co-dependent as it gets. Anytime one of us kids complains about our issues her defense is "oh your father and I did a great job, grow up." So, I have realized I'm alone on this planet. I have a boyfriend; don't really want to go there. But, life has been a rollercoaster ride with SEVERE ups and downs. I wish I could learn how to relax. It's the number one thing that all therapists have tried with no success. I have taken many prescription drugs. Some made me fat, others made me suicidal, some made me absolutely 1000 times worse. Now I just forcefully control my every thought, and I'm getting super exhausted. There are days where I wish I could pull the brain plug just to take a relaxing nap. Naps are impossible for me; been so my entire life.

This website is amazing!

Hey everyone not sure if I have any symptoms. But I actually do however manage to have Loud thought. in my reference started with my anxiety going severe and I also have OCD intrusive, and Mental Health OCD. Well One day my panic attack was hitting hard, and all you know is I felt like I can hear my own thoughts. Like i can say it is my voice. I have no delusion nor weird way of thinking. I am in therapy and well honestly I have a fear of Schizophrenia and bipolar due to I have done research. I am a huge worrier and fearful of these phrases "what if I have schizophrenia or bi-polar?" or "what if these thoughts become auditory hallucinations?" these "what if" thoughts scare me. Like why must I stress myself. I have never been diagnosed Schizophrenia nor Bi-Polar my therapist says these are fears in reference to OCD related. I'm sorry I don't intend on calling anyone names, nor do I suppose to be cruel. Just these thoughts scare me sometimes and I enter a full blown panic attack. the thoughts seem normal calm and very suttle. But when I feel I heard my own Voice inside my own Head I'm like "woe did i just hear myself, i think i did" and then my mind sends PANIC ALERTS? is this anxiety stricken or Bi Polar? is this panic attacks or bi polar? just curious

My bipolar thoughts are not intelligent, they are like spam mail. They repeat a lot
and some times I hear voices , crashes and bangs. No visual intrusions.
Bill

I have been having a problem with a mixture of the loud yelling thoughts and the crowded thoughts. It feels like there is so much yelling in my head at once. I can't understand what any of them are yelling at me, and when it happens everything feels off. I feel like I'm not supposed to be doing all of the stuff I try to do during it. Can anyone shed some light on this? It's been happening for a few weeks now and I'm pregnant.....

My meds have helped a lot with my racing thoughts. I journal my thoughts a lot because it helps me focus. I also listen to audio books, rather than trying to read. Sometimes I listen to them twice so that I can make sure I got the information. I meet with other ladies for support as well as my doctors. It is good to be with like minded people.

Your definition of "loud thoughts" differs from mine. What I call loud thoughts are generally non-repetitive, they're just every single thought I have during the experience being amplified as if I were in some sort of emergency situation, but at normal speed, like;
"TIME TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, DON'T FORGET THE TOILET PAPER. WHAT AM I GONNA HAVE TO EAT TONIGHT?! HMM, MAYBE I'LL ORDER A PIZZA!!!"
It's kind of like having an adrenaline rush without the adrenaline or the speed. There's an intensity to them that's mildly disturbing.

So many conversations replay in my mindset would they say that? Why are they so mean? How could I just stand there and take it? What could I say about it I cannot defend myself social anxiety. What I can say next time. What their reaction be? I feel horrible about how I did or didn't handle a conversation. Help!!!

I take seroquel for schizoaffective bipolar type. It helps immensely for the redundant, rapid thoughts.

My thought are so loud at times and so fast I get literally get a migraine and even then I can't turn them off. My family is always saying, Mom you didn't say it, you just thought it and I honestly don't know if they are right. I just want silence and I wish with all my being I could just breathe in my mind.

