Share Your Depression Story to Heal

Hi I'm Jayleen and I'm a minor, living with Depression as only a teen is very difficult as people don't take me seriously when I say I have it. They usually just say I want attention. But lately, it's gotten worse, I've been feeling very suicidal and I don't talk about it nor want to. And no it's not going to get better. My mom and dad lecture me a lot about life and lately, I've been feeling very worthless and not good enough especially when they compare me to my goody tooshie all-A's sister. It's like everyone would strive and do better without me and life seems so perfect without me, and when I'm around my friends and teachers at school I act like a whole different person, I'm happier, bubbly, sweet, outgoing, and extroverted. It's like I'm wearing a mask and when I take it off I turn into the person I was before, a nobody. I can't keep thinking like this if I do I'm going to hit rock bottom, feels like I already hit yet I'm going lower. Time slows during classes and I feel so lost, I need help but don't know how to ask. I have a therapist but I never tell them these things I mean why would I, it'll be like I'm begging for attention. I hate myself. So I don't know if I want to live anymore, the decision is up to me and I don't know anymore. Thank you for listening to my story. -Jayleen May 5th, 2023

Hello, how can I reach out to the world with my story of recovery from mental health and what I realised that will save humanity

Picture a dark forest, it's cold, it's raining, and there is only you. You walk this path but you don't know where it leads, you figure people must have walked this before otherwise it wouldn't be here, so you carry on hopeful. Every now and then a loved one appears, telling you to hurry on but you wonder "where am I hurrying to?" The feelings of loneliness fear and doubt kick in, you start to panic, "where am I going? What's the point of am this?. They appear again "come on snap out of it" but you suddenly realise you have no shoes and your feet are starting to hurt. The rain is falling heavier, more panic more fear. You try to hurry but your feet begin to bleed. Now your loved ones you cannot see anymore but you can hear them, "come on you'll be ok" but you cannot see the path anymore because of the rain, more panic more fear. There voices are not loud anymore but you can just about make out " I don't know what's wrong with you". You stop, you sit, your lost, your cold and wet, your tired, your hurting.aybe one day someone will find you, that's if you have enough hope left of course.

Hey, my name is McKaylah and I struggle from depression well I kind of do now when I was little my father was not there for me that made a HUGE compact in my life. I have 6 brothers and sister but there all older than me and have there family's now they are only my half brothers and sisters when I was little someone else stepped In, In my life he was the best father I could ever ask for though he had diabetes sense he was 3 so he lived with his mother I called him my dad because me loved me and cared for me my mom would drop me off at his house and I would snuggle up with him and watch TV everything was perfect then I turned 7 at that time he didn't know what he was doing and he fought his own mother because he was in a heart attack stage and didn't know it I was little so I peaked around and looked and when his mother came back we went to sleep the next morning later on after he woke up I was crying and he said If your going to cry do it somewhere fucking else and that broke me at that time I didn't who he was when after that I just hid and on Sunday my mother picked me up and I went home then on Monday I went to school and didn't suspect anything because I was a stupid child that day my aunt picked me up and brought me to the hospital we were all crying I knew what this meant because Ive seen him picked up over 10 times to go to the hospital my aunt said he is not gonna make it and I said ''I know he is going to make it'' we went back to the hospital room because the doctors knew he was not going to make it I cried while he help my hand and I kept crying sooner or later I saw him die my brother rushed me out of the room and my mom was aloud back there because he needed her at this point I just cried and cried it was like 2:00 in the morning 5 hours till my moms birthday and he died he was only 41 it broke me then on I kept crying 3 years later I could not take it my mom was mad at me so I thought she would be happy if I was dead on march 31st I tried to commit suicide and my mom was crying I thought she was better off and she brought me to the hospital that's when my mom knew I was in deep depression I stayed at the hospital and got taken to a place and they didn't send me there my sister went there a few times and then they brought me home I am not 10 but I still get sad today and It breaks me in half I hide behind a smile and want to stop eating I'm not fat nor small but I want to be skinny and it breaks me that I know who I've become Now music speaks to me like ''Paralized'' I can't spell and ''Her last words'' ''By by you by Marlisa'' things like that I just Don't know what to do at times it breaks me.

