I've found that self-care for premenstrual syndrome is critical. Hormonal changes from premenstrual syndrome (PMS) cause me to feel tired, bloated, sore, depressed, and sometimes angry. There are days when I can barely get out of bed. During this time, I feel guilty for not being productive. However, to manage, it is important to be kind to myself and practice self-care for PMS symptoms. Here are six ways I take care of myself during my period.

6 Ways to Practice Self-Care for PMS Symptoms

I manage my PMS using these self-care methods:

1. I seek support from my female friends. Talking to people who understand my struggle with PMS helps me feel less alone. My girlfriends share things that help them during their periods, such as baths, tea, dark chocolate, and heating pads. In addition to getting helpful tips from friends, we can joke about our periods. As they say, laughter is one of the best medicines.
2. I engage in creative hobbies. Light exercise is important, but sometimes my cramps are excruciating. Pain medicine does not always help. Creative hobbies like coloring, diamond painting, and writing relax me, which helps me feel better physically and mentally.
3. I practice thought reframing. Every month during my period, bloating makes me feel terrible about my body image. So, I often label myself negatively, which makes my depression worse. I reframe my thoughts by reminding myself that bloating is a natural part of the hormonal changes during my period. It will go away in a few days.
4. I listen to autonomous sensory meridian response (ASMR) sounds. Sometimes, brain fog makes it difficult to practice thought reformation and positive affirmations. So, I listen to soothing sounds and voices from ASMR artists. Some audio recordings are specifically tailored for PMS relief.
5. I try to stay hydrated. During my period, I often get migraines. When pain medicine does not help, I assume that they are caused by dehydration. While drinking water is critical, I do not like the lack of flavor. So I drink chamomile tea and hot chocolate. The warmth relieves my headaches and my cramps.
6. I allow my body to rest. Losing a lot of blood during my period depletes my energy levels. So when I feel significantly more tired some days, I remind myself that something isn't necessarily wrong with me. This is a natural part of having my period. So, it is okay to sleep more some days. By allowing myself to rest, I recover faster.

Those are just some self-care techniques for PMS. I will practice self-care in many more ways in the future, such as changing my diet and taking daily vitamins. Do you have any PMS self-care during tips? Please share them in the comments.

Improving interpersonal communication with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can be a lifelong task. For me, interpersonal communication with BPD becomes a battleground where the stakes are high. One misstep could lead to unintended consequences, exacerbating my BPD symptoms.

Interpersonal Communication with Borderline PD: Passivity Versus Hostility

The inability to maintain harmony in interpersonal communication with borderline PD often comes at a cost: sacrificing one's true self. Over the years, I've found myself caught in a cycle of people pleasing, molding my responses to appease others at the expense of my integrity and authenticity. As a former chronic people-pleaser, I was bending over backward to accommodate others, suppressing my own needs and desires in the process. The facade of congeniality I presented masked the turmoil brewing beneath the surface.

On the flip side, there's this inclination with me, this urge to unleash my inner storm upon those closest to me. When angry enough, I would abandon the pretense and let words fly like sharp-edged arrows without a second thought. Rather than cultivating authentic bonds, my timidity in expressing myself and my penchant for fervent self-defense only led to strained relationships. I'd feel a sense of disconnect from everyone around me. I was teetering on the precipice of aggression, blurring the line between passivity and hostility.

Interpersonal Communication with Borderline PD: Assertiveness

It wasn't until I surrendered to the guidance of professional support a decade ago that I untangled the threads of interpersonal communication with BPD. With therapy as my compass and mindfulness as my anchor, I learned to champion my own needs while honoring others' boundaries. However, this transformation was no mere flick of a switch. Navigating emotionally charged dialogs felt akin to the sorcery of Doctor Strange, where time itself seemed to slow. This time gap gifted me the precious space to deliberate and intuit my responses.