I was recently diagnosed with BP2 disorder.When hypomanic i think A lot and i get very obsessive and indecisive, i get be extremely seductive,i can seduce anybody,to the point that i can predict what the other person is thinking about me and what is going to say next,i have every answer possible in my head at the second the question is asked,words are not enugh ti explain it but im always 100% in controll of all my thughts and i can focus all my thinking into anything i want.sometimes my brain is so hungry for new ideas that i can feel like i can do anything but i never loose controll somehow,honestly even when im depressed i just slow my thinking down and i focus more on emotions and love i never think about doing stuff,and i always get very irritable and snappy but i always control it by thinking to my self, im just hypo relax...and also im a christian very devoted so i never get too mad or loose controll or do weird stuff.My brain has been on every posible emotion a person can go thrugh seriously,ive been depresed for a very long time and many times ive lost contact with reality.I have figured that i am ALWAYS in controll of my hypomanias and if i chanel them corectly i can literaly do anything and seduce everybody,i can be extremely talented at a thing if i want to! And then it usualy happens very fast, depression is the thing i am most scared and afraid it fills my mind with negative thughts and emotions i feel extremely guilty for things in the past (thats why i never loose control and sin when im hypo).I get extremely anxious and sometimes foggy thinking and all sorts of weird stuff.My world view changes dramaticaly and i see all the imperfections in peoples thinking and that makes me irritable and angry,i sometimes hear things and my brain becomes completely blocked to the point it shuts down and i feel dead.Music helps me alot when depressed it feels like a drug sometimes and it seduces me and changes my visual world.Ok, one thing im shure all the thughts emotions and feelings a normal person has,a bipolar person experiences them much more intensively and much deepely,sometimes for longer periods of time and sometimes much faster. The most scary thing with bipolar disorder 2 is not being able to control the length of my depression and the intensity of it,i whould love my life to have a pattern of happines like everyone else,feeling stable is the best feeling ever that normal people need to embrace.

Bi polar

Hi I am new to having birthday polar but I have thoughts of wanting to hurt some one..this person snores so annoying, I hate heading it, can't sleep because this person snores every time I hear it I get so frustrated....urg......

I have a constant fear of something I thought that would be very upsetting if the thought is true. I don't see how to eliminate the thought. I don't have any evidence that it is true, but I can't make it go away. I have been diagnosed with Bi-Polar and know that thoughts can be irrational. How do I deal with this?

I liked all of the blogs that had been written & could relate to all of them in some way I to now know I suffer from Bi-polar disorder. Have been through some very rough trots myself & can't thank you enough for this website it has helped me greatly start to see through other people's thoughts that that I'm not the only one thanks again
Anthony

Whenever I have an idea to do or plan something, it's like my body can't catch up with my thoughts and it's like I can't move fast enough for my brain. Like, if it's something on my phone, if my phone is taking over 5 seconds to load something my hands will shake and sweat and i'll be whispering "COME ON!" to myself and get enraged. Is this a sign of bipolar disorder?

Bipolar thought is alot like the writting form "stream of conciousness", where you start with one word, and end up at another that popped into your head, which is usually an offshoot from the idea or concept behind the first word.
Like, you may start with "money" and follow with;
Central banks
Backed by nothing
Profit Off Interest
Debt
crippled economy
economic hitmen
john perkins
IMF
capitalism
Poverty
wealth
gap of classes
karl marx
communism
red
Vladamir Lenin
Stalin
Fascism
Warsaw Pact
(These are very related to the starting word, but not all racing thoughts are totaly disconnected)
The thing is, all this happens in the brain in under 60 seconds for a bipolar; the thoughts just cannot be matched by the speed of the tongue, and the whirlwind rages on.
#DopamineIsPower
Sources: Im Bipolar

Littlet -
It is absolutely not just in your head (so to speak!) and noone will laugh at you, only try to help. Asking for help is one of the bravest and most difficult things you can do, it is for a lot of people. I found it hard myself, but what I've learned is that asking for the right kind of help can be life changing.
Different things work for different people. Therapy works well for some (I had great success with the right therapist - though I had to get through 3 to find him); medication works for some, whether long or short term (I tried an array and personally they made me worse, so be cautious but consider it as an option if need be); yoga and meditation works wonders for any crowded mind, it's difficult at first and persistent thoughts can still come in to crowd you even after a lot of practice, but it gets easier to quiet them and then you're more prepared to deal with them the rest of the day (yoga had worked wonders for me and it's tangibly noticeable when I skip it for a few days- give it a go, you never know).
In fact look up a woman called Jen Hillman on YouTube and find a simple video from her for back stretches or something easy, to get you started. If you're anything like me you'll be addicted in no time.
It may also sound silly to some, but I have found sanctuary in herb. I drink Earl Grey tea and really inhale the aroma (bergamot is a known mood enhancer and extremely relaxing), take baths with Epsom salts and lavender oils (or anything relaxing). Just take the time to love yourself, it won't cure you, but it sure as hell helps to let that brain unwind and process with no other input, as often as possible, in as many ways as possible.
The most important thing is to know than you're in control of what help you seek and what you accept. I thought asking for help meant doing everything the doctor told me, but that's wrong, your doctor can only give you one perspective.
Good luck and take care of yourself x

