It's hard enough to decide to seek mental health treatment, but when you factor in delays, it's even more daunting. When I was discharged from the Army, they gave me a 30-day supply of my psychiatric medications and a list of mental health providers in my area (I am not eligible for Veteran's Administration (VA) benefits because I wasn't in long enough.) It took me three months to get in to see a psychiatrist in private practice--I was lucky. It can take up to a year to see a psychiatrist at the VA.

When my COBRA expired, I sought insurance (particularly to pay for mental health services), only to be denied because my mental illness was considered a pre-existing condition. Desperate, I turned to a Christian health pool, and asked if they covered mental illness. I was told that everyone has a bad day and that I should use herbs. I bit my tongue to avoid saying, "On my bad days I hallucinate." Mental illness is not a "bad day."

Last week brought me a lesson in the need to be prepared when mental health triggers come, as they inevitably do in our recovery. These triggers can be dangerous because they can instantly transport us to a place of emotional turmoil and intensify our symptoms. In order to manage our illness, we must be prepared at all times. We never know when we can be triggered and we need to take steps to ensure we and others around us are safe. This past week, there was a national firestorm with the release of American POW Bowe Bergdahl from captivity in Afghanistan. I had not known the story prior to this, but when I heard the circumstances of his experience, I was triggered in a way that hasn’t happened in a long time.

The source of much of our discomfort lies in what we find unacceptable. I’m heartbroken because I don’t want to accept that person I loved is gone forever. I’m anxious because I don’t want to accept that I might actually be safe, that no one is trying to purposely hurt me. I’m sad because I have difficulty accepting that there are actually good and lovely things in this world, as well as the bad things. I don’t want to accept that I need to be on this medication now, and maybe for life. All these things, and many more, I find unacceptable.

Mental illness is a difficult thing to live with. Sometimes, it feels impossible. To make things even more complicated, the diagnosis of mental illness often comes with "dual diagnosis", a fancy term for  living with more than one illness. Part I of this blog will focus on addiction and Part II, later this week, will focus on eating disorders and anxiety disorders.

My name is Natalie Jeanne Champagne and welcome to my blog, Recovering from Mental Illness. I am twenty-six years old and am a freelance writer among other things. (People are, of course, much more than their chosen profession!) I have spent the last couple of years working to lessen the stereotype of mental health issues and this blog will reflect that. I have published a book, "The Third Sunrise: A Memoir of Madness" on my experience with bipolar disorder and addiction. You can learn more about it on my website @ www.thethirdsunrise.com