Experiencing mindfulness in the middle of a BPD trigger felt like exercising a muscle I didn't know I had. Slowly but surely, I found myself immersed in it more deeply, even in the middle of my most turbulent moments, whether it was delving into eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, or confronting the truth during a heart-wrenching breakup, owning up to my flaws along the way.

Sometimes, this meant crying and experiencing the discomfort of showing sadness for once. Other times, it demanded the courageous act of excising toxic people from my life. Yet, through it all, I embarked on the sacred mission of fostering authentic connections and nurturing the seeds of genuine intimacy. My interpersonal communication with borderline PD improved. Ultimately, assertiveness empowered me to emerge stronger, braver, and infinitely more whole. 

Learning to trust yourself after trauma can feel like walking through a minefield. In my experience, if I take one wrong step, I fear my entire life will somehow implode. Even the most minor decisions send me into a fight-or-flight spiral. I deny my intuition and operate out of fear, craving a sense of security and certainty one simply cannot have in life. Learning to trust myself after trauma has been difficult.

It's been a challenge for me to feel fully present without this gnawing feeling in my gut. Am I heading in the right direction? Am I making the right choices? What if I screw up and somehow sabotage my entire future, unable to get what I so desperately want out of life?

These questions often keep me up at night. Learning to trust yourself after trauma is not an easy feat, and it's one I am still navigating.

How Trauma Making It Difficult to Trust Yourself

In my experience, I've carried a lot of self-blame and victimization for the roles I've played in my traumas. While my first trauma as a child was not my fault, I still struggled with shame, thinking I could have handled the situation better. I ridiculed myself for the ways I've coped with the pain and the patterns I've carried out. To this day, I sometimes still tell myself I'll be punished with more trauma if I make the wrong choice. I need to trust myself after trauma, but it feels like I can't.

Trauma has a way of keeping me small. It tells me I'm incapable of making my own decisions and tries to find proof that I cannot trust myself. However, I've learned the more I search for such "proof," the more I'll find. It's like a never-ending self-doubt spiral and a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

How to Trust Yourself After Trauma

Learning to trust yourself after trauma might feel uncomfortable at first. In my case, I looked to others for reassurance that I was making the right choices — that I was safe. While a healthy dose of validation was helpful in many instances, it also took my power away at times. I've noticed the best results when I sought objective insight from those I loved and valued — those who empower me to trust myself after trauma. On the other hand, I felt less empowered when I blindly followed the advice of those who simply told me exactly what I should and shouldn't do. Understanding the difference between the two is crucial. 

Sitting in silence with myself has gifted me the greatest sense of peace and self-trust. If you're wondering about the best course of action or decision to make, take a moment to close your eyes and breathe deeply. Propose the question at hand — what comes up? What are your instincts telling you? These should surface without fear, as anxiety can certainly cloud judgment. Focus on the calm thoughts that arise, and know that you are in control. Even if you know something intuitively but are not yet ready to trust it, give yourself time to process the information that comes up. This will help you build trust in yourself without a sense of urgency or panic.

Only you know what is best for you, and learning to trust yourself after trauma is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself and your recovery.

Learn more about how I learned to trust myself after my trauma by watching the video below.

Looking for a new job is never easy, but depression while job hunting is even worse. Being unemployed at the same time is terrible, too. Unfortunately, I have experienced that in the last couple of years. Getting lost in the cumbersome tasks of revamping my resume and applying for jobs is dispiriting. Thus, it becomes easy for job hunting to cause my depression to set in quickly.

Depression Affects My Job-Hunting

The depression that is fueled by rejection and the monotony of job hunting is a deep-rooted one. Until I am offered a job, as hard as I fight off the defeated feelings, depression still lingers like a little devil on my shoulder, similar to the ones in cartoons. 

Once the depression sets in, I experience a flippant attitude and feeling of hopelessness that tend to co-exist with my depression. I do not care about perfecting my applications or motivating myself to apply for jobs. Yet, in the back of my mind, I know that if I don't submit multiple applications, I will never find new employment. As a result, I would not be able to support myself and my kids with even the basic needs. 