I think I suffer from bi-polar, but I'm not sure or maybe I don't want to admit it. As it scares me. I've never been one to ask for help when I need it, and I think I've had this disorder for a while. I think it was triggered when I was 13, I suffered from anorexia. I noticed my thoughts were irrational every now and then. I'd feel down one minute and great the next. But in the last 2 years my anorexia has become almost none existent. But since then my thoughts and the way I think has changed. I was just crying for about 20 minutes because I was worrying. But I can't even remember what I was worrying about. This has gotten to the stage where it has become average to have 'thoughts' atleast a handful of times a day. I'm super happy one minute and then lower than ever the next. I have also mentioned suicide in several episodes I have had. Particularly again since my anorexia has calmed down. I am controlling my eating disorder with the means I feel nessesary, but I think those means have made my 'thoughts' spiral out of control. I don't want want to see a gp. I'm terrified of them. I don't want to hear all the bad things they have to say about me.
Also the going over conversations that haven't happened yet is a big struggle for me right now.
I need help and everytime I think about going to the doctors I panic. And chicken out. I'm scared it's all in my head and I'll be laughed at.
Confused, scared and alone.

when i went to their home today, my son was not there and his wife could not let me in and seemed to pensive. I need a bipolar support group. I have to find a way to help because he seems to getting back to that "paranoid" stage he was at before and it did not turn out well. I need suggestions because i will not do what i did before which was asked for the asistance of the CIT (Crises Intervention Team). who got spooked when they arrived at their home and reacted instead of following their proactive plan. consequently, this contributed more to my sons psychotic episode and made him even more paranoid. I need a support group. I need to be talking to someone. Please help with some good and sound advice if you can.

Please help! I have a 28 year old son who is bipolar and is again believing that everyone is against him. He has alienated our whole family, except for my daughter for which i am grateful but i have a 2 year old grand daughter that he wont let me see and he also has a wife who has a debilitating disease. "Their phones are again off (purposefully) so no one can contact them but what is worse, they have no means of contacting anyone, should they need help for any reason. I am looking for ways to help my son and his family - ways to open up the lines of communication

Before I get on medicine or have an episode my thoughts get eradic and I have many conflicting thoughts extreme paranoia. I find myself arguing with myself and so many thoughts that are useless and negative that I dont want but I cant help. I put myself so far down in the dirt that I cant pick myself up and end up having a breakdown.

If only I could think like "normal" people. If only I could think even 1 thought that other people could understand (or just pretend to)! Everyone else's brain is so simple and straightforward. The way I try to describe what's inside mu head is...its like a ball of string has been pulled out of my head, unravelled, scrunched back up, tangled into massive knots and replaced back inside my skull-along with the 366 little (but very loud) people! They sound really cute don't they??? Those little people, but, no, they can't be trusted like everything else in life. They'll all start on 1 at the same time. Controlling every thought, idea, worry I have, trying to confuse me more than I already am. None of them help me now. It was so different in the olden days. I used to love to hear stories from my grandpa. Why can't I think and remember any good things? Why do they only let me keep bad thoughts and memories? Pumping pumping pumping...asking asking asking...shouting shouting shouting...banging banging banging...CONSTANTLY. I want to know what peace and quiet is...or do I? I'm pretty scared of that. Scared of being ALONE. At least all 366 of these little people make sure i'm never alone. I wonder....will they go take over someone else's brain when I die? How would they get there? Do they only go to useless people? To help them? Constantly laughing at me, coz i'm so f**ked up.Everyone.what is today gonna bring? STOP ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS LYNNE. Igive up Lynne!x

Wow, just been reading these posts and many over the past few weeks as for many years now I have I think been in denial that perhaps there is something not quite right mentally going on.
I can relate to so much of what I have read and feel a little less alone and confused just reading that it's not just me. But still wonder if Imagining it all.
The racing thoughts are like having bouncy balls in my head and the hyper activity is very distracting as although I'm faster and full of energy I'm not actually able to stick to any one thing.
I've never spoken to anyone or looked into this to much but I think maybe it's time I did.