Hello, my name is Amy. I suffer from depression. The reason why is, because I don't work or study at all. i just stay home. I sometimes feel like there is no point of living my life. But now I feel much better. I am starting to end my depression. The reason why is, because I decided to start my own blog about it and help people that are going through it. I feel much happier now. Also what helped me is reading. I love reading. I started reading wikipedia and that is very interesting to read. Thank you for reading my comment.

I feel alone, like the whole world is against me. I walk down the street in terror at seeing someone I might know as in my mind they hate me and will be disgusted at the sight of me. Sometimes this feeling gets so strong that I can't move I'm crippled lying in bed while my mind eats itself from the inside out. I spend my time lying there regretting all the times I was horrible to that person who gave me a nasty look. I know I'm not a nice person and don't blame them for hating me but I wish I was a better soul. Sometimes I try to be nice but it just comes across as if I'm an idiot. And people aren't nice to people who are idiots. Even though I'm smarter than almost all those around me. My mind traps me in a state of pain so strong that I cannot blossom instead I suffocate. I have kissed thousands of girls and had sex with many different people. But I have never truly gotten to know a girl for who she really is. I break up and treat girls in a really bad way all because I'm scared they will get to see the real me the scared insecure me who would love to be dead. My mind eating itself alive from the inside out constantly alone. To my close friends and family I seem like the happiest guy they know. Some of them even call me smiles. Smiles may be what I look like but that couldn't be further from the truth. I only wish they could walk a couple of miles inside my mind to see what they might feel. I'm broke not numb, alone in my mind but not in reality, smart beyond other people's beliefs. What I feel cannot be described in words accurately but my closest description is it feels like your mind is eating itself from inside out while your body and thought process works completely normally. My belief is that some of the most successful people in the world might have a broken mind like me, a mind in so much pain that they will focus their entire mental capacity in purchasing a dream. In five years I may be dead or I may be successful beyond belief but all I do know Is that something needs to be done for people like me. Before I'm dead it would be greatly appreciated

Music has moved time.
I can't express the importance of music to me.
I don't ask to be happy. I just don't want to be depressed.
I spent two months in mental hospital for two different reasons, on two separate occasions.
Good friends had used the words "gifted" and "famous. Words I wouldn't use out of context.
I've gone from not moving in bed to being comfortable with being alive. Those familiar with Pink Floyd may hear the early reference.
I've always appreciated music but not experienced the impact it has on me now.
I was laying in bed Late December 2015 when Adele's "million years ago" struck me from the TV. Listen to it and read the lyrics. I had to listen to it numerous times as I couldn't hear or see beyond my emotions. It was the only song I'd play for a while.
A few months later I was having a cigarette in the garden, for the first time in 18 months I sheltered and felt temperature. I just had to listen to "little things mean a lot". Not one I was familiar with. This song like Adele's, hammered me.
I'm not going to bore you any further. Here is an example of my personal playlist.
"Million years ago"
"Little things mean a lot"
"Every breath you take"
"Fix you"
"Don't try so hard"
"Music is power"
"Comfortably Numb" (as long as I feel this, life is o.k)
"These days" (two days ago I lost a close friend. This is recognised as Dave Grohl's favourite he's written. He's clearly writing about Kurt Cobain).
Music is my anti-depressant.
As long as we can see or listen, I think we're able to be "Comfortably Numb".
Dan
Sent from my iPhone

Glad you got issues off your chest. I have experienced the same. What has helped is exercise and just trying to get out and talk to some people. also just trying to like who you are helps too. Keep going.