These thoughts then push me over the edge, and I begin my spiral into a dark space that is even more difficult to climb out of. Some of my lowest of lows have been precipitated by job hunting. Avoiding depression while job-hunting is tough. 

Coping Skills for Depression Caused by Job Hunting

One of the most important things to remember when searching for a job is to be proactive with coping skills. Admittedly, I need to remind myself of this at least once a week. It is easy to get lost in the virtual world of job boards. I have been down many rabbit holes when scrolling through employment postings. 

My coping skills for job-seeking while depressed have to be strong. For instance, I will play relaxing music in the background while I work. Other examples are taking short breaks throughout the process or having sweet snacks on hand while sprucing up my resume.

Regardless, there are times when even my most solid coping skills are not enough. This is when I need to be mindful and know I must walk away. I must close the laptop and put it away for the rest of the day to recalibrate my emotional energy. 

All in all, one of the most humbling experiences of my 40s has been job hunting with depression. My age is a factor, and the skills I thought I excelled at need improvement. I sometimes look back at my education and skills experience and wonder why I am not getting interviews. Job hunting has tested my coping skills. Some days are better than others.

I would love to hear if any of you have advice or coping skills you have used to avoid becoming depressed when job hunting. 

It took me several years of personal growth and cultural awareness to realize there are systemic barriers to eating disorder treatment. My battle with anorexia was painful and tumultuous, but access to therapeutic interventions made the healing journey feel possible. While I am immensely grateful for this, I also cannot brush aside the conspicuous reality that certain prohibitive eating disorder treatment barriers still exist.

Eating disorder treatment methods were conventionally built for patients like me—and that’s a serious problem. This harrowing mental illness can hook its claws into anyone, so we need to talk about eating disorder treatment barriers in order to make healing resources more accessible and inclusive for all types of sufferers out there.

Becoming Aware of Eating Disorder Treatment Barriers

When I entered the intake office of an eating disorder treatment facility in 2010, the admissions process began immediately. As a sick teenager, this felt too overwhelming to comprehend, but now, as an adult, I recognize that my illness was taken seriously because I resembled a common anorexic stereotype. I was visibly frail, gaunt, weak, and malnourished—not to mention White and privately insured through both of my parents. 

That privilege fast-tracked me into a secure therapeutic environment, which ultimately helped me recover. But others are not as fortunate due to archaic stigmas or harmful eating disorder treatment barriers. Not everyone has financial or logistical access to the resources and assistance I received almost 15 years ago, and this inequity can lead to severe consequences. 

The Need to Confront Eating Disorder Treatment Barriers

Eating disorders are some of the most fatal psychiatric conditions, but over 80 percent of those who suffer do so without any clinical intervention.¹ Members of marginalized communities are often the most vulnerable to eating disorder treatment barriers. To give just one example, youth of color in low-socioeconomic areas are less than two-thirds as likely to undergo treatment as their White peers. Even worse, many receive no diagnosis at all.² 

These illnesses do not discriminate—all races, ethnicities, genders, sexual orientations, body sizes, age brackets, and physical abilities can be susceptible to eating disorder behaviors. As such, healing measures must reflect the specific needs of these various demographics, whose unique stories and experiences intrinsically matter. When we talk about eating disorder treatment barriers in our wider mainstream society, we can then mobilize to start dismantling them.

Sources

1. Fitzsimmons-Craft, E., et al (2019). Adolescents and young adults engaged with pro-eating disorder social media: eating disorder and co-morbid psychopathology, health care utilization, treatment barriers, and opinions on harnessing technology for treatment. Eating and Weight Disorders, 25(6). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40519-019-00808-3
2. Moreno, R., et al (2023). Disparities in access to eating disorders treatment for publicly-insured youth and youth of color: a retrospective cohort study. Journal of Eating Disorders, 11(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/s40337-022-00730-7

Unfortunately, retail and service workers are often the target of verbal abuse. No one deserves to be called names, insulted, or threatened, especially while doing their job. Sadly, verbal abuse in retail and service professions is becoming more frequent in many restaurants and stores.

