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Many people find it challenging when they think they are disappointing others, whether a loved one, a friend, or a coworker. I am no exception. I will avoid disappointing someone if possible. We all know how it feels to be disappointed or let down, so why would I want to inflict that feeling onto someone else? I possess great empathy for others, almost to a fault. So, to know that I am about to confront someone and make them feel sad or disappointed makes me feel guilty, which then leads to depression. However, lately, I have been trying to reroute my thinking and people-pleasing tendencies to remember the positives and why I can no longer appease everyone.
Once a person has experience with a person with bipolar disorder, they may assume that they will always have a similar experience with others who have bipolar disorder. In other words, a person may paint everyone with bipolar disorder with the same brush. If the first person with bipolar disorder they have experience with is very intelligent or creative — they may think all people with bipolar are. On the other hand, if their experience with a person with bipolar disorder was very negative, they may assume that all their future experiences will go the same way. Generalizations of any group don't help us, however.
Living with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often means grappling with BPD mood swings that can swiftly turn my world upside down. When these BPD mood swings hit, thoughts become tangled in cognitive distortions, and black-and-white thinking takes hold, making it difficult to see shades of gray or to check the validity of my assumptions. In other words, BPD mood swings are a rapid descent into a world where worst-case scenarios feel like certainties.
Learning how to silence your inner critic after trauma can feel impossible. Personally, I developed a harsh (and loud) inner critic during early childhood, following a trauma that made me question my worth. As I grew up, I found it "safer" to try to be the perfect kid, teen, young adult, and now woman, thinking maybe it would make me more worthy of love and good treatment. However, this has only ever perpetuated more self-loathing and vicious cycles.
It feels like I write an article on this topic at least once a year—but as someone who has dealt with sexual assault and a lifetime of body image pressures, I will return to the keyboard once again as society continues to devalue women's bodies (i.e. anyone who identifies as such). So, why am I talking about it this time? The answer is simple: Because it's hard to escape the stark reminders that women's bodies are often not seen as culturally valuable or worth protecting.
Playing the piano affects my schizoaffective disorder in a very positive way. Let me tell you how my piano playing soothes my schizoaffective disorder.
I've noticed that slowing down helps my anxiety. When I am extremely busy, the pressures of having a demanding schedule and multiple deadlines begin to weigh on me and contribute to my anxiety. The busier my schedule gets, the more I feel anxious daily. Unfortunately, this becomes evident as I start having a hard time sleeping, concentrating, and focusing on day-to-day responsibilities. In these situations, I need to help my anxiety by slowing down.
Depression has affected my self-esteem lately, making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough. These days, I often have this question at the top of my mind: Should I just stop trying and give up? Sometimes, I feel I should keep going anyway; at other times, I am convinced I need a break. Tired of this conflict, I decided to write about it. Here's what I realized about thinking nothing I do is good enough.
Managing finances when you have a mental illness can be complicated. The dreaded "your account is overdrawn" bank email and I were well acquainted while my mental health declined. I felt a heavy sense of guilt when it came to my finances. My reluctance to face my situation and the shame I felt asking for help created a snowball of dread. Mental illness can make managing finances more difficult, but it isn't a hopeless situation, and it shouldn't be a source of shame.
For me, self-esteem and Earth Day are connected. As someone who has experienced the ups and downs of a mental health condition, I understand the ongoing struggle to find ways to boost self-esteem and cultivate a sense of purpose. Amidst this journey, I stumbled upon a source of solace and empowerment that I did not anticipate when I was younger: Earth Day practices and sustainable living. Earth Day occurs on April 22 and is an annual celebration that reminds us of the importance of our only habitat. Earth Day can be used to cultivate improved self-esteem.
My point being, I'm right there with you. I hate the rollercoaster. I just want to live life without being in a state of constant fight or flight mode, only for his character to change and de-escalate and I fall for the person I fell for all over again.
Exhausting is a horrible word. The understatement of all understatements, if you will.
I wish there were better support groups for this kind of mental health condition.