I just don’t know how to explain. But people say it’s good to write things on your mind and share it to others.
I used to be an active person, I mean I could do anything, I was so happy. I had a real great life, which I can only see it in the dreams now. When I remember those times. I start crying. I can’t remember all the great moments of course.
Anyway, everything was fine till last years and I don’t even know why or how it went so bad. But right now, my life is gray colored, everything moves slowly, every movement I try to take will finish in a failure. And it all went to worst when I lost my mom almost 2 years ago. I used to live with her in the last years. Now I feel hopeless about my desires.
Besides of all the things I mentioned above, I have anxiety. I feel anxiety about everything. I do also feel guilty for no reason. I can give you a example, a car crash happened, I start telling my self I could stop that car crash. And the worst part is I think I was the reason of that. So yeah I feel guilty about any wrong decision I take or anything bad happens in my life.
Well the doctor gave me things to do some great stuff, something like other happy people do. I tried, but I failed, again. Then they gave me pills, they were fine, but they made me more slower. So I decided to stop taking pills.
Then I made the worst mistake in my entire life, smoking cigarettes and using drugs. It was fine at first you know, I mean it was really great. But after months I found out I’m doing the biggest mistake of my life and it’s not going to help me. So I stopped using drugs and only smoking cigarettes till I completely stopped smoking cigarettes. I think it was the only good decision I made in my life, but it was just for 14 months, I started smoking last day. That is why I’m here now, writing worst parts of my life. Because right now, I scare going to drugs again. I really scare that.
I wish the bests for the people like me, people who are dealing with depression/anxiety. And I hope no one go through that.
Sorry for my bad English btw, English is not my main language.

Misa. I have felt the same many times. For me, as soon as I wake I get out of bed immediately and have coffee with my wife. Staying in bed awake for just 5 minutes allows the severe depressed feelings to settle in. I have found walking or a simple jog helps, especially when you start to recognize people on the course and talk.
I have my own business and have no desire to succeed anymore than where i am now. The more money I make, the more jerks I meet. I am settling down to the simple life.

This is probably 5th depression cycle I am in in the last 10 years...every time I climb out, I think I am done with it for real...I stop using antidepressants after experiencing a period of strength and ease and then it comes again. This last time I actually believed I learned to accept myself better and not be so hard on myself which is a big part of the reason for the depression but it did not work miracles, maybe it helped a little...I also learned to see it coming faster...but what hasn't changed is the depth of feeling lost...who hasn't experienced it can never understand...which is not to say that empathetic people cannot be supportive and helpful but even in the midst of people who love me and support me I cannot find a reason to get out of bed. Nothing makes sense. It's like I am dead inside. And again I forget who I am when I feel OK. Capable, wise, empathetic women who has a lot of love to share...these days I am just a shadow not wanting to get out from the safety of my bed which of course is nonsense because that's where the negative thoughts are on rampage. The belief that I will ever get out of this is also gone even though I have experienced it a number of times. It is absurd because I know it helps to share at least a little bit even though it is not really "shareable" and at the same time I know this is hard and depressing to read. There is not happy ending...certainly not yet...I know I am learning about pain, I know I am deepening my empathy and I know this will be useful once I get better and all that good stuff but right now I don't care, I JUST WANT TO FEEL BETTER!

recently i having been dealing with a lot of stuff at home and i started to notice that i was not feeling like myself. i was talking to my bestfriend and she told me about her experience with her anxiety and depression and i noticed that i was having the same experience she found help but i haven’t. why? because i don’t want to bring this up to anybody because i don’t want to disappoint anybody and i also have social anxiety which does not help. today i turned to self harm(cutting) and i always wondered why anybody would hurt themselves but i get it now. its easier to focus on physical pain then mental and cutting is the only thing i feel i have control over. i do not plan on continuing this but it helps for now. i feel as if my life is pointless. the only reason why i'm still here is because i dont want to hurt or disappoint my family and friends. i used to want to go out and have fun but now i just want to sit in bed in a dark room and just sit there by myself. its so hard because i'm constantly putting myself down. i am very self conscious about my weight and i have these days where i starve myself and i am so proud because i went a day without eating. Today i broke down and started crying my grandpa saw me and i avoided him but he still saw me so i went in to the bathroom so my mom knocks at the door and i open it and she asks me why i'm crying. she continuously says “what's wrong?” and i keep saying “nothing” she was getting angry because i wouldn’t tell her but i couldn’t tell her what's wrong because i have no idea whats wrong with me and to me that was very frustrating. i am 15 years old and i have no idea whats wrong with me and i don't know what to do. my only question is does it get better?