Have you ever been angry because a fast-food restaurant got your order wrong? Were you frustrated because you couldn't find a sales associate to help you with an item? It's perfectly natural to have these feelings when facing challenging circumstances. However, taking out your anger and frustration on the employee isn't the way to solve the problem. 

People in Retail and Service Professions Don't Deserve Verbal Abuse

Everyone makes mistakes during their lifetime. No one is perfect while performing their job. Sometimes, retail and service workers will get a food order wrong or cannot fulfill a request you need. Although not ideal, these situations don't allow you to resort to verbal abuse. 

More public places display posters stating that verbal abuse towards retail and service workers will not be tolerated. These posters remind people to monitor their reactions when dealing with others. These visual signs also help to reinforce any consequences the business may follow if one of its staff is the target of verbal abuse. 

When I worked in the food industry, there were no posters to tell our customers to be civil to the employees. I was the target of regular verbal abuse when an order was packaged wrong, the change was incorrect, or something else upset the customer. Some awful statements I've heard through the years included:

• "How hard is it to get my coffee right? You've gotta be stupid to forget the cream."
• "I didn't get the right change. Can't you count properly? Did you drop out of school?"
• "If you can't do your job properly, I need to talk to your manager."

There Is No Reason for Verbal Abuse Towards Retail and Service Professionals

The world has many job types, allowing everyone to explore different skills. One thing I've noticed working in the food service industry is how some customers view the job. I've been talked down to in some situations because the customers felt they were smarter than me. They didn't find it necessary to treat others courteously, regardless of their position. 

Thankfully, I had some terrific bosses who reinforced our value and worth to the business. Without the employees, these companies wouldn't be successful.

I regularly share my experience in the food industry with my family and friends. I want everyone to understand that the people who serve your coffee or work the cash registers at big box stores are human beings deserving of respect. They are not there for you to verbally abuse, even if there's a problem during your visit.

If we all take a moment to take a breath when something upsets us, we can help lessen the effects of verbal abuse on retail and service workers. 

Trigger warning: This post involves a frank discussion of suicidal thoughts.

One thing I’ve learned about having schizoaffective disorder is how to use coping skills for my symptoms. Some of the skills I’ve developed myself and some I’ve learned in therapy. Here are some of the coping skills I’ve learned for the symptoms of my schizoaffective disorder.

Coping with the Schizoaffective Symptom of Hearing Voices

Probably the most bothersome and pervasive symptom of my schizoaffective disorder was hearing voices, and I learned coping skills to calm them down. I say “was hearing voices” because I don’t hear them anymore, thanks to a change in my medication a few years ago. But when I did have this schizoaffective symptom, my coping “skill” was to chain smoke. Well, then, I quit smoking. I tried some other things, and I always took an as-needed antianxiety medication prescribed by my doctor. I would listen to relaxing music and go on Facebook. (In 2016, because of the election, Facebook became a nasty place and has remained so. I suspect it will turn nastier with this year’s election, so it’s a good thing I don’t hear voices anymore and don’t need it.) In 2016, another schizoaffective disorder coping skill I used was watching soothing movies to calm the voices.

I want to note here that when I got knee replacement surgery last year, the narcotic painkiller I took briefly made me hear voices again, but they were different. They weren’t as intrusive. They didn’t suck up my whole consciousness. They sounded like a radio or TV playing in another room instead of screaming at me and making me feel like my head was in a fog. Since I’m off the narcotic, I don’t hear them anymore. I don’t hear voices at all and hope they never come back.

