Women and Orgasm

female sexual problems

What's a Female Orgasm

An orgasm, or climax, is the release of tension at the peak of sexual excitement.

During sex, muscles in the man's penis and the woman's genitals become stimulated and tense. When this tension is released at the peak of sexual excitement, men and women experience an intense, very pleasant and sometimes overwhelming physical and mental feeling - this is called an orgasm or climax.

Usually, the man ejaculates during (or at the end) of an orgasm. After puberty, boys and girls may experience orgasms during dreams while asleep. These are often called wet dreams. Later, most people explore their sexuality alone through masturbation and then sex and mutual masturbation with a partner, sometimes experiencing an orgasm.

Everyone can orgasm, but not everyone does. Orgasms vary from person to person - there is no 'natural' or typical orgasm; some women need direct clitoral stimulation (touching of the clitoris) during sex in order to have an orgasm, others don't.

The orgasm is not the most important part of sex, it is an important part.

Not every sexual encounter - masturbatory or with a partner - has to climax with an orgasm.

'Coming together' is not as common as sexual 'gossip' would have us believe - most partners have mutual orgasms only occasionally, some couples never do.

In their youth, a majority of women find reaching orgasm hard - as they get older and become more sexually experienced, it becomes easier. Sexual intercourse alone, that is, penetration of a woman's vagina by a man's penis, may be sufficient to bring the man to climax. But it very often is not enough to make a woman reach orgasm - in fact it is very common for a woman not to have an orgasm if her only sexual stimulation is intercourse.

An orgasm is much more likely to eventuate if both partners are relaxed and happy about having sex together, are 'turned-on' by each other and are able to arouse and excite each other in ways that are mutually satisfying.

The inability to experience an orgasm is a common sexual problem, especially so with women. Roughly 1 in 10 women (and this could be a conservative estimate) report never having an orgasm but in most cases the problem can be overcome.

Orgasm Difficulty - What Can We Do?

First up, don't think obsessively about having an orgasm - don't set out in each and every sexual encounter to have an orgasm; enjoy the total, sensual sexual experience: cuddling, caressing, massage, foreplay, mutual masturbation, the full exploration of each other's body. Men should make sure they are doing enough to arouse - and to keep aroused - their partner. Couples should discuss what turns on each person. Remember, what appeals to one, doesn't appeal to another. For example, some people like their nipples touched or even pinched, others don't.

Try to have sex when you are both ready - not too tired, not angry, not ill - you both have to be in the mood.

Most women need and enjoy direct clitoral stimulation during sex and are more likely to have an orgasm if this occurs. Clitoral stimulation can be done by the woman herself or her partner - just by gently touching and stroking the clitoris before or during intercourse - this is a perfectly normal way of helping induce a woman's orgasm.

Don't strive for simultaneous orgasms - enjoy your partner's orgasm by watching and helping him or her come to a climax, then let them share your pleasure when you reach orgasm.

A woman who experiences no or few orgasms can learn to bring herself to a climax. You just need some orgasm training.

Orgasm Training - Train Yourself to Have an Orgasm

A woman who experiences no or few orgasms can learn to bring herself to a climax, over time. Make sure you tell your partner what is or isn't happening to you during sex - work with him or her to train yourself to have an orgasm. Training for orgasm revolves around two things - masturbation and patience.

Patience is needed because it will take time to unlearn repressions and anxieties; and to learn the touches, feelings and thoughts that will arouse you and continue to arouse you to the point of climax. The techniques can be practiced alone - at least at the beginning - and then with your partner. Remember, they have to learn what they can do to stimulate you, it's a two-way street.

Relaxed and naked (perhaps in a warm bath), explore your body - your face and neck, breasts, nipples, stomach, thighs. Touch and stoke yourself in the way you would like to be caressed by your lover - learn and enjoy those things that really stimulate you.

If you enjoy this - it can take as long as you like - caress your labia and clitoris, gradually stroking your fingers into your vagina. Vibrators are often recommended by therapists to help with this process.

Let these sessions take as much time as you need to reach an orgasm during masturbation - take things slowly and be relaxed. There's no pressure, no clock to watch, no instant, magic climax to reach.

Eventually, you will want to share these experiences with your partner; guide them around those parts of your body that aroused you when you stimulated them - let him find other ways to arouse you too. Let your partner stimulate your clitoris - over time, when you find yourself on the brink of orgasm after your partner has touched and caressed your clitoris, move straight on to intercourse, with you or your partner continuing to stimulate your clitoris. If at any time you find you're worried about not reaching orgasm, or you suspect there might be a physical reason preventing you, consult your medical practitioner.

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