i also have very bad past life i was in depression for two years . Now i am okay little bit i have a very serious relationship with a man who was married . i thought that ,that was love but it's not he only wants to play with my body and he plays very well . I love him so much but he doesn't he cheated his wife and now he is so happy with his wife and two children but i am lost and alone what should i do i am just 22 and i cant concentrate on my studies and career as well i feel lost i want to forgive him but i cannot i want to forget him .

I have been trying to share my journey. Its been so lonely, so long, I wish I could say I had any answers but my head spins with more questions than ever.
I hope everyone knows you are not alone
x

Read my story at http://newbeginnings2k15.blogspot.fi

Velma and Angelique please read my story and find me on Facebook, I will listen and talk as much as you guys want. I'm here for u and everyone that is feeling alone I DO CARE about ALL of you!!
Katie

Angelique read my story and find me on Facebook I will listen anytime u need to talk stay strong!

I want to share my story of depression reading all the comments and doing all the research has helped me a lot. I want to help others I'm not certain of where to start.
First, I'll give my background. I've had it hard, but others have had it much worse. And maybe someone who reads my comment can find strength to keep going or maybe someone can lead me in the right direction of websites or whatever to go on.
At the age of 14 I was raped. By my boyfriend, he also beat me. So hard to the point of hospitalization with broken ribs and jaw. When I finally got the courage to leave him he wasn't too happy about it. And shot me in the chest twice (he went to jail and is still there) I'm 23 now. When I was 17 my father passed away (god bless you daddy I still can't believe that today march 12 2015 is your 6 year anniversary) two weeks after his funeral my boyfriend at the time robbed my house out of $8,000 of electronics. When he was questioned by the police he also admitted to other crimes such as rape (drugged me and raped me with 3 of his friends I had no idea). I got stalked for 2 years by a 46 year old man and he used his son as bait to get Me alone. On top of all of this I have a very rare genetic ligament disease called Elhers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) I'm very limited by it now, I'm no longer allowed to run or play sports because on a good day I have 6 dislocations in my joints (toes, ankles, knees, hips, wrists, jaw etc.) For a very long time I felt worthless. I struggled every day to get out of bed. I thought it was never worth it. I literally gave up on myself.
If it wasn't for my wonderful mother and brother I really don't know what would have happened to me. Everyday they would come in and remind me how much I meant to them and how much I was loved. And things started getting good.... REAL good! I got accepted in the school of my dreams to become a Veterinary Assistant, I got my disease under control, and I found an amazing boyfriend who is so gentle and caring towards me. Everything started falling into place for me. I had a dream about my dad and god (sorry for those who have a different religion) they came to me and told me I was meant to do great things in this world.
A few weeks later I had a NDE (near death experience) again. I had an asthma attack in my sleep and I never woke up for it. My mom found me, my face was deep blue as were my lips. A cop was the first responder and gave me CPR. I have no idea whether it was lack of oxygen to my brain or this really happened (personally I believe it did) I won't go in full detail anyone who wants the full detail can find me on Facebook at Kathryn Anna Valocchi just message me. But anyway, god told me while he was carrying me on a beach to never give up. All of us every single one of us was put here either to learn a lesson or to teach one. We must fight our wars to see the peace and happiness we deserve in our life. And he said to just open your mind and your heart and all will come to you. I hope this helps someone... Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this.
Love and peace to you all,
Katie