Coping Skills for Schizoaffective Disorder and Suicidal Thoughts

I’ve learned coping skills for the schizoaffective symptom of having suicidal thoughts as well. I used to go to the emergency room, which is a perfectly good way of dealing with suicidal thoughts. But then I developed other coping skills for this symptom of schizoaffective disorder. The biggest breakthrough, which happened recently, was realizing that the suicidal thoughts were intrusive and that I didn’t want to act on them. I didn’t have a plan. Also, I’ve never actually tried to die by suicide. So, now when I have suicidal thoughts, I call my mom or my therapist, I give myself a time out, I take a bath or go for a walk if it’s nice out. (Remember, you should always reach out and talk to a professional about any suicidal thoughts you have.)

I encourage myself to live through the moment, and I remember that things will probably feel better in 10 minutes. Recently, I’ve been playing the piano. The last time I went to the emergency room for suicidal thoughts was a long time ago, a few months after the 2016 presidential election. Going to the emergency room is an excellent way to deal with suicidal thoughts, and who knows, I might end up in the emergency room again. That’s better than ending up dead.

So, those are some of my coping skills for schizoaffective disorder. What are yours? Please leave them in the comments.

If you feel that you may hurt yourself or someone else, call 9-1-1 immediately.

For more information on suicide, see our suicide information, resources, and support section. For additional mental health help, please see our mental health hotline numbers and referral information section.

When you are constantly anxious, it is hard to confront traumatic experiences and process your feelings from trauma. What can end up happening as a result is that you may avoid dealing with the situation. However, processing your feelings from trauma is critical.

For example, you might avoid talking about it with someone, so when it is brought up, you sidestep any discussion about it. Or, if you come into contact with a trigger, you try to find a way to avoid confronting it. Or, you might try, as best as you can, to avoid any thoughts associated with the experience.

Why It Is Important to Process Your Feelings from Trauma

Experiencing trauma can result in emotional dysregulation; in other words, difficulty regulating emotions like feeling sad, anxious, or angry.¹ As a result, emotional dysregulation may result in negative coping behaviors such as compulsive behaviors or engaging in high-risk activities. It can also create a pattern of difficulty in processing emotions, such as experiencing numbness to intense emotions or high levels of anxiety.

In my experience, I have seen the effects of intentionally suppressing emotions associated with trauma. I've found that the anxiety I experience can sometimes be lessened by processing emotions that are associated with trauma.

Sometimes, I would prefer not to think about them and even perhaps pretend that they didn't happen. However, the problem with that is that the impact of not processing trauma can lead to problems dispersed throughout your mental and physical health. For example, some symptoms that have been linked to stress associated with trauma include sleep disturbances, cardiovascular concerns, and neurological issues.¹

How to Cope with Anxiety and Process the Feelings from Trauma

I've found that traumatic events are difficult to put a finger on because they are inherently subjective. How we experience traumatic incidents depends on several different factors, and I've had to go through quite a bit of self-reflection to think about events that have impacted my anxiety.

Therapy helps process emotions associated with trauma and is helpful for embarking on a path to healing. I've found that therapy provides me with feelings of safety that allow me to be vulnerable when my inclination may be to avoid any emotions that cause discomfort.

Other helpful strategies I've found include journaling and practicing mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness meditation, in particular, seems to be quite helpful for me in calming the physiological symptoms I experience.

I think it is also important to remember that there is no specific timeline for processing feelings from trauma. This may take time, and I've found that self-awareness is a great place to start.

Below is a video in which I discuss the importance of processing emotions associated with traumatic experiences.

If having to process feelings from trauma is something you have experienced and dealt with, share the strategies you use to cope in the comments below.

Source

1. Treatment, C. F. S. A. (2014). Understanding the impact of trauma. Trauma-Informed Care in Behavioral Health Services - NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK207191/

Do you feel frustrated when people can't pronounce your name correctly? I can relate because my name is unique, and most people mispronounce it. Worse, instead of learning the correct pronunciation, they conveniently shorten or change it without my consent. If people can't pronounce your name correctly, read on to know how you can cope with the consequent distress.