I found this post because its dawned on me that my thought patterns are not normal. There is so much chatter in my mind that (like another posted said) it makes it hard for me to read, or concentrate on the things I'm meant to be doing. I zone out when people are talking to me to have a little think. I get edgy when I've been around people for too long and haven't had my thinking time.
These aren't sinister thoughts or anything but I massively over-think things until I find I'm thinking about thinking about thinking... You name it, I'll think about it. Snippets of conversations can kick around my brain for days, years... and if something bothers me, I'll stew till I'm sick to death of stewing. My thoughts can be quite rapid and bounce quickly from topic to topic. This can help sometimes - I'm a good problem solver because I can see all the possibilities at once; I'll think about the things no one else will think about and i'll weight them up faster to get to the solution. But in terms of life in general it's becoming a problem. I don't know if this is bipolar or not. I really just liked the way you had written about it and expressed it so well.

When it comes to lording over another inmate here, it just doesn't belong. Your not the boss here and neither is she. You (nameless) sound like some one I used to know. She'd write on a bipolar forum under many assumed names, then answer herself, to either chastise one of her own characters, (anonymously) or to compliment one of her better personalities and writings profusely. She needed attention SO badly, she was writing scores of fake posts, all thru the day, changing her story lines, but truly and desperately begging for attention, nevertheless. I found out later she was borderline, and I jumped ship on that place. I learned that-that's a horrible place to be mentally and I was too fragile to take or hear the abuse with her unfamiliar, unwarranted anger and lording. She HAD to be right or she'd not eat. She'd follow you around under one of her alias' just to publicly berate you, if you had a different opinion. The moderator would kick her (one of her) off frequently, but back she'd come under another name. "No" or "leave" wasn't in her vocabulary. I knew nothing about BPD but do now, and when I see a bipolar woman -name calling, I get flash backs. If anyone reading this is BPD, take a deep breath if you feel like going 'off' on anyone. Try to follow the suggestions your therapist has given you. I have seen what damage you can cause and it's not fair to bipolar people. I say this kindly- trying very hard to understand the way you act or think but defending other 'bipolar only' people with their way of thinking. We are a different illness altogether. If you are co-morbid w/ bipolar you have my sympathies, it must be terribly rough for you. These are my intrusive thoughts du jour. Those darn triggers.

QUOTE FROM GIGI ABOVE:
"Gigi Marsten says:
...You definitely should be on medication. I’m exhausted just reading that. Take care."
Yeah I agree she needs medication and YOU Gigi need to get off your medication --you know the BITCH pills you must be popping daily? Because Gigi you sound like SUCH a bitch!

I have bipolar, adhd, and ocd--so thoughts or lack thereof are a constant battle in one form or another.
I have confusion/no thoughts/jumbled head without my adhd medication. It thankfully just slows everything down so I can make one decision step by step.
I have racing thoughts, but they're too fast to be discern-able with the exception of one, which is like a hammer in my brain. This is my mixed state, because it's constant.
I have negative, critical thoughts which are usually repetitive and basically a constant commentary on what I'm doing and how I should be doing it differently, or something else, or anything critical.
I have anxiety thoughts, that are often racing and/or repetitive. They're worrying thoughts. "What if? I can't. But." etc. It also involves me working out conversations before they happen as well. Or rehashing conversations in the back of my head, though that would probably fall better under the negative thoughts. Anxiety thoughts are among my hardest. They're also obsessive and come with a compulsive need to fix whatever the anxiety thought is.
I have intrusive, usually violent, thoughts. Trying to make these go away or overly correct them does not help; it only makes it worse.
I have spontaneous and random thoughts just like anybody else; I tend to get excited over mine.
It is necessary to "talk back" to the negative, critical thoughts to a certain extent. To counter it or to reframe what I'm seeing as a problem more positively.
The two worst types are the jumbled/confused and manic racing. The intrusive violent ranks right in there too. They're all no fun.
I do have positive thoughts too!!! By choice, I create those.

My thoughts come so fast my mouth won't keep up with my brain. I am up now at 4a cleaning because of the racing thoughts. So hard to Control