Hi!! I just want to share my depression story since I've never shared it with anyone and I can use some advice.
I'm 23 years old and been struggling with depression since I was 12. It has been a rough decade. There were and are many factors that brought me to depression. At 12 I was over 125 pounds my mom and doctor pressured me so much to lose weight but in my situation it was hard for many reasons. I grew up in family of 5; my parents, two younger sisters, and me. My parents were so over protective that never in my childhood and teenage years I went out with friends or cousins like any other girl my age. I was not allowed to step out of our apartment for the fear of my parents that something will happen to me. So how could I lose weight if I couldn't even walk or ride a bike I lived on a second floor so there was no where for me to walk except inside our two bedroom apartmen. In addition to my weight problem I felt so left out at school like I had no real friends because the only time I had with friends was in class. No one visited me, I didn't had a phone nor a conputer so my life was pretty much isolated from those my age. It was like that until I was 16 and we moved to a house that had more room and I was able to exercise in our backyard and at 17 that I started dating a boy in school. He was allowed to come visit me while my parents were at home. I wasn't allowed to go out to the movies with him or anywhere outside home with anyone. I felt like a prisoner and at age 18 I decided to leave and move in with my boyfriend. It was a whole different world out there so many fun activities so many people I met, I felt free. I was enjoying freedom but I felt terribly guilty for leaving my family. I felt like I betrayed them and I started falling into depression again. Within a year I gained so much weight that I felt horrible at 19 weighting 170 pounds. Than when I was 20 my boyfriend decided that he wanted to leave because he was confused about his feelings and he wanted us to separate. So I fell into a deeper depression I felt unwanted fat ugly and I was feeling so bad for I had left my family for him and he left me. It took months and medication for me to start feeling less depressed. I started losing weight again and I concentrated on my job and friends than boom my ex returned to me and I still loved him and I took him back. I got pregnant and my son was born when I was 21 in 2013 we are living at his parents house so we can save for a house purchase as of today February 2015 I'm 3 months pregnant again and we are planing on getting our home in the summer. But it's so rough living here we stay in a 14x15 room with our toddler and we are too crowded plus my boyfriend younger brother is 19 and he is so rude he always try to put us down and making us feel less. Like we are some losers now I feel like I'm getting depressed again I'm 23 and weight 215 lbs. I can't wait to get our home and leave this house! Thank You for reading.

my best friend is so gorgeous. so much more gorgeous than me. we are always together, we're a package. all the boys pick her over me. it's happened with ronan, adam, jaden, erik, and most importantly andrew. andrew is this boy that i really like and she constantly texts him and flirts with him, which actually kills me inside. she makes me feel so awful about myself because i compare the two of us all the time. we once tried to eat a whole cake together, but obviously i didnt because if i ate it, i'd get fat. she wouldnt. she ate most of it. i only eat one meal a day, if even. i feel very poorly about myself and cut almost everyday. no one even cares. i told my closest friends that im depressed and they baby me now. i dont know what to. please give me advice. my family doesn't even care for me, i passed out like 3 times in the past month and my parents dont know. they said if i pass out again, they'd give me up for adoption. i cry every night, help me:(((

Sometimes, I just feel, kind of left out. My mom tells me to tell her about my day, but usually, when I actually am telling her. She's either too busy, or she's talking with one of my siblings. My older brother tells me to kill and cut myself, which I've actually taken into some consideration. My dad and little brother are too oblivious for anything, and my friends don't even know. Sometimes, my mom tells me to "stop being so morbid" when really, it's harder to control than you think. She says she was just like me, but I actually doubt she understands. Depression isn't something you can overcome with one quick flash, it takes time. I've actually taken thought and consideration and was so close to cutting. I don't want anyone to know, because they'll probably just send me to therapy and God knows, usually that doesn't help. Because the doctor actually rarely cares. They're just their to help you "get better". But really, I doubt anyone can. We don't get better, we don't change. We just remain the same. And I'm scared that my family will just watch over me 24/7 so I don't attempt anything when I tell them. What should I do?