What It Feels Like When No One Can Pronounce Your Name Correctly

Picture this scenario: you walk into a room full of strangers and personally introduce yourself to every individual. Most people struggle to get your name right the first time, and they ask you to repeat it a few times. You have no problem doing so because you get it: your name is hard to pronounce. What bothers you is when people throw up their hands, declare they give up, and decide that they are going to give you an "easier" name. 

The above scenario is something that happens to me frequently, and if you have a rare or ethnic name, chances are high that it happens to you as well. More than a lack of effort, the blatant disregard for my identity gets to me. Our names are a vital part of our identity, and someone not even trying to get them right signals that they don't respect us. As a result, I get annoyed when people can't pronounce my name correctly after I have corrected them multiple times. And I get angry with anyone entitled enough to give me a new name simply because they can't be bothered to learn my real name. 

Coping When People Can't Pronounce Your Name Correctly

It has and will keep happening, so we might as well learn to cope with people not being able to pronounce our names. Why, we should use it to our advantage. For example, as a form of self-respect and boundary setting, I filter out people who don't say my name right, even after multiple corrections. When I distance myself from individuals who don't bother to pronounce my name correctly, I prioritize those who value and respect me for who I am. 

Also, I often correct people who can't pronounce my name correctly, even when they haven't asked me to do so. By holding people accountable for saying my name correctly, I help promote cultural appreciation and sensitivity. After all, a name marks one's cultural identity and must be respected, no matter how unusual it sounds. It is hard to be assertive, especially in this regard, but it gets a little easier each time I do it. And if I, a shy introvert, can stand up for myself, so can you. 

Times get tough, and I'm not immune to wanting to shut the world out when it feels too loud, too heavy, or simply too much; that's when distraction and escapism come into play. Sometimes, a little mind vacation is needed. Just like physical vacations, it can be helpful to mentally check out momentarily to rest and reset. But as with most things in life, there is a balance, and tipping the scales can have harmful consequences.

What Is Distraction, and How Is It Used?

I'm throwing out the dictionary and sharing what distraction means to me: taking a mental break when overwhelmed. Sure, there are distractions, such as a text during a meeting or seeing a dog while driving, but I'm focusing on the practice of distraction to combat distress.

When I feel overstimulated, or my emotions run high, I heat up and get flustered. My fight-or-flight kicks in, and I'm not acting my best or making great decisions. Logic goes out the door, leaving only panic. Distraction is a great way to regain some mental control.

Visual, auditory, and social outlets can be great distraction tools. My preferred distraction is reading or taking walks. Others prefer comfort shows, calling a friend, or music — there are many things you can use to take a break from the anxiety and decompress.

What Is Escapism?

In my mind, escapism can look like a distraction, but looking closer, it's hurtful. Instead of using a task to check out and calm down momentarily, it's used to avoid the problem.

With distraction, the goal is to get back to a healthier mental spot to tackle a challenge. With escapism, the goal is not to have to face the challenge at all.

There are obvious escapism tactics, like drug or alcohol use, and there are ones that seem harmless, like hours of social media scrolling. There are even tactics that could be seen as "healthy," like incessantly working out. The point is that the task doesn't need to be sinister, but if it becomes a habit used to avoid difficult emotions, it's a problem.

Avoid Letting Distraction Become Escapism

There's no doubt that it feels good to slip away for a while, but the line between distraction and escapism can be easily crossed without noticing.

The difference is intention. "I'm going on a walk before answering this difficult email" is a lot different than "I don't want to think about it, so I'm going to open a bottle of wine and scroll my phone."

There's nothing wrong with a glass of wine and checking social media. There is something wrong with not wanting to face emotions. Getting into the habit of pushing off emotions creates a snowball effect. Those emotions don't go away, and they don't get easier later.

It feels nice to continuously stow away emotions for later — trust me, I've been there. But it's not healthy in the long run. Distraction is a tremendous tool to re-center and regain control, but it comes with intention and self-discipline. Learning the difference between when I was distracting and when I was escaping helped me put my recovery back on track.