My mum always tells me to not have attitude and that I'm so lazy but I'm really just
Tired physically and mentally , no matter how hard I try it's always blamed on me and my mum doesn't believe I have anxiety so I can't tell her I have depression also i feel it would be awkward to talk to her about it Because she would bother me with questions
I've taken tests online on depression as that's my only choice
And I've gotton results back saying im suffering high depression
I love watching tv shows alone in the dark
But isn't it usually people hate being alone But I feel no one can help me
but I feel worthless like no one likes me
I think I have depression which makes me sound stupid that I don't know but I could be happy for a an hour or two and then one simple bad thing sends me straight back into sadness all I want to do is sleep , I get angry and want to break things , but mostly I used to love heaps of things but now I couldn't hate them more I've just lost interest
I have no energy no matter how much I sleep and not to mention I can never focus on important things like school my grades are horrible but I know I can do better ,and theses constant pains in my ribs and headaches. I have low vitamin d but I'm taking stuff for it but it's not working
What I. Just want to know is , is this depression I think it is but ????
I know this. Isn't a story but I kinda just want answers

I feel I'm useless and i'm ugly and everything i do looks ugly, there are so many pretty people and everything they do is right and even if its not it will looks pretty or good ,but even when i try so hard everyone will just ignore me ,everything i do is useless im shit even if i dont talk to someone they will hate me like i send them sth a negative thing that makes everyone hate me idk wat to do its not my fault its sth in my head i feel it,and when i talk or try to be funny or even nice to someone i still make no sense and make ppl hate me even more again not my fault that thing make me to not make sense like i have no feeling and recently i don't feel anything when im happy its just on surface i really am not ,i used to hate so much but now i cant even feel hate just maybe sometimes ,i mostly feel sad i'm always sad idk i just cant help it i feel jealous and useless when everyone is better than me, i'm so useless and i feel like if i die if i'm not somewhere everything is better no one will miss me they will even be happier. I cant concentrate on anything i cant study and its been a week i skipped college i hate everyone there ,i don't know what to do, i might kill myself but i'm scared .
What even is the point of my life when there is not even 1 person to like me just a little ? Whats the point when i suck at everything and even i don't do anything everyone will hate me .I suck i dont make sense and everyone hates me i feel like shit i want to die im a scum im weird.Whats the point of trying when i will never be what i wanted to be when i will never be pretty when even my parents hate me Sometimes? i don't know what to do...

Depression was so hard for me. It drove me into solitary places leaving me vulnerable and open to pain and turmoil.
I had to take a good look inside myself and weigh my motives. Was I going to let this destroy me or get help and learn coping skills.
I went to New Life Treatment Center on 3-23-83 in Lakewood Hospital. I was admitted. I was there for three weeks and learned more than I had learned in seeing a therapist for seven years.
I knew that parts of me were going to have be torn down and rebuilt. I had to surrender parts of me I never thought I could let go of. Little by little positive aspects came shining in to my being bringing to life the deepest places in me instilling life.
Then I found self acceptance which opened things up on a whole new level.
I finally found inner peace and a deep joy. I don't sit around laughing all the time but I'm pretty upbeat.
I'm learning to stop fighting against negative situations and promote peaceful solutions.
Most important is I am learning to be at peace with myself. I resolve conflicts from within by opening up myself. I rise above the matter with insight and wisdom giving me a new perspective on the situation.
Just wanted to share...

Hi Erin! I could not agree more with you. Sharing my experience with depression has not only helped me in understanding and giving meaning to it, but it has also helped other people come to terms with their own experiences. I must say that when I was struggling with my depression, all I wanted was to know that I was not alone. I wanted to read about other people's experiences to see if they were similar to mine. At the time, I couldn't find anything like this!
I have decided to share my experience in the hopes of providing someone with the very thing I wanted most and couldn't find. I have a collection of poetry that I wrote throughout my depression that I have self-published. My goal is to turn that collection of poetry into something like a memoir. I would love to hear your thoughts/feedback! Check out my website (www.raingill.webs.com) which has all of my poems, as well as my blog.
- Rain

That's so great to hear, Ed! Thanks for your comment. :)

Yes I agree with this and am starting a Support Group for